On the way to school this morning, I started up a conversation with E about her "favorites" - just to see what she would say. After going through the usual list of favorite color, favorite food, favorite movie, favorite song, favorite friend, I decided to dig a little more. (Confession time - I really wanted to ask her whether mommy was her favorite or daddy.) But I couldn't get past the voice in my head arguing just how unfair and unbiblical that question really was, so I opted for another:
Me: "Hey E - What's your favorite thing that mommy does?"
E: "Ummm...cook."
(I had made her scrambled eggs that morning, which is one of her favorite things to eat)
Me: "So, what's your favorite thing that daddy does?"
E grins a little, sticks outs her tongue, and proceeds to make potty noises with her mouth...and then starts laughing hysterically.
I'm not sure if there has ever been a better commentary on life at our house. :)
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Sassiness
I guess I knew I had it coming. In fact, the overwhelming majority of the people that I confide in these days have one response: "Well, I wonder where she got that from, hmmm?" (insert dripping sarcasm)
I will absolutely admit to a certain amount of pride over my daughter's behavior in the past. She is (by nature) full of joy and laughter, attractive, very healthy, a great eater, a great sleeper - and though I can take credit for absolutely none of these things, I have still stood back and beamed with pride as others have taken notice of some of these things about her as well.
And, because of my background and training in behavior modification, I have also managed to stay pretty much a few steps ahead of her on the battlefield up to this point.
And then she turned 3.
Friends warned us. Parents warned us. Authors of well-respected books warned us. Our pediatrician even warned us. And as we received these warnings, I - of course - nodded my head and smiled, seemingly understanding and accepting all they were saying; but secretly rebelling in my head: What - my child? Do you even know E? Don't you know that I have had extensive training in behavioral therapy? And she even has a very involved and authoritative father - doesn't that make such a huge difference?
It's a really good thing that I have developed a filter for my thoughts and chose to keep those particular ones to myself. Because today I am eating my words. For breakfast, lunch, dinner and a few snacks in between.
Being a parent these days is so hard. Instant gratification permeates our world. Children are valued in theory but not in practice, leading to a LOT of judgment passed on parents who are just trying to figure it all out, and I've been on both sides of the coin - finding myself passing judgment in one moment and then hiding from it in the very next.
I am so thankful to authors such as Leslie Leyland Fields, Dr. Tedd Tripp, Dr. Voddie Baucham, and many others, including some incredible friends, who are in the trenches of raising children in the Lord - not just talking the talk, but walking the walk. And by walking the walk, I mean exposing their strengths and their weaknesses, their successes and their failures, the results of their reliance on God's strength and the results of their reliance on their own strength.
Waking up to a 3-year-old who is beginning to test drive sassy little come-backs to my directives such as, "You know better than that, Mommy" and "I don't like you right now" and even just the simple, silent, willful, direct disobedience has been a little derailing lately, to be honest. At times, I've simply been so overwhelmed and bewildered at her blatant disobedience that I've had to take my own little "time-out" just to regroup and decide what to do next. Its confusing how I can love her more today than I ever have before and yet at the same time lack so much confidence in whether I am actually demonstrating that love to her as well today as I was yesterday. Love includes discipline, restraint, boundaries, in addition to the physical affection, quality time, words of affirmation and all the other things that had been in my parenting bag of tricks. When to hug and affirm and forgive? When to discipline, say no to something, withhold? When to discuss the issue? When to resolve?
Thankfully, I am not without a Guide in this process. God - our Father - has not only given us pages and pages full of how to demonstrate His love to our children, but He has actually gone before us and done it. And He has placed within me the Holy Spirit to lead and guide me each and every moment. And given us Jesus, who paid the price for our shortcomings, our sins. Every time I fail at this thing called parenting, all I have to do is run straight for the forgiveness that has already been purchased for me through Jesus' death on the cross.
This past week in church our pastor preached for almost an hour on four verses. Something of the norm, I might add. ;) Anyhow, one of the verses he talked for a while on was Revelation 2:9, "I know your tribulation and your poverty (but you are rich)." He was talking to the church in Smyrna, a group of Christians that were facing a LOT of persecution for their claim to Christ. But as our pastor discussed the many expositions and implications of this verse, I began to see a lot of parallels in how I view my own life. There are so many areas I see of tribulation and poverty (parenting has been climbing to the top of this list very quickly as of late), but in all these things - in all actuality - I am rich! I have God the Father, Jesus Christ the Son and Savior, and the Holy Spirit living and active within me. I have the promise of eternity with Jesus. I have all the power given to Jesus and more. I have all these things, which certainly adds up to a LOT more than my "bag of tricks," and it's time I start relying more on these things than on my own abilities and start parenting out of my richness in Christ instead of out of my poverty as a human. And I think maybe - just maybe - the humility brought on by the newly-found sassiness of my little lady has afforded me an opportunity to come, on my knees, for a fresh start again.
"Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." ~Mark 10:15
I will absolutely admit to a certain amount of pride over my daughter's behavior in the past. She is (by nature) full of joy and laughter, attractive, very healthy, a great eater, a great sleeper - and though I can take credit for absolutely none of these things, I have still stood back and beamed with pride as others have taken notice of some of these things about her as well.
And, because of my background and training in behavior modification, I have also managed to stay pretty much a few steps ahead of her on the battlefield up to this point.
And then she turned 3.
Friends warned us. Parents warned us. Authors of well-respected books warned us. Our pediatrician even warned us. And as we received these warnings, I - of course - nodded my head and smiled, seemingly understanding and accepting all they were saying; but secretly rebelling in my head: What - my child? Do you even know E? Don't you know that I have had extensive training in behavioral therapy? And she even has a very involved and authoritative father - doesn't that make such a huge difference?
It's a really good thing that I have developed a filter for my thoughts and chose to keep those particular ones to myself. Because today I am eating my words. For breakfast, lunch, dinner and a few snacks in between.
Being a parent these days is so hard. Instant gratification permeates our world. Children are valued in theory but not in practice, leading to a LOT of judgment passed on parents who are just trying to figure it all out, and I've been on both sides of the coin - finding myself passing judgment in one moment and then hiding from it in the very next.
I am so thankful to authors such as Leslie Leyland Fields, Dr. Tedd Tripp, Dr. Voddie Baucham, and many others, including some incredible friends, who are in the trenches of raising children in the Lord - not just talking the talk, but walking the walk. And by walking the walk, I mean exposing their strengths and their weaknesses, their successes and their failures, the results of their reliance on God's strength and the results of their reliance on their own strength.
Waking up to a 3-year-old who is beginning to test drive sassy little come-backs to my directives such as, "You know better than that, Mommy" and "I don't like you right now" and even just the simple, silent, willful, direct disobedience has been a little derailing lately, to be honest. At times, I've simply been so overwhelmed and bewildered at her blatant disobedience that I've had to take my own little "time-out" just to regroup and decide what to do next. Its confusing how I can love her more today than I ever have before and yet at the same time lack so much confidence in whether I am actually demonstrating that love to her as well today as I was yesterday. Love includes discipline, restraint, boundaries, in addition to the physical affection, quality time, words of affirmation and all the other things that had been in my parenting bag of tricks. When to hug and affirm and forgive? When to discipline, say no to something, withhold? When to discuss the issue? When to resolve?
Thankfully, I am not without a Guide in this process. God - our Father - has not only given us pages and pages full of how to demonstrate His love to our children, but He has actually gone before us and done it. And He has placed within me the Holy Spirit to lead and guide me each and every moment. And given us Jesus, who paid the price for our shortcomings, our sins. Every time I fail at this thing called parenting, all I have to do is run straight for the forgiveness that has already been purchased for me through Jesus' death on the cross.
This past week in church our pastor preached for almost an hour on four verses. Something of the norm, I might add. ;) Anyhow, one of the verses he talked for a while on was Revelation 2:9, "I know your tribulation and your poverty (but you are rich)." He was talking to the church in Smyrna, a group of Christians that were facing a LOT of persecution for their claim to Christ. But as our pastor discussed the many expositions and implications of this verse, I began to see a lot of parallels in how I view my own life. There are so many areas I see of tribulation and poverty (parenting has been climbing to the top of this list very quickly as of late), but in all these things - in all actuality - I am rich! I have God the Father, Jesus Christ the Son and Savior, and the Holy Spirit living and active within me. I have the promise of eternity with Jesus. I have all the power given to Jesus and more. I have all these things, which certainly adds up to a LOT more than my "bag of tricks," and it's time I start relying more on these things than on my own abilities and start parenting out of my richness in Christ instead of out of my poverty as a human. And I think maybe - just maybe - the humility brought on by the newly-found sassiness of my little lady has afforded me an opportunity to come, on my knees, for a fresh start again.
"Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." ~Mark 10:15
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