Shannon

In a former life, I was a therapist to one of my forever heroes. If you've ever worked one-on-one intentionally with a child, you understand that cell phones don't really mix in with therapy time. As in, you don't ever have a good moment to take a call or check a voicemail.

One night as I was cleaning up and writing notes after a late session, I picked my phone up off the counter to check for any important messages, and saw a text from my husband that accompanied several missed calls: "Call me now." Not good.

When I called, I had one of those "Top Five Conversations You Never Want to Have" moments, as I learned that he had been in a very serious car wreck and was on the way to the hospital - feeling physically okay considering the circumstances, but emotionally wrecked. As I talked with him, I rushed to put the last few things in place and left, trying to time my trip by the house to let the very-new puppy out just right so that I could meet him at the ER.

When I got to the ER, I learned several things. 1) My man WAS going to be okay (I needed to hold him to be able to know it). 2) Shannon - the girl who was driving the car and who pulled out in front of him, did not make it. Though the others (her friend and her two siblings) were all going to be physically okay, they had lost their sister and mom that day. She was quite young, and nobody was ready to let go of her. For the next few weeks, we struggled with a lot of emotions that we had never faced before. Sometimes L would break down and cry during the middle of doing things that he knew Shannon would never be able to do again or never be able to experience. Satan tried to attack his mind a lot, and I watched vigilantly for signs of depression. Sometimes I felt closer to him than I'd ever felt before, and sometimes there were miles of nothingness between us. It was a defining moment for us, to be sure.

Because the accident happened on a road that we travel fairly frequently, we always notice the little white cross that stands in memory of her at that intersection. When we pass it, I pray and wonder where her family and that friend are right then. I wonder if they are doing okay. I wonder how they remember that day. I wonder about the path that God has them on and why that moment was necessary and purposeful for Him to be able to carry out His Will in their lives and in our lives.

And so, on this day this year and for every year, we remember Shannon. We pray for her loved ones and for their continued comfort and God's continued faithfulness and nearness to them. We trust His Sovereignty. We acknowledge His power over life and death. We believe that He means all things for our good and His glory. We are thankful for His protection over our earthly lives and hopeful for a glorious revelation of His perfect mind one day - a moment where the veil is lifted and we finally "get it." And we wait with anticipation for the day when we embrace Shannon and celebrate Jesus together.

There will be a day with no more tears,

No more pain, and no more fears

There will be a day when the burdens of this place

Will be no more, we'll see Jesus face to face

-Jeremy Camp

When I Think I Get It...But I Really Don't

E has been wonderfully independent lately. Learning LOTS. ABOUT. BOUNDARIES.

Namely: What does it really mean when mommy says it's time to go to bed?

Part of the problem I know is me. She doesn't just come out of her room, she sleeks around the corner, left eyeball first, with a Grinch grin that causes me to erupt in giggles every time. After she and I have a moment of fun, daddy swoops in to return her to the bed. I know. This isn't teaching her to stay in bed. I know. Like I said, part of the problem is ME.

Last night, though, she was in rare form. Usually, after the first - maybe second time - of getting up, she retires. Not last night. After she'd gotten up to bring me shoes, to bring me an umbrella (?!?), to ask for water, she was up yet again. Each time, per my instructions, she returned to her room. On the third time, I gave her a final instruction, "E, if mommy has to get up to help you back in bed, I am going to spank you."

So...on the fourth time...I had to follow through. I followed her back to bed. I stopped her before she climbed into bed and got down on her level. "E, do you remember that mommy said if I had to help you back in bed, I would spank you?" And with the most spirited little voice, E replied, "M-hm!" After one small spank and a few tears while we hugged, E pushed back from me and said, "All better," then climbed into bed and kissed me goodnight. And stayed there.

I was proud of myself. I thought, "Wow! She really got it!" Then we came home tonight and she got up FIVE times before we repeated the procedure (though she wasn't as enthusiastic about remembering my instruction this time). Afterwards, I closed the door to her room so that in case she wasn't quite done leaving the bed...at least she would stay in her room. And not even five minutes later, she was banging on the door.

As I thought back over all of this, I am reminded so much of my own personality. I have a really hard time when God tells me, "No" or when he doesn't allow me to go somewhere or do something that I want to do. Sometimes I think I "get it" when it comes to what God would have for me, but in reality I am way off the mark. Sometimes when I am begging God for answers, it may seem as though he is ignoring me when in fact he is standing right on the other side of the door knowing that the best place for me to be is "in my room" for that moment.

If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!

-Matthew 7:11

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.

-1 Peter 5:6

He Makes Me Laugh

One of the best things about marrying the man I did was that I get to laugh...a lot. I'm certain this was one of the most strategic moves God made in putting the two of us together - he certainly knew that I would need a lot of joy sprinkled throughout my day. Sometimes he's goofy on purpose. Sometimes he's just goofy. Most days he's both. :)

Today as we were on our way home from visiting family over the weekend, I asked if we could make a quick stop into David's Bridal so that I could order my bridesmaids dress for my brother's wedding this coming summer.

L: How long do you think that will take?

Me: Oh, hopefully not too long. I just need to tell them I want a size 10 and pay for it.

L: Well, don't they need to measure you or something so you can make sure it's the right size?

Me: Ah, I'm hoping they won't make me do that - I'm sure a 10 will work. (Note: What woman doesn't hate getting measured?)

L: Well, what if it's the wrong size and doesn't fit? I mean, what if it's too small...I mean, too big...I mean...well, whatever size that means you're not fat.

Me: (Laughing hysterically) You mean, "What if the dress is too big?"

L: Yes. That one. What if the dress is too big?

Me: (Still laughing hysterically) I'll just have it altered.

L: Stop laughing. You knew what I meant.

Me: Of course I knew what you meant. (If I didn't, I would've socked you!)

The Honest Truth

I've been gone from the blogger world for a while. Since Thanksgiving to be exact.

Part of it (a small part of it, if I'm honest) is that I've just been BUSY. Too busy. But that's a story for another day. Another part of it (most of it, really) is that I've been wrestling with God on some pretty deep relational stuff. Stuff that's affected the core of who I am. Stuff that has made me question who He has made me to be, who He wants me to be, and the path He has me on at this exact moment. My incredible husband has been with me every step of the way, even when I went for about a week straight acting like a complete and total jerk to him every chance I had. It's difficult to write about something that turns your world upside down when you're still trying to figure out how to get everything right-side up again.

Hence...the sabbatical. Trust me, you didn't want to hear my thoughts anyway. Just ask my husband - he only got the tip of the iceberg, but I think it was more than enough for him. I remember repeating over and over again in my head the words I remember my mom telling me as a kid, "J, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." There's wisdom in that warning, you know.

The first time I felt like writing (and talking nicely) again was Friday, December 11th. Since then, I truly have been so busy with preparing for the inauguration of Santa and our family Christmases that I have fallen, nearly-comatose, into bed each night. Tonight, even though it's well past midnight, I felt driven to begin again, which was a feeling I decided not to ignore. Maybe tomorrow, I will be able to get to some pics from the past few weeks.

Though the break was nice, I am ready to be back and thankful that God has once again brought me through the fire and on to the other side, purified for His glory and equipped for His purpose. Onward!

Columbus Was Onto Something...

I can easily see how Columbus thought the earth was square. There are just sometimes when it is absolutely way too easy to simply "fall off the face of the earth," the past few days being case in point.

We are doing really well, just trying to keep our heads above water as L crams in the last month of studies for his first round of grad school classes, we get decorated for Christmas, prepared for birthdays, holidays and other celebrations galore that occur every December.

I will have pics and backdated posts up soon (our tree went up tonight, and I got a sweet shot of E hanging her first ornament ever on the tree!!)...as soon as I can catch my breath, that is. As for tonight, I have about 40 paper cuts in my tongue and a cramp in my right hand from working on Christmas cards, so I am going to call it and get some shut-eye.

A Few Moments of Thankfulness

1. Freedom to Worship. Through the sacrifice of many men and women who are serving this country and God, I am able to wake up every morning and with little-to-no persecution (relatively speaking) serve the God that I believe has died for me. Thank you to each and every one of you who has sacrificed to give me such an amazing and undeserved gift.

2.Family and Friends. Between incredible parents, awesome siblings, an amazing husband, a joyful daughter, sweet in-laws, wonderful friends, I really have an awesome support system and community.

3. A Home. Even though our house didn’t sell in the past six months on the market, and we weren’t able to make the move we were hoping for, I am certain that God has us exactly where He wants us. I am looking forward to growing within our little home and seeing God do amazing things within the four walls he has placed us for this time.

4. My Job. I have an amazing job doing things that make my heart come alive, working with people that truly inspire me to seek after Christ and be more like Him every day. I have so much respect and admiration for Truett Cathy and his obedience to the will of God. Our world is truly better because of this great man.

5. Food to eat. Thanksgiving with the Morgans/Styles is unbelievable. And after that, I still get to go home to a pantry and refrigerator stocked with the things that we need. What an incredible blessing.

Introducing: Disney Princesses

As we’ve broken into the full-length feature Disney/animation movies, I’ve been intentionally shying away from the ones with a “Princess” theme. Now, don’t get me wrong, I loved these movies as a girl (and still do), but I don’t know...I guess I just don’t want these movies to be the first influence over E’s heart and mind about what a princess “really is.” She’s already asking questions to her daddy like, “Am I cute?” and making comments about things being “pretty,” so I’m already feeling a few steps behind in the way of leading her to see beauty from a Godly perspective. Disney Princesses are surely not going to be helpful in supporting that kind of biblical worldview.

Nevertheless, her daddy inadvertently asked her if she wanted to watch “Beauty and the Beast” the other day, as it was on top of a stack of movies at the cabin. (He's now forgiven). I glanced his way and gave him the one-eyebrow raise as if to say, “Are you really sure you want to do this now?” But she’d already said “yes,” and since it has been offered, we decided to let it play out.

She, of course, loved the animation, loved the songs, loved every aspect. UNTIL the Beast appeared on the scene. I’d forgotten that in order to have a beauty to be rescued, there must be a villain inspired into plot. And though the Beast is certainly redeemed in the end, he is clearly very frightening in the beginning. So, after about thirty seconds of watching the Beast, E turned to me and, in the tiniest little voice, said, “Mama, Care Bears?” At which point I breathed a sigh of relief and said, “Absolutely, dear. Care Bears is a great choice.”

Saved by the villain this time. :)