Shannon

In a former life, I was a therapist to one of my forever heroes. If you've ever worked one-on-one intentionally with a child, you understand that cell phones don't really mix in with therapy time. As in, you don't ever have a good moment to take a call or check a voicemail.

One night as I was cleaning up and writing notes after a late session, I picked my phone up off the counter to check for any important messages, and saw a text from my husband that accompanied several missed calls: "Call me now." Not good.

When I called, I had one of those "Top Five Conversations You Never Want to Have" moments, as I learned that he had been in a very serious car wreck and was on the way to the hospital - feeling physically okay considering the circumstances, but emotionally wrecked. As I talked with him, I rushed to put the last few things in place and left, trying to time my trip by the house to let the very-new puppy out just right so that I could meet him at the ER.

When I got to the ER, I learned several things. 1) My man WAS going to be okay (I needed to hold him to be able to know it). 2) Shannon - the girl who was driving the car and who pulled out in front of him, did not make it. Though the others (her friend and her two siblings) were all going to be physically okay, they had lost their sister and mom that day. She was quite young, and nobody was ready to let go of her. For the next few weeks, we struggled with a lot of emotions that we had never faced before. Sometimes L would break down and cry during the middle of doing things that he knew Shannon would never be able to do again or never be able to experience. Satan tried to attack his mind a lot, and I watched vigilantly for signs of depression. Sometimes I felt closer to him than I'd ever felt before, and sometimes there were miles of nothingness between us. It was a defining moment for us, to be sure.

Because the accident happened on a road that we travel fairly frequently, we always notice the little white cross that stands in memory of her at that intersection. When we pass it, I pray and wonder where her family and that friend are right then. I wonder if they are doing okay. I wonder how they remember that day. I wonder about the path that God has them on and why that moment was necessary and purposeful for Him to be able to carry out His Will in their lives and in our lives.

And so, on this day this year and for every year, we remember Shannon. We pray for her loved ones and for their continued comfort and God's continued faithfulness and nearness to them. We trust His Sovereignty. We acknowledge His power over life and death. We believe that He means all things for our good and His glory. We are thankful for His protection over our earthly lives and hopeful for a glorious revelation of His perfect mind one day - a moment where the veil is lifted and we finally "get it." And we wait with anticipation for the day when we embrace Shannon and celebrate Jesus together.

There will be a day with no more tears,

No more pain, and no more fears

There will be a day when the burdens of this place

Will be no more, we'll see Jesus face to face

-Jeremy Camp

When I Think I Get It...But I Really Don't

E has been wonderfully independent lately. Learning LOTS. ABOUT. BOUNDARIES.

Namely: What does it really mean when mommy says it's time to go to bed?

Part of the problem I know is me. She doesn't just come out of her room, she sleeks around the corner, left eyeball first, with a Grinch grin that causes me to erupt in giggles every time. After she and I have a moment of fun, daddy swoops in to return her to the bed. I know. This isn't teaching her to stay in bed. I know. Like I said, part of the problem is ME.

Last night, though, she was in rare form. Usually, after the first - maybe second time - of getting up, she retires. Not last night. After she'd gotten up to bring me shoes, to bring me an umbrella (?!?), to ask for water, she was up yet again. Each time, per my instructions, she returned to her room. On the third time, I gave her a final instruction, "E, if mommy has to get up to help you back in bed, I am going to spank you."

So...on the fourth time...I had to follow through. I followed her back to bed. I stopped her before she climbed into bed and got down on her level. "E, do you remember that mommy said if I had to help you back in bed, I would spank you?" And with the most spirited little voice, E replied, "M-hm!" After one small spank and a few tears while we hugged, E pushed back from me and said, "All better," then climbed into bed and kissed me goodnight. And stayed there.

I was proud of myself. I thought, "Wow! She really got it!" Then we came home tonight and she got up FIVE times before we repeated the procedure (though she wasn't as enthusiastic about remembering my instruction this time). Afterwards, I closed the door to her room so that in case she wasn't quite done leaving the bed...at least she would stay in her room. And not even five minutes later, she was banging on the door.

As I thought back over all of this, I am reminded so much of my own personality. I have a really hard time when God tells me, "No" or when he doesn't allow me to go somewhere or do something that I want to do. Sometimes I think I "get it" when it comes to what God would have for me, but in reality I am way off the mark. Sometimes when I am begging God for answers, it may seem as though he is ignoring me when in fact he is standing right on the other side of the door knowing that the best place for me to be is "in my room" for that moment.

If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!

-Matthew 7:11

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.

-1 Peter 5:6