Knock, Knock

It's a little cruel, but this is a memory I'm looking forward to relaying to her one day, so the picture was necessary. This is the second night in a row that she has fallen asleep behind her bedroom door after getting up out of the bed.

Last night, after putting her back in bed so many times I lost count, I closed her bedroom door so that she could not escape the room. After getting out of bed the next time to find her door completely shut, she stood behind the door and yelled, "KNOCK, KNOCK! (bam, bam, bam) KNOCK, KNOCK!!" for a few moments before becoming completely still and silent.

When I checked on her later that night, I found her in the same position as above, but wasn't savvy enough to have my camera at the ready.

Tonight I was.

Autumn Invitation

Dear Autumn,

Your arrival brings mixed feelings for me every year. You're a busy time of life for our little family - days mixed with lots of fun and lots of responsibility, then ending with very tired minds and bodies. The falling temperature is certainly welcomed, but the falling leaves signal the beginning of the death of some very beautiful things that are dear to me. However, you bring new colors of your own to replace the ones that are fading away, and offer many gifts for the harvest from things that have been tended to carefully throughout the hot summer months.

This is a time of thanksgiving, a time for pause to remember what God has blessed us with during the days past. We have certainly been given much! It's also a time to prepare for the coming winter days, to brace for the coldness and the fading daylight that sends us indoors and inspires mulled cider and heavy coats.

May we have the grace to accept the coming changes, and to be thankful for every day's measure of blessings. May we have strength to walk forward as we begin to watch once-beautiful things fade and fall to the ground. We know that every season has its purpose, and that God gives us only what is best, even when your changing winds begin to make things around us seem a little colder.

Thank you for the ways in which you teach us the about the character of God and His purpose for our lives. We are looking forward to your arrival!

The Best Things in Life AREN'T Free

After spending some time with some other really fun couples tonight (ALL without babies of their own...except for a few dogs that think they are babies), I've realized that maybe the best things in life aren't really free after all. I guess it all depends on what your currency is.

There are times I think about how life might be easier if I were single or even just married without kids. My husband and I, because we're still on the younger side of married life, have many friends that haven't yet started down the road of raising babies, and life sometimes seems rather uncomplicated for them. Date nights, sports, even last-minute plans with other friends are easy to arrange, without much thought. Whereas, a night out with E always requires at least a full day of pre-planning, if it's to go off without a hitch (and even then, it rarely does).

But as I sit here tonight and think about our evening, I can't imagine my life any other way. I can't imagine life without the laughter and squeals, and the unbelievably sweet smiles. I can't imagine going a day without those little arms wrapping tightly around my neck for protection from her daddy who is coming to "get her." I can't imagine not knowing what it feels like to have fake tears cause me to burst into laughter or real tears break my heart into. There's just absolutely no way on earth I can imagine not being a "mommy."

Parenthood comes at a steep, steep price. You sacrifice time, money, friends, opportunities, money, dates, sleep, money, events, self, and then a little bit more money. In God's timing, though, when He opens that door for you to walk through, He makes each sacrifice more than worth it. For each time you feel jaded by the fact that others have a little more freedom and flexibility than you, he pours blessing after blessing over your head within those four walls of your life. And the memories we are making...absolutely priceless!!

Marriage vs. Parenting

Sometimes it really feels like parenting is a glorious extension of marriage, something that my husband and I are so blessed to endeavor upon together. Other days it feels like both sides (married life & parenthood) are wearing boxing gloves and are just straight up going at it, like two toddlers fighting over a precious toy.

It's easy to get wrapped up in "mom-hood," and just let the role of wife slip off into the deep blue somewhere. It's easy because I compare the immediately present and simple needs of a one-year-old against the more complicated needs of a full-grown adult male, who "should be" perfectly capable of grooming and feeding himself on most days. It turns me into quite the hypocrite many days, when I find myself at the sink, washing E's dishes without the first thought, then grumbling as I clean my husband's breakfast plates.

Why do I do this? Why is it easier to clean up E's dirty diapers than it is to pick up my husband's smelly socks? Why am I so easily inclined to prepare three square meals a day for E but give mental push-back at the thought of preparing dinner every night?

Every single reason that I can think of boils down to this: the Enemy HATES marriage. He will do everything he possibly can to prevent, destroy and bring deception into the marriage. That's why some days it feels like loving my child takes energy away from loving my husband, why it feels like after a day with her, "I have nothing left to give." That's why some days it literally feels like being a great mom means being a horrible wife. We are so much more at risk of finding fault in an equal, and our Enemy knows this, so instead of attacking the parent-child relationship, he attacks the easier, more susceptible one, the path of least resistance.

From an eternal perspective, though, the best thing I can ever give to E is a strong, secure marriage. Her assurance that her daddy loves her mommy and vice-versa will lead her into an assurance of our love for her, her Father's love for her, and one day her own husband's love for her. It is THE crucial building block for a lifetime knowledge of her true identity in Christ. Even more, it's the one model of Christ's love for the church that God gives to us in this earthly life, a living example of the sacrifice that He was willing to make on our behalf. My marriage is intended to be her best living, earthly example of the love of Christ.

Lord, help! Sometimes I fall so short of loving and respecting and submitting to my husband the way that you intended me to. I know that it is not truly possible to benefit E by sacrificing my marriage "in order to be a better mom." Continue to convict me when I place her desires before the desires of my husband, and help me to discern the times when I am able to strengthen her love for You by choosing him first (as backward as that may sound to my human mind). Thank you for the husband that You have given to me, and for the extravagant ways in which he loves me like You love Your Bride.

Comparisons

"Never compare yourself to someone else...

• you'll always find someone who is better than you, which leaves you discouraged

• you'll always find someone who is not as good as you, which leaves you prideful

• either way, you're dead in the water"

~Rick Warren

These words have stung me quite a few times over the last few days, as I've found myself at the mercy of both of these extremes. My hair, my body type, my house, my car, my husband, my child, my dog, my life...the list goes on and on.

I wonder how Jesus dealt with these things while here on planet Earth. I know that He was faced with these same temptations, as He walked along: prideful, wealthy Pharisees on one side and handicapped, ravaged beggars on the other. I mean, He is fully and completely God, but He was also fully and completely human too - and I have to believe that this temptation to compare visited him more than once while serving the humanity around him.

But even in His temptation, He could not, would not, fail. One could simply say that it was because He was God, and God could not fail. From a different angle, one could also see that because He was God, He would've understood the certain death that awaited Him if He chose to give into the temptations He faced, and therefore He would not fail.

Our God, in the human form of Jesus Christ for a time, knows so perfectly well our human condition. He knows the trials we face. He knows our ungrateful, entitled, prideful flesh patterns better than even we know them ourselves, which is ultimately why He had to come to earth. Without him, we would forever be stuck on a link the chain of life, always with someone in better circumstances than ourselves, always with somebody in worse - and these would be the only things in life to measure our "progress." Thank God he has offered us life outside of that road to death, a life that begins with an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ, the One who knows our humanness and loves us more than life...literally!!!

Look Alike

One comment I usually get when E and I are out and about is, "She's so cute...Wow, she must really look like her daddy." Which is fine and all...I get to take that home and tell her daddy what a cute little girl he apparently makes. :)

However, I'm starting to get a little jealous, seeing as how I am the one who spent the whole first nine months making her. So, I did a little fishing around at my last visit to my parent's home, and I was pleasantly surprised! For the record, minus the dark brown hair, I think she really does look like me at this age, if even just a little.

Some Summertime Fun