First of all, this is my first-ever blog post on my new iPad(!!). My husband teamed up with my parents on a gift that has absolutely blown my mind. The cool part about the gift is the affirmation that came with it in regards to my writing. Their intention with this gift is not just that I could have an awesome toy (even though it is!) but that it would be stewarded in a way that allowed me to blog more easily and more often, to write at times that would otherwise be more difficult without the technology. It's no secret that to those who know me that blogging has been a window into my mostly-secret thoughts. Thoughts that in the past I have guarded very carefully, even from those whom I love and trust. Sometimes it's hard for me to verbalize those thoughts - either for fear of judgment or just because I can conceptualize the difficulty and time it would take to work through an idea with someone, and that length of time just does not practically exist at that particular moment. I have blogged many, many late nights when the house is quiet enough for me to work through the maze of my complicated thoughts and ideas. My husband and I have a running joke that sometimes others know me better than he does simply because they read my blog posts before he is able to get to them. And I have to admit that to some degree and on some days, that is probably true. Words just seem to organize in my head and flow onto paper more easily than out of my mouth. And I have the added bonus of the "delete" button when I write something I decide I didn't really mean or that doesn't truly reflect my heart or God's Word accurately. Can't do that in conversation...if you could, I would probably have more friends. ;) Anyhow, as excited as I truly am about this gift, I feel quite impressed upon to steward it well - not just as a toy, but as a way to honor God more fully in my life. I pray that I am able to do that.
Secondly, there is of course the great sadness that ebbs and flows with the desire to be nurturing life within my womb this Christmas season. The great sadness has led, though, to a fuller understanding of the greater JOY that Christ was born to us, that He chose humility and human weakness...that He left the right hand of the Father in search of the hand of His Bride. I know that Jeremiah's life was not only meant to bring me closer to Christ, but it has and for that I am looking forward to one day hugging my son and telling him how much he has affected my life just in the few weeks God allowed him to grow. The picture below is the only piece of a quilt that my sister had finished when we got the news that Jeremiah had passed. For Christmas, she framed it and gave it to us. Every single part of it is divinely inspired, and I am so thankful - once again - for God's tender graces to us through our friends and family.
Thirdly, because of travel plans this year (one of which included me agreeing to allow my parents to fly E to the other side of the continent to visit my brother and his wife in California...still not sure what I was thinking!?), we chose to have Santa bring presents on the morning of Christmas Eve. It was a completely logistical decision, but as I woke up this morning, my mind clear of any notions of presents and video cameras and breakfast preparations, I was able to sit quietly in the early morning and just pray and read the Word and remember and meditate on my Savior and thank Him for choosing us, for choosing me. The divinely-inspired ability to enjoy and celebrate and begin this day focused only on Jesus' birth has compelled me to secretly plan to work out a deal with "Santa" to arrive at our house every Christmas Eve morning from now on. Maybe I can talk him into that - we'll have to see. :)
Getting ready for the big trip to California...
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