Like Father, Like Son

Jehovah-jireh

Jehovah-jireh: The Lord Who provides; the Lord Who sees; the Lord Who will see to it that my every need is met; the One Who knows my need because He sees; the One Who is able to meet my need in just the right time as He did for Abraham; the One Who can meet it fully.


A few weeks back, our little family was over at our friends' house having dinner and spending some quality time together. E absolutely adores their kids, and follows them around like a little puppy...laughing at their silliness, playing with their toys, trying to do everything they do. They encourage us and offer wisdom to us as parents, and are living life fully to the glory of the Savior, so we gravitate toward spending our free evenings with them when we can. 


After finishing up dinner, C and I decided to make an ice cream run - one of our little "summertime" things. On the way out the door, I reminded E to finish her dinner so that she might be able to have some ice cream when we got back, and she trotted off to the kitchen.


Well, apparently at some point during our outing, E slipped out the back door of the house, wandered into the street where she was spotted and chased down by one of the neighbors, who - once he caught up to her - knocked on the front door and returned her safely to her daddy's arms. Though the whole episode could not have lasted more than five minutes, my heart aches to imagine the potential for danger in those brief moments.


Of course, all had been settled by the time C and I returned, but even the fact that I was absent for the entire situation brought an added measure of fear for having absolutely no control whatsoever of what had just happened. To say that L and I were shaken doesn't even begin to describe our emotions. We rode a pretty serious roller coaster for the next 24 hours, both trying to search out God's purpose for not only exposing E to such danger but also protecting her so miraculously - all within an extremely short amount of time. 


Though I believe I still have lessons to learn from this, here are a few things God has revealed to me so far: When I focus on my inadequacies as a parent that may have surely led to this event, I feel nothing but shame and helplessness. But when I focus on the amazing protection and providence of an Almighty Jehovah-jireh, I cannot deny His faithfulness, His enduring love, His amazing grace. I cannot help but praise a God who would see fit to meet me in my weakness and prove His strength. I cannot help but to humbly say Thank You for an act of mercy that was totally undeserved. And I cannot help but be reminded that above all of my plans, He is the One Who is in control. Focusing on myself leads to death and emotional devastation, but focusing on Him leads to life and hope in the One Who promises to "see to it that my every need is met."


"For the Lord is good; His steadfast love endures forever, and His faithfulness to all generations." Psalm 100:5

Relationships are more important than being right.

This is one of those things that I wrestle with God about every once in a while. I don’t mean for that to sound trite – He is a Holy God, and I believe we owe Him instant submission to His perfect will in every situation. I believe that…but I do not always give Him that (and I am so thankful for His unending grace for me).

So I absolutely admit that my “wrestling” is also disobedience (and while I’m at it, I might as well admit that it happens more than “every once in a while”). God gave me a brain that seeks security in logic, in the letter of the law, in what I see as just and right. And just like all good gifts from Father, Satan is quick to twist what is meant for God’s glory into a temptation to believe that I actually know better than my omniscient God. When the Spirit calls me to let go of being right in and instead walk in obedience to Him, I have this moment where I feel like a 3-year-old in my heart. But…God! What that person did was wrong! My thoughts are higher than your thoughts, and my ways are higher than your ways. But…God! I have forgiven them before, only to be betrayed again! Are you saying that I should just forgive and trust them again without any repercussions? Forgive others, so that your Father in Heaven may forgive you. Seventy times seven, J. But…God! What if it happens again? Place your hope in me. I am always faithful. I am always true. But…God! It did not honor you, and they should be punished for that. I am the only just King, Who sits on the Throne. I have chosen to forgive you over and over again, J. Who are you to decide who deserves the shed blood of my one and only Son?

And you get the picture. I am a finite human being with a very limited understanding of justice that is only further skewed by the ugly sin that entangles me. No way could I ever be more “right” than God. And he’s doing some pretty tough chiseling on my square brain when it comes to relationships: believing in others, trusting others, living in unity with those around me, even when it hurts a little. But that is the model that Jesus set for us here on earth: growing in favor with God and with man. Living peaceably with others. Forgiving sins that were in direct conflict with scriptural law. I feel like such a Pharisee when I realize how much of His life He devoted to relationships with others, and compare that to how much I live my life making sure that I’m abiding by the law.

“One who has been touched by grace will no longer look on those who stray as "those evil people" or "those poor people who need our help." Nor must we search for signs of "loveworthiness." Grace teaches us that God loves because of who God is, not because of who we are.” (What's So Amazing About Grace? by Philip Yancey)

An Answered Prayer

This post is dedicated to my friend, M, for being there for me in a BIG way today.

Tonight on the way home, I stopped by the grocery store to grab a few staples - milk, yogurt, etc. While there, my husband texted: he was in the mood for some ice cream. So when I'd gone through my list, I finished off my shopping in the frozen foods aisle.

As I made my decisions, a man walked up beside me and grabbed some ice cream as well, making an off-hand comment about whether or not I like Haagen Dazs. I smiled politely and replied that it didn't really matter to me - I was just looking for certain flavors. He kept talking and I kept looking for my ice cream, being polite but not overly friendly, but getting a little more uncomfortable with the fact that he kept talking to me. As I was walking away, he said, "I'm going to do something for you - I'm going to buy you this Haagen Dazs ice cream."

"No, that's alright," I replied.

But he insisted. "I'll just have to find you after I check out, and give this to you," he continued.

"I'm checking out now," I told him. I really just wanted to get out of there as soon as I could without him following me.

"Well, I am too," he said. As he followed me from the ice cream aisle to the check-out line, he started to ask more personal questions like where I was from and where I'd gone to school. And somewhere in those few steps, I began to PANIC. I needed a rescue. I needed to get to my car without him seeing where I was parked. I needed to know he wasn't scoping me out like a predator seeks out unsuspecting women. I needed God to miraculously intervene on my behalf. I prayed for all these things as I scanned my yogurt and my milk and my ice cream.

As I finished paying, mind racing with what to do next, afraid to lift my eyes, I heard a voice, "Hey, J!" And I looked up and met eyes with one of my husband's good buddies. Honest to goodness, I felt like kissing him...but I didn't. ;) When his wife (and my friend), M, walked up behind him, though, I hugged her tightly while quickly explaining the sketchy situation and begging her to walk me to her car in case the man followed me to the parking lot. She got her keys from her husband, and we walked toward the door together. We passed the man, who extended the ice cream to me, but clearly picked up the signals that I was finished with our conversation. As we walked to the car, I recounted all that had happened while she watched for signs of the man following us. When she determined that he was nowhere to be seen, we redirected to my car to load the groceries.

I know some people would've been more verbally combative with him - I'm not great with words under pressure, so I did what I always do: shut down and walk away. Some people I know would have noticed those red flags a LOT sooner than I did - it's true that I was definitely naive to the potential peril. However it happened, though - I do know one thing for sure: my God was my Deliverer tonight. He answered my prayer - overtly and immediately. He protected me from what was certainly a sketchy, if not dangerous, situation. And He loves me. He really, really loves me.

Our God is a God of salvation, and to GOD, the Lord, belong deliverances from death. -Psalm 68:20

Some Things Are Just Meant To Be...

Being Real is Scary

This vulnerability thing really is a tough one for me. I'm always surprised when someone opens up and shares something precious to them with me - I don't have incredible social skills, so I've always wondered what happened to get us to a place where they felt like they could trust me with such valuable information. But I listen. I pray. I try very hard to let God do the judging and the correcting and the teaching, and I simply take in. I pray again that they don't ask for my advice - my social skills don't usually let me move quickly enough to be able to offer something of value. I'm a processor, not a reactor. I don't take sides quickly because honestly it takes me a while to even figure out what the game is and decide if I should be in it or on the sidelines.

I've sat down at the computer what seems like a million times over the past couple of weeks to write down some of the thoughts swirling through my brain. I've got a lot that I really want to capture in writing - a lot about life, a lot about lessons I'm learning, a lot about some great people that I'm learning valuable lessons from, a lot about this incredible family that God has blessed me with. But every time I sit down, my hands freeze on the keypad. As much as I want to say what is going on in this brain of mine, I'll admit that sometimes I'm just a little terrified that there's a person out there reading my words as if I'm something other than a sinner saved by grace. I get nervous when I look back over my older posts and realize I've said something that could've been taken offensively or made a side comment that might not have represented Jesus the way that I mean to. I hate that one phrase or even one word could be held against me forever simply because I decided to write it down. It's vulnerable. It's scary. It's something that my flesh has been fighting against for a while now.

It's easy most days to write about E. She's young, mostly innocent of wrong, and her life is filled with joy on most occasions. But parenting is not my highest calling - loving God with all of my heart, mind, soul and strength is. It's easy to get confused sometimes and start working out my salvation on my own terms by doing the things that come most natural to me. What comes natural is different for everybody, but for me, parenting seems to come pretty naturally at this stage of life. It's tempting to throw all of my effort and energy into the task of being a mom, and I'll be honest - really rewarding on most days. It's harder to serve a God that I can't pin down and isn't controlled by my behavioral psychology - I must submit to HIS ways and trust HIS goodness, even when I can't explain it in any tangible or logical way. (Side note: If I served a God I could control in any way, He would be inferior to my power; therefore NOT A GOD. Just sayin'.)

So I've been asking myself this question...why do I write if it is so scary? Why am I compelled to put my thoughts into words even though I hold my breath every time I press the "post" button? Is it because I want to capture moments of life that I don't want to ever forget? Is it for the benefit of future generations? Is it for the family members that live too far away to see E regularly?

Yes........but ultimately, no. I write because God tells me to. In the end, I am accountable to Him and Him Alone. He is the One who knows and is able to judge the intentions of my heart with every word I write. I hope that one day future generations will be able to look back and see a great grandmother's life lived out before her True King, but even if they do not, I am here now - doing this one thing in obedience to my Savior and God. My ultimate hope is to glorify Him through the words that I write. If I take a social misstep here or there, well - that is all definitely easy for this gal to do now and again. I hold to these words as a reminder of my God who will forever have His mighty grip on me:

"I am glad He is God... and I am not.
He knows... when I do not know.
He is able... when I am not able.
He does it... when I can't do it.
He loves when I do not even know where to begin... and keeps on loving even when I fall short."

Soli deo gloria!!

What Do Eggs Have To Do With Easter?

I've received quite a bit of flack for taking seriously my responsibility to inform my friends, family and co-workers that egg hunting has nothing to do with Jesus' resurrection. After all, I learned this very important lesson from my husband on no less than the Wal-mart Easter aisle during our last date night.

In support of my new-found soapbox, I found this card at Target:

When I stumbled upon this card, I almost had to sit down on the floor I was laughing so hard. I mean, seriously - this is some good satire.

I've thought a lot about the words "balance" and "traditions" when it comes to celebrating the good ol' Easter bunny. Sometimes I think we as Christians can justify being disobedient to that still small voice of Jesus by covering up our actions with words like these. Are traditions and balance inherently wrong? Of course not! But if God is calling our little family to swim upstream against the societal norm of ________ (fill-in-the-blank), then I have to trust that He is doing intentionally for our benefit; that He - in His infinite wisdom - has a very specific plan and purpose for our lives in which we need to not be accustomed to that luxury or lifestyle. This is not a "judgment" call - it's an obedience call (in other words - having much or having little is neither good nor bad - it's all about walking within the will of God and obeying Him with what He has given us). So often I fall into the trap of making decisions based on social norms and customs instead of based on His whispers. I did that when we purchased our first house, and now we're getting ready to sell it for most likely a substantial loss (sigh).

When God whispers to us - when He breathes a radical, countercultural idea into our souls - it is always for His glory and for our good. Though we may not understand why God has impressed upon us a particular lens through which we see the world (in this case for me: egg hunts), we have to trust that He has a good plan and a beautiful purpose, and hold on to the glorious revealing of His completed works one day.

The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by." Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. Then a voice said to him, "What are you doing here, Elijah?" -1 Kings 19:11-13 NIV