As I have endeavored once again to continue blogging on a regular basis (it's too daunting still to commit to the word "daily," but I'm trying), I have been met with nothing but encouragement on every side. My parents and my husband have always been the biggest cheerleaders...partly because this is sometimes the only way they get to hear the things I am pondering in my heart, the things that the Holy Spirit really is working on in me and teaching me and telling me.
I'm still struggling with figuring out how to make it part of my daily schedule. When should I try to fit it in? What is acceptable to sacrifice in order to make this a priority? Those are all questions that I'm working through as I figure out how to be obedient to the Holy Spirit as He directs me to continue to chronicle this journey He has me on.
So, in light of all these things, I started to flip back through my previous "unpublished" posts in an effort to wrap up any loose ends and also save a little time on the front end of creating an entry. Of course, these are all the reasons I had for returning to the unfinished pile...while God had a totally different one.
Most of you know that in August of last year, L and I found out we were expecting our second child. In October, during my 10-week ultrasound, I got tons of pictures, saw my baby kicking around, and heard a thrilling little heartbeat. In November, during my 15-week visit, we found out that our little one had stopped growing, and thus began one of the hardest journeys I have ever been on to date.
Somewhere between the 10-week visit and the 14-week visit, I wrote this post below, in light of all the trials I was witnessing in the lives of those around me. What I didn't know at the time, was that the Lord was massaging my heart and life to be able to have the strength to withstand the sword that was soon to come my way. Everything written below is nothing short of completely divine from my perspective, even down to the fact that I had begun this post with a passage from Jeremiah, the name that L and I eventually chose to give our son that was born to us on November 19, 2010. Even though the post stops a little abruptly at the end, I hope you can see where I was going with it (I don't want to mess with the integrity of it at all, so I am leaving it unfinished). My prayer is that you will be as encouraged as I am to see that our God goes before us in all things to prepare us for the trials He allows to come our way. And He meets us with grace in the wilderness, He comes to us and brings rest, and His love and His faithfulness will continue forever and forever. He is so worthy of our praise in all things.
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October 6, 2010
"At that time, declares the LORD, I will be the God of all the clans of Israel, and they shall be my people." Thus says the LORD: "The people who survived the sword found grace in the wilderness; when Israel sought for rest, the LORD appeared to him from far away. I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you." -Jeremiah 31:1-3
There's a lot of pain in this world, and recently I feel met with a lot of it. Not my own - but the pain of others that is tangible enough to taste. To be honest, some days I selfishly wrestle with fear for my own family experiencing something similar, and other days I selfishly wrestle with my own misunderstandings on comprehending a God that could not just allow, but even ordain, such fiery trials.
Not one of us can understand Him or His purposes - we see finitely, and He sees infinitely. We are trapped in a dimension of time, and He has always been, is the Great I AM, and will always be. Our selfish intentions lead us to serve to the master of sin, His self-glorying purposes are always Holy, because He is Holy.
I am encouraged to watch my friends in the trials, though. I truly believe that when God ordains for His people to go through trials, He grants them access to His grace in ways and through channels that they've never before known. I don't know how else to explain why my friend can praise God through the midst of his wife living on the fringe of death, in a medically-induced coma to suppress the effects of seizure after seizure, while their two children, 3 and 1, wait and wonder at their grandparents house.
Wow, that is really something! I'm always surprised (but never should be) about God's providential timing. I was just thinking about your little one the other day, and thinking about how he's been in heaven now longer than he was on earth. It's no doubt he has enjoyed more joy in his short time off the earth than we have in all our years on it, don't you think?
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