So Great

Today has been a hard day for many friends of mine. Though I did not know him personally, I understand that Mike Sweeney has lived a life that epitomizes Philippians 1:21, "For [Mike Sweeney], to live is Christ, AND to die is gain. He both lived in the fullness of Christ, and died to the gain of his Heavenly Father, leaving an incredible legacy of faith with his loved ones.

As I sat in church yesterday, I noticed a verse written on the dry erase board on the wall (our church is a school during the week), and the words hit me so powerfully in that moment that I had to write them down. It holds a lot of weight with many stories of cancer and unexpected loss and death that seems to just be happening all around me right now.

"Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men." Lamentations 3:32-33

How is it possible that an all-powerful, all-knowing, almighty God can unwillingly bring grief? Honestly, I do not have His mind, and I do not have the answer to that question. Lamentations 3 is full of the writer's conflict between the same God who purposes both calamity and good, who seemingly allows injustice to reign over a believer's life for a season before stepping forth and defending the cause of His beloved.

I'm not sure why, but I am intensely drawn toward the picture that God is tender and compassionate with me during the midst of the very trials that he ordained. Toward a God whose heart breaks as the waves he has made crash over me. Toward a God who is mysteriously able to sew painful stitches to heal a sinful, broken part of me.

Is He safe? No, but He's good. He's the King, I tell ya.

B.H.A.G.

Chick-fil-A has a love affair with the B.H.A.G.

B.H.A.G. = Big. Hairy. Audacious. Goal.

At the Chick-fil-A Seminar in Washington, D.C. this past weekend, I got a new perspective on what a BHAG really is. Danny Cahill, the "biggest" Biggest Loser the reality TV show has ever seen, was a guest on Tuesday at Seminar. He lost 239 lbs on the show - from 430 to 191 lbs over the course of the season.

Crazy Awesome.

What struck me the most was his very candid interview on stage. He admitted that he had lost 50-60 lbs multiple times over the course of his life, but because he couldn't see a difference in the mirror, he would give up and end up gaining it back. He said that if you took all the times that he lost those 50-60 lbs and added them up, it was way more weight than what he lost on the show. His "take-home point" was that he spent more energy and time quitting during all those years of being overweight than it took him to "win" on the show.

Seeing him there, it was obvious that he had had a radical perspective change. He had accomplished a Big Hairy Audacious Goal. My husband turned and looked at me as we were walking out the door after the break, "HE eliminates any excuse I could ever have for anything ever again." And it's true. He's inspiring. He's living out Scripture and bearing the standard for those of us whom God has called and equipped for the task before us.

I love how The Message puts it..."let's not allow ourselves...." So many times I "allow myself" to quit. I present excuses and accept them. I talk myself out of doing good - right there in my head, all to myself. JMom has a quote on her blog that I think of often: "The way we spend our days is, of course, the way we spend our lives" (Annie Dillard). Am I going to spend my days (and my life) giving up on the things that God has called me to do? Am I going to spend my days (and my life) thinking up excuses for not completing the task God has for me?

So let's not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don't give up, or quit.
Galatians 6:9 (The Message)

Blessing Near Brasstown Bald

My parents finally did something this summer they've been wanting to do since they first met each other almost 30 years ago: they bought a house in the mountains on a lake. God's blessing over their lives, mixed with a downturn in the economy, gave them an opportunity for an incredibly sweet purchase in the North Georgia mountains, and we made our inaugural trip this weekend.

I am so blessed to have the parents I have. Not only have they passed down a spiritual legacy to the next generation, they are now also adding to that a physical legacy of a "resting place" - a place where friends and family can meet for many years to come.

Though it was a short visit, the weather was beautiful today, so we journeyed over to Brasstown Bald - just a short car ride away - to take in the view. It was well worth it! Because it was such a clear, beautiful day, you could see the skyscrapers in Atlanta off the south side of the tower. If you look closely in the last picture below, you can see the shadows of the big city in the background - towering over the mountains in front of it. The best part is that everything that man created in that city doesn't even compare to the beauty of God's natural creation in the rest of the picture!!

A Seaman's Story

We spent some time on Monday morning with my husband's dad's dad (E's great-grandaddy Bost) and his wife, Jenny. When we went out for lunch, we somehow got on the topic of his history with the U.S. Navy during World War II, and I sat with a mouth open-wide as he told a story of how he - as an 18-year-old - not only survived a torpedo attack on the USS Donnell, a destroyer en route to Europe, but then also went on to join the forces in the attack on the beaches of Normandy.

At the time of the torpedo attack, he should have been asleep in his assigned bunk. Instead, he had traded bunks with another soldier that was on duty. If he had been in his assigned bunk, his life would have been taken along with the lives of the 29 other men that day. Instead, God had other plans.

He went back home after the war, back to his mom's house (who had signed a waiver for him to be able to join the Navy at the age of 17 at the time of the draft), back to his preacher to find out just why God had spared him his life that day. "I don't know why he chose to allow me to live that day," he said very candidly as we sat around the table.

Ohhhh...but I do Grandaddy Bost. I'm sure there's a million, but I've got living proof of one perfect little reason why God spared your life that day.

I always think about my friend G when I clean out the refrigerator.

When I was interning at a church during college, I lived with G. She was, hands down, one of the best roommates I've ever had. On the first day I moved in, she gave me a list of "Things to Know About Living Here," which included how to park in the driveway (no lie) and how to avoid the wrath of her devil-cat (wish I were joking). I have so many fond memories of that brief moment in my life, like...

-Buying ice cream from the grocery store, ordering pizza from Dominoes, and sitting on the couch stuffing our faces while watching the "Biggest Loser."

-Coming home to find my sister, who was visiting me for the week, squatting on top of the kitchen counter, wearing oven mitts and holding a broom, terrified of the "devil-cat" who was hissing and spitting at her from the middle of the kitchen floor.

-Constant conversations about how I used to leave kitchen cabinet doors open and accidentally burn the burner covers on the stove.

-Sideways glances from her when L and I would sit too close together on the couch.

-Her laugh. It's one of my top five most favorite laughs in the whole wide world.

-Unashamed jealousy over the fact that her mom's favorite thing to do was show up unannounced and take her on a shopping spree.

But my all-time favorite memory of G has to be the realization that there was a leftover covered casserole dish in her refrigerator from the Thanksgiving the year before. Mind you, I moved into the house during the summer. We threw that whole $15-dish away, we never even opened the lid. I think we sat in the middle of the kitchen floor and laughed for a half hour. So, every time I clean out my refrigerator and stumble upon a tupperware container that was shoved into the back and forgotten about, I think of my friend G. And I smile.

Hesistant Obedience

I was in a local store the other day doing some random shopping when I stumbled upon a winter jacket that I have been trying to find for the past two years. It was exactly what I had been looking for - thick, quilted coat with the faux fur removable hood, longer length, mocha brown color, ON SALE; it was perfect. One problem: I was out of budget money for clothing, for gifts, and for "me" purchases. There was really nothing left that I could use to spend on this item. I pulled it off the rack anyway and walked through the rest of the store with it in my buggy, thinking, "Maybe I'll just get the okay from God anyway, and then I can find a way to justify it with my husband."

No such luck. I finished with the rest of my shopping and returned to the same clothing rack with my jacket in hand. I tried it on - it was a perfect fit. I literally had a conversation with God in my head: "I can put it away and use it as a Christmas present, right?" "I need a jacket like this" "I've waited two years to find this jacket for less than $80 somewhere!" And on and on. At one point in time I put it in my buggy and walked on, deciding that I would just buy it anyway, certain that I wasn't hearing the Holy Spirit correctly, unbelieving that He could be telling me to walk away from the steal of the century on a jacket I'd wanted for years. I got up to the checkout counter, loaded all my items on the belt, then of course had to walk all the way back to the back of the store to hang that stupid jacket back up, because I chickened out in the end. I mean, really - did I actually think I was going to be able to walk out of that store in complete rebellion against God who saved my soul from eternal death...over a $80 jacket?!?!

I flipped open my Bible tonight to Hebrews 12 and then remembered something that Matt Chandler said last week at Catalyst: "Every bit of hesitancy in obedience is a beckoning of God to go deeper." I think the other day maybe it had nothing to do with that jacket; maybe it was a test from God to see if I was willing to go a little deeper with Him. Praise His graciousness - in that moment, I chose Him. And it's bittersweet - there's a small, self-loving part of me that still wants that stinkin' jacket. But I want Him more. And my heart rings with the fact that my actions (for that one brief moment in time) matched my heart's cry: to choose Him above all else.

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

It's amazing how quickly I can go from a loving, gracious mommy to a short-tempered, legalistic dictator. Ugh. It's kind of depressing, actually.

I got a phone call from a rather antagonistic person yesterday that, frankly, left me flustered and angry. Hours later, it was obviously still brewing in my soul, and I found myself being very ungracious with E, even causing her to cry at one point of particular impatience.

Fast forward to tonight when I peeked into her room, 45 minutes past her bedtime, because she was still awake and talking. When I creeped up close to her bedside to see what was going on, she opened her eyes, looked at me sideways out of the corner of them, and started giggling. We laughed hysterically for the next five minutes.

Reflecting on my bipolar interactions with her over the past 24 hours reminds me of something Louie Giglio said last week, something that keeps coming back up for me. He gave the illustration of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition and the fact that after the crowd yells, "Move That Bus!!," the first thing that camera focuses on is not the house - the thing that the whole show has been apparently building up to - but the family's faces. Even though you're not able to see the actual house at first, you get excited because you see the house on the faces of the family members who are beholding it. Their thrill at the joy of this new house increases your desire to view it, tour it, analyze it, feel it.

When I am bothered by and focused on a cruddy conversation with a mean person, I reflect that in my face to E. She responds with tears, and rightfully so - what I am reflecting to her is anxiety and anger. When I tiptoed into her room tonight and was surprised by the joy and innocence of the precious gift God has given to me, I reflected that in my face back to E, and we laughed until we cried. What a reminder to me of how much my face affects those around me.

Jesus, when You said that we are to be a light to those around us, I think I'm realizing that what you meant is that we are to reflect the Light from its original source: You. When I spend time in the world, I begin to reflect the things of this world to those around me, things that are broken and shallow and hurtful. Draw me into You and lift my head up to Your Face, that I may see Your goodness and dwell in Your House. Restore my soul that I may shine Your Light to those around me. May my face reflect Your Glory, Lord, that those who see my face may be drawn toward the One who has set my feet to dancing and set my heart on fire!

The Most Surprising Speaker

Though they are undoubtably spiritual giants of the faith, it is (just being honest, here) difficult to listen to the Billy Grahams, the R.C. Sprouls, the James Dobsons of this world sometimes. Their rhetoric, their vocabulary, and their rich history of faith sometimes creates as much of a moat as it does a bridge.

Each year, Catalyst gives out a Lifetime Achievement Award, and this year that award went to Chuck Swindoll. I was excited to link arms with this man of faith from an entirely different generation, but also not as excited as I was to hear from someone like Andy Stanley or Rob Bell.

But I was surprised by the depth of this man. Humble, articulate, funny, perceptive, personal, real, and - most shocking - very current. I'll bet he even knows how to Twitter. :)

One of the first things he said has surfaced to the top of all that I've learned from the past two days: "When God wants to do an impossible task, he takes an impossible person and crushes him." (Alan Redpath) What Chuck Swindoll went on to say to leaders, to parents, to ministers, to laypersons, to the successful, and to the famed is this: "I am so proud of you and all you are accomplishing and all you are doing. It is wonderful for you to be experiencing this kind of success, and this obvious blessing by God in your life. I just want to stand here before you today and remind you to leave room in you life for the crushing, for that is where God will do His best work in your heart."

And when thinking tonight about God's purposes for trials in my life, I was led to this:

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)

It's so awesome when God allows seasons of joy and blessing in our life, where we are able to sit under His wings and be reminded of our Jehovah Jireh. But on the flip side of the coin is a God that allows heartache, distress, floods, abandonment, hurt, death, destruction, and grief all for the purpose of cultivating in us a heart more like that of our Savior Jesus Christ - a heart that is focused on His Co-mission: Loving God and Loving others the way He teaches us to during those trials.

Fasten Your Seatbelts

I feel like I've been drinking from a fire hydrant for the past two days, and my brain is utterly wasted.

I realized I was not alone in this sentiment at exactly 2pm this afternoon when Louie Giglio said, and I quote, "Everything in life...EVERYTHING...is about Jesus Christ." And what should have made 13,000 Christian leaders jump to their feet screaming "Hallelujah" got a delayed round of applause from about 25 coffee-drinkers (the only ones with enough caffeine in them to still be able to focus).

I've got a lot of processing and unpacking to do over the next several days, but I just can't possibly start tonight. I can only say that I am so thankful to have sat at the feet of some of the sages of our day, gleaning from the Truths they are able and willing to articulate so beautifully.

For tonight, go to www.kiva.org/about and check out this awesome ministry to the poor - both here and abroad, founded by Jessica Jackley. You can assist someone in poverty with a loan as little as $25, with the promise that it will be paid back to you within 6 months. However, that tiny loan will allow a small entrepreneur to expand a respectable, self-sustaining business that will support his or her family in ways much larger than your dollar. A very cool concept that I now know is called "microfinance."

Catalyst 2009

L and I are in Atlanta for Catalyst 2009. My head and heart are swimming with the refreshing, reenergizing, motivating, humbling, incredible Truth being proclaimed about what God has to say in regards to being a part of His plan here on planet Earth.

Tonight was an awesome time of being reminded by Aaron Keys and Francis Chan Who Jesus is and what He has done for me. The takeaway from tonight has definitely been the reminder that the Enemy will do whatever he can to make Jesus unappealing to those who are looking in on my life wondering why I subscribe to the whole "Christianity" thing. Satan is in the business of filling my mind and my life with enough stress and anxiety and stuff to cover up the joy and grace I should be constantly feeling in the embrace of Jesus Christ (1 Peter 5:8). Instead, Jesus is calling me to come boldly, yet humbly, before His Throne, giving Him everything that loads me up and weighs me down, trusting Him - in the right time - to give me ALL grace, to restore me, to confirm me, to strengthen me, and to establish me (1 Peter 5:6-7,10-11).

What an incredible promise to rest in tonight!!