Surrounded

Giving words to Day 3 has been difficult, so I'm going to take a break and come back to the here and now for a while. To say that people have been kind to us over the past few days is so understated. L and have found ourselves saying over and over again, "There is an army surrounding us." An army of people who have met every need, even before we knew them, even when those needs were small and (seemingly) insignificant, or even when those needs were completely unrelated (logically) to the immediate concerns of health, safety and support. L and I talked today also about how sweet it has been to see God knit together the strengths in each of our friends and family members, to meet our needs completely, even though no one person alone has been able to meet all of our needs.

I want to remember these thoughtful deeds and caring words and the steady support for the rest of our lives. I want to build an alter of thanks to the Lord, recognizing that He has been the one weaving every facet and every detail of these days together -  not just sustaining us but setting our feet on solid rock; not simply shielding us from pain but allowing us to drink deeply of the joy of the Lord.

On Thursday, as I mentioned before, L had some things to settle at work in preparation for the days ahead, so we agreed for him to go into work while I ran a few errands. Obviously a little side-tracked as he pulled into the parking lot at work, he forgot to cut the headlights before getting out of the car. So at noon, when he was supposed to be on his way to lunch with friend before coming home to me and E, he discovered that his battery not just dead, it was so dead that it could not even be jumped off, and eventually discovered to be so dead that it did not even register a charge at the local auto supply store. People jumped at the chance to assist in a tangible way, and he was soon off to lunch in another vehicle, while friends took care of replacing our battery and eventually returning our vehicle to us. This has been one of those somewhat unrelated gifts of compassion and care for us, but it directly relates in the sense that it eliminated a potentially distracting and frustrating event and allowed us to continue grieving and processing our most immediate situation.

I have mentioned it already, but it is worth saying again: God has been alive and evident through our little girl. After noticing the flowers around our house that had been delivered throughout the day yesterday, she gathered together some "flowers" herself from outside, and presented them to me last night. She has been patient and kind and thoughtful. She has not been perfect, but she has been real in her love to me. We have not yet had a moment to explain all that has gone on in the past few days, but I have no doubt that she will accept it with grace and as much understanding as she can. I am so thankful that God has allowed us to parent her for a season, and will be forever changed in the way that I carry out my responsibility to do so.

According to hospital policy, I was not allowed to eat from the time they began the induction until the time that they released me from the hospital yesterday. Clear liquids and sugar-free popsicles were my only indulgences (and, admittedly, a few Jolly Ranchers snuck in between nurse rounds). Because my husband still had a need for food, though, people began signing up to bring us food first thing on Friday morning, and it literally hasn't stopped since. Breakfast, lunch and dinner has been provided for two days straight, and meals are already mapped out through next weekend. I'm not sure I've actually ever thought of taking food to someone who's experienced a miscarriage, but I'll never overlook the true ministry of that simple action in the future. Once again, it has allowed us to experience these moments without stopping to think of our basic physical needs. Also, though I am certainly capable of cooking for myself at this time, receiving someone into our home to share a meal with us has allowed us to experience community and share the story of God's faithfulness again and again, and is multiplying the effect of the gospel throughout the lives of our friends and family, and bringing glory to God in a way I truly never anticipated.

Many people have prayed for us over these last few days. Before I even received hard evidence via ultrasound, people were praying. Interceding for us, pleading with God to guard our hearts and minds against the lies of the Enemy, praying for strength for each moment, praying for specific events to occur that would allow us healing, praying for things that I still do not even know about. As people have shared their specific prayers with us, I continue to be amazed at how God has directly answered them. For example, one friend shared with us that he prayed we would not feel as though any of this was our fault, and specifically that I would not wonder why my body rejected this baby. I had wondered many times throughout these last few days why I was not battling with those particular feelings, and as he shared his prayer with me, I understood why. Because he (and I am sure that others) had been going before us in prayer and shielding us from the lies of the Enemy for those exact emotions. That's why. Another friend prayed specifically for us to find comfort in His grace and cling to the truth that He has not forsaken us; while reading her words I knew why I had been able to do that these days: because she (and others) had prayed for those things for us. The events of the birth unfolded in ways that seemed to answer our every prayer. Feelings of sadness were met with surpassing feelings of infinite joy. L and I have had more love for each other and have been more connected to each other than ever before. And all of these things (and more) our friends and family have literally told us they have prayed for. I pray that God has received the glory for granting the requests of these amazing prayer warriors.

Several scriptures have been spoken over us these past few days. They have pointed us to truth and encouraged us immensely.

• Jeremiah 1:5 - "Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, and before you were born, I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations."
• 1 Peter 1:3-9 - "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to His great mercy, He has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God's power are being guarded through faith for salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith - more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire - may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen Him, you love Him. Though you do not now see Him, you believe in Him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls."
• Psalm 54:4 (spoken over us by a 7-yr-old!)- "Behold, God is my helper; the Lord is the upholder of my life."
• Psalm 56:8 - "You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in Your bottle. Are they not in Your book?"
• 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 - "But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
• Psalm 84:11 - "For the Lord is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly."
• Psalm 23 - "The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for His Name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever."
• Psalm 34:18 - "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."
• Isaiah 43:1-3 - "But now thus says the Lord, He Who created you, O Jacob, He Who formed you, O Israel; 'Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through the fire you shall not be burned, and the flames shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I give Egypt as your ransom, Cush and Seba in exchange for you.'"

And finally, there have been countless email, texts, cards, flowers, voicemails, visits, and life-giving words of support, encouragement and love. We are forever grateful for our friends and families who have lifted us up and held us close during this time. Thank you for joining with us on this journey. Our prayer continues to be that as we live life transparently before you, you will be able to taste and see that the Lord is good in ALL that He does, and that He will reveal Himself to you so that you will come to know and believe in our God, the living Christ who shed His blood on the cross - our Savior who is oh so worthy of nothing less than all our love.