Relationships are more important than being right.

This is one of those things that I wrestle with God about every once in a while. I don’t mean for that to sound trite – He is a Holy God, and I believe we owe Him instant submission to His perfect will in every situation. I believe that…but I do not always give Him that (and I am so thankful for His unending grace for me).

So I absolutely admit that my “wrestling” is also disobedience (and while I’m at it, I might as well admit that it happens more than “every once in a while”). God gave me a brain that seeks security in logic, in the letter of the law, in what I see as just and right. And just like all good gifts from Father, Satan is quick to twist what is meant for God’s glory into a temptation to believe that I actually know better than my omniscient God. When the Spirit calls me to let go of being right in and instead walk in obedience to Him, I have this moment where I feel like a 3-year-old in my heart. But…God! What that person did was wrong! My thoughts are higher than your thoughts, and my ways are higher than your ways. But…God! I have forgiven them before, only to be betrayed again! Are you saying that I should just forgive and trust them again without any repercussions? Forgive others, so that your Father in Heaven may forgive you. Seventy times seven, J. But…God! What if it happens again? Place your hope in me. I am always faithful. I am always true. But…God! It did not honor you, and they should be punished for that. I am the only just King, Who sits on the Throne. I have chosen to forgive you over and over again, J. Who are you to decide who deserves the shed blood of my one and only Son?

And you get the picture. I am a finite human being with a very limited understanding of justice that is only further skewed by the ugly sin that entangles me. No way could I ever be more “right” than God. And he’s doing some pretty tough chiseling on my square brain when it comes to relationships: believing in others, trusting others, living in unity with those around me, even when it hurts a little. But that is the model that Jesus set for us here on earth: growing in favor with God and with man. Living peaceably with others. Forgiving sins that were in direct conflict with scriptural law. I feel like such a Pharisee when I realize how much of His life He devoted to relationships with others, and compare that to how much I live my life making sure that I’m abiding by the law.

“One who has been touched by grace will no longer look on those who stray as "those evil people" or "those poor people who need our help." Nor must we search for signs of "loveworthiness." Grace teaches us that God loves because of who God is, not because of who we are.” (What's So Amazing About Grace? by Philip Yancey)

B.H.A.G.

Chick-fil-A has a love affair with the B.H.A.G.

B.H.A.G. = Big. Hairy. Audacious. Goal.

At the Chick-fil-A Seminar in Washington, D.C. this past weekend, I got a new perspective on what a BHAG really is. Danny Cahill, the "biggest" Biggest Loser the reality TV show has ever seen, was a guest on Tuesday at Seminar. He lost 239 lbs on the show - from 430 to 191 lbs over the course of the season.

Crazy Awesome.

What struck me the most was his very candid interview on stage. He admitted that he had lost 50-60 lbs multiple times over the course of his life, but because he couldn't see a difference in the mirror, he would give up and end up gaining it back. He said that if you took all the times that he lost those 50-60 lbs and added them up, it was way more weight than what he lost on the show. His "take-home point" was that he spent more energy and time quitting during all those years of being overweight than it took him to "win" on the show.

Seeing him there, it was obvious that he had had a radical perspective change. He had accomplished a Big Hairy Audacious Goal. My husband turned and looked at me as we were walking out the door after the break, "HE eliminates any excuse I could ever have for anything ever again." And it's true. He's inspiring. He's living out Scripture and bearing the standard for those of us whom God has called and equipped for the task before us.

I love how The Message puts it..."let's not allow ourselves...." So many times I "allow myself" to quit. I present excuses and accept them. I talk myself out of doing good - right there in my head, all to myself. JMom has a quote on her blog that I think of often: "The way we spend our days is, of course, the way we spend our lives" (Annie Dillard). Am I going to spend my days (and my life) giving up on the things that God has called me to do? Am I going to spend my days (and my life) thinking up excuses for not completing the task God has for me?

So let's not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don't give up, or quit.
Galatians 6:9 (The Message)

Closer Than You Think

Less than 24 hours after L got back from Egypt, we were in the car and on the way to spend Thanksgiving at my parents’ new cabin. E was fast asleep in the backseat, and we were cruising along when we came upon an accident that had probably happened only mere minutes prior to our arrival. A really bad one. There were cars spread to the sides of the road and plenty of people on the scene, and it didn’t appear that they needed any help. We were at a crossroads and able to easily do a U-turn and find another route. But something kept us glued there. We said nothing. I prayed and prayed as I watched a team of five young guys pull another young man through the drivers side window of a decimated Rodeo. And still we sat there.

I’m not sure how long it took us to actually turn the car around. When we did, though, I noticed a sign in front of the church on top of the hill right where the accident occured: “ETERNITY IS CLOSER THAN YOU THINK.” Now, as a rule, I really am not a fan of church signs. In most cases, I think they repel more people than they attract. But I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to shake the poignancy of that sign, the realness of the whole scene, the unknown futures of those sitting at the bottom of that hill.

Few things could have left L and I silent after a week and a half of no communication, but that was one of them. We drove in total silence for over fifteen minutes. When he finally did speak, it was in remembrance of “Shannon,” a story for another day that has left a mark in our history.

Without foreshadowing doom, Eternity really is closer than we think. And there is only One answer to what is waiting for us after this life here on Earth, and that is the Judgment of the One True and Holy God. And the everlasting grace and mercy that is ours if we only believe in the life sacrifice of His One and Only Son, Jesus Christ, who was fully God and then submitted to the Father to come to Earth as fully human in the form of a baby, growing up perfectly obedient to His Father’s Will, and through that obedience dying on the cross for our sins, and then three days later being raised from the dead by the awesome power of our God, so that anyone who believes in Him shall be judged righteous on the day “Eternity” begins for us.

“For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him, will not perish but have everlasting life.” -John 3:16

Exactly

“God is not a belief to which you give your assent. God becomes a reality whom you know intimately, meet everyday, one whose strength becomes your strength, whose love, your love. Live this life of the presence of God long enough and when someone asks you, “Do you believe there is a God?” you may find yourself answering, “No, I do not believe there is a God. I know there is a God.”

~Ernest Boyer, Jr.

The Most Surprising Speaker

Though they are undoubtably spiritual giants of the faith, it is (just being honest, here) difficult to listen to the Billy Grahams, the R.C. Sprouls, the James Dobsons of this world sometimes. Their rhetoric, their vocabulary, and their rich history of faith sometimes creates as much of a moat as it does a bridge.

Each year, Catalyst gives out a Lifetime Achievement Award, and this year that award went to Chuck Swindoll. I was excited to link arms with this man of faith from an entirely different generation, but also not as excited as I was to hear from someone like Andy Stanley or Rob Bell.

But I was surprised by the depth of this man. Humble, articulate, funny, perceptive, personal, real, and - most shocking - very current. I'll bet he even knows how to Twitter. :)

One of the first things he said has surfaced to the top of all that I've learned from the past two days: "When God wants to do an impossible task, he takes an impossible person and crushes him." (Alan Redpath) What Chuck Swindoll went on to say to leaders, to parents, to ministers, to laypersons, to the successful, and to the famed is this: "I am so proud of you and all you are accomplishing and all you are doing. It is wonderful for you to be experiencing this kind of success, and this obvious blessing by God in your life. I just want to stand here before you today and remind you to leave room in you life for the crushing, for that is where God will do His best work in your heart."

And when thinking tonight about God's purposes for trials in my life, I was led to this:

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)

It's so awesome when God allows seasons of joy and blessing in our life, where we are able to sit under His wings and be reminded of our Jehovah Jireh. But on the flip side of the coin is a God that allows heartache, distress, floods, abandonment, hurt, death, destruction, and grief all for the purpose of cultivating in us a heart more like that of our Savior Jesus Christ - a heart that is focused on His Co-mission: Loving God and Loving others the way He teaches us to during those trials.

Where You Go I Will Go

My cousin, K, married her best friend today. It was probably one of the sweetest, most natural movements into holy matrimony I've ever witnessed. My dad performed the wedding, and honestly wowed us all with the way he allowed the Lord to speak through him and bless the couple coming before God's Throne. One of the best memories of this day will always be the perfect weather that we had in spite of the forecasts for a full day of rain.

I was especially touched by the closing vows my dad recited with the bride and groom, first uttered by a desperate Ruth who was cleaving tightly to her mother-in-law after the recent death of her young husband:

"For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there will I be buried. May the Lord do so to me and more also if anything but death parts me from you." (Ruth 1:16-17)

A Busy Day

I've had a rather busy day, wearing lots of hats, sometimes more than one at once. Typically, this kind of pace feeds my inner "Lion," and I become a very productive, if maybe a bit antisocial, wife/mom/worker.

In His perfect timing, God laid a book in my hands this morning, a very unexpected gift from a coworker and friend. As I drove down the road, I opened it up to the Foreword to peek at it (oh...the irony of this scene), and this is what I read:

"Forcing ourselves to deny the exacting toll such a hurry-up lifestyle takes on us, we are reluctant to face the hard fact that being busy is not a satisfactory substitute for being holy. On the contrary, racing through one week after another at breakneck speed leads to tragic consequences - shallow roots and superficial fruit. Worst of all, God gets only the leftovers because we formed the bad habit of operating on spiritual 'empty'." ~Chuck Swindoll, Foreword to Ken Gire's "Intimate Moments with the Savior"

Hello, conviction.

Right after that, I had the thought, "Ok, J, now that you have had this awesome revelation, what are you going to do about it?"

Hello, conviction #2.

Because right after having the former thought, I heard a another (wiser) voice saying, "Yeah, J, what are you going to do about it, huh? Look around...aren't you right where you are because of your doing? How about letting Me do it for a little while? Remember when I said, 'take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, J'? You know I said that only because I love you and because I know what's best for you..."

Quarantined

Although I deal with allergies almost year-round, true sickness visits me very rarely. I'm very blessed with my health, but like most people, take it way too much for granted.

Well, I've been in the bed, literally sleeping, for the past 19 hours. My husband, who is gearing up for a triathlon this weekend, slept on the couch last night, hoping and praying that the sickness will pass him over this time.

It's definitely been a great reminder to me of some things that I am thankful for that I don't always attribute to God's mighty hand.

"In ordinary life we hardly realize that we receive a great deal more than we give, and that it is only with gratitude that life becomes rich." ~Dietrich Bonhoeffer

W.O.R.K.E.R.

I'm not really a fan of acrostics as a general rule. Most of the time it leaves me wondering if the speaker spent more time in a thesaurus than he or she did researching the topic at hand. If I'm really honest, my secret idiosyncrasy is to see if I can read ahead and fill in all the blanks before the speaker actually names them, which is understandably a little distracting for me (and quite OCD).

This past Sunday, however, God used the pastor's description of the Willing, Opportunistic, Respectful, Kind, Energetic, Refuge-taking spirit of Ruth in the book of Ruth, Chapter 2, to totally expose the position of my heart toward working. Not necessarily my work, but my husband's work. Put this way: I am a very, very selfish person when it comes to my husband's time. And as I listened to what kind of a "working" spirit honors God, I was convicted that there have been many times when I have stifled this God-honoring spirit in my husband toward his work. There have been many times when his willingness to go the second mile at work has been rewarded only with my frustration and tears that he neglected important duties at home.

I know there is a balance, but the problem up to this point is that I have been the one in control of deciding what the tipping point is. On Sunday, I felt that familiar tug of God saying, "Ok, J, are you ready to allow Me to have control in this area? Are you ready to trust that I know what is best for everybody, and can lead your husband to make the best decision as well, without you pressuring him one way or the other?" To which I replied, "But God, you just don't realize how complicated it is!!" To which he replied, of course, "LOL."

I've got a lot of baggage in this area, so it's not coming easily. I wish I could say that I just handed it all over to God and walked away from it that day, but He knew it would be a tougher journey than that for me. Test #1 came today when my husband asked how I felt about him working on Saturday. Test #2 came tonight when he walked through the door a full 2 1/2 hours later than he projected.

As I sit here tonight and reflect on these lessons, I am reminded of the chorus of a song that I used to sing pretty frequently with our little worship band during college. It's a great reminder to me of the very simple thing God is asking of me during this time: to wait on Him, on His grace, on His hand of blessing, on His love that ever so gently continues to turn my heart toward Him.

"Yes, Lord, walking in the way of Your laws, we wait for You; Your Name and Renown are the desire of our hearts." ~Isaiah 26:8

Godly Politics

My husband likes to listen to NPR (yes, it's okay to laugh if you know my husband). I tune in with him from time to time, but the beat is so incredibly liberal, it's sometimes hard for my brain to sift through to the facts without absentmindedly integrating their worldviews as well. One thing I regret a little, though, is that fact that I am not more politically informed. On one hand, my ignorance fosters a (false) higher sense of security in this world; on the other, my ignorance paralyzes my ability to take action on moral and spiritual freedoms that are challenged by leaders of this world.

I ran across this quote from C.S. Lewis the other day and have been chewing on it for a while. Reading through some passages from the Old & New Testament about priesthood this morning reminded me of it.

"A great deal of democratic enthusiasm descends from the ideas of people like Rousseau, who believed in democracy because they thought mankind so wise and good that everyone deserved a share in the government. The danger of defending democracy on those grounds is that they’re not true. . . I find that they’re not true without looking further than myself. I don’t deserve a share in governing a hen-roost, much less a nation. . . . The real reason for democracy is . . . Mankind is so fallen that no man can be trusted with unchecked power over his fellows. Aristotle said that some people were only fit to be slaves. I do not contradict him. But I reject slavery because I see no men fit to be masters." (Equality)

One thing is for sure: God's kingdom is not founded upon the principles of democracy. There is One Ruler, and He governs with love, grace and justice. As believers, we don't have the option to rally a minority group to challenge the unfairness of his decisions. We simply have to trust that He knows what is best and has a greater plan than we can ever imagine.

As Christians, our Great Hope is not in our leaders, in our country, in this world. In John, Jesus promises his disciples (after he acknowledges the fact that they finally get Who He is), that they are going to be scattered and face lots of troubles. The take-home message that He gives to them is not to do the best they can to make the world a better place, but to trust him completely and find peace in Him in the midst of the world's troubles.

Lord, remind me each morning to start by putting my hope in You and You alone. Remove any fear or anger that I have toward the things in this world that are outside of my control. May others come to know You by my love, a love that You first modeled for us. Thank for for your promise of eternal security; help me to rest in Your strength and safety!

Real Life Distractions

One of the books I am mulling over right now is C.S. Lewis' Screwtape Letters. I recommended it to my friend C one day while we were talking about the reality of spiritual warfare. After she purchased it and started getting excited about it, I decided to refresh my memory on it so that we could discuss some of the major points.

As I opened it up this morning, I was burdened for one person in particular who I am convinced is just straight-up deceived by his own demon. My heart broke for him as I read the following passage, where Uncle Screwtape (a demon) is recalling a victory:

"I once had a patient, a sound atheist, who used to read in the British Museum. One day, as he sat reading, I saw a train of thought in his mind beginning to go the wrong way. I struck instantly at the part of the man which I had best under my control and suggested that it was just about time he had some lunch, [this was] much too important to tackle at the end of a morning, [it was] much better to come back after lunch and go into it with a fresh mind. Once he was in the street the battle was won. I showed him the newsboy shouting the midday paper, and a No. 73 bus going past, and before he reached the bottom of the steps, I had got him into an unalterable conviction that...a healthy dose of 'real life' was enough to show him that 'all that sort of thing' just couldn't be true. Thanks to the processes we set at work in them centuries ago, they find it all but impossible to believe in the unfamiliar while the familiar is before their eyes."

The father of this world, though he is very very good at crafting lies and manipulating the truth, is more than just deceptive on a deep, scientific level. In fact, because he knows he will never ultimately win in a battle of scientific rationale, I think he would much prefer to simply keep us distracted. Distracted by makeup, sports, kids, ice cream, birthdays, to-do lists, you name it...he doesn't care as long as it keeps us from resting at the feet of the Father of Creation and hearing that still, small voice that leads us in Truth and speaks Peace into our hearts. Real life comes only through Jesus Christ, friend! Oh, that you would taste and see that the Lord is good!!

Culture Clash

I am stuck.

Across the street live these incredibly sweet children. As soon as my hubby or I drive into our driveway, they run as fast as their legs will carry them to greet us, bubbling over with smiles and excitement that we have come home. It's precious. I admit I'm tempted to secretly videotape it and play it back for my own kids one day when I don't get the same greeting from them. :)

On the other hand, I am incredibly frustrated. These same sweet children have learned, in sum, about 15 English words, and even less of the American culture. I have spent the past week trying my best to keep composure while reminding them (over and over again) that 1) they are only allowed to come over when we are home, 2) they cannot simply open my front door, but must knock first, 3) they must ask before playing with E's toys, 4) they cannot drag our lab around the yard by his collar or feed him his food from their hands...you get the picture. They are at my house, in my space, which means they should play by my rules, right? Problem is, I simply can't figure out how often they are disobeying me and how often they simply don't understand my directives.

The bigger problem is that I am not doing a good job being Jesus to this family. The culture clash between this family across the street and our White-colored, Christian-minded, American-raised, Middle-class, Southern-traditioned family is about as opposite as it can possibly be.

Below all these surface-level differences, though, is a sin issue. I love my house, E's toys, my dog, my space, my evening time.......myself(!), more than I am loving them. In Matthew, Jesus tells the Pharisees that loving God with your whole heart, soul and mind and loving your neighbor as yourself are the two most important commandments. Through the prophet Hosea, God tells Israel that he "desires steadfast love and not (ritualistic) sacrifices." In the grand scheme of things, the God I serve would receive more glory and honor by my intentional love for these "uncultured" kids than he would by my dinnertime prayer. John Piper is much more brazen, but hits the heart issue directly:

"Woe to us if we get our satisfaction from the food in the kitchen and the TV in the den and the sex in the bedroom with an occasional tribute to the cement blocks in the basement! God wills to be displayed and known and loved and cherished and worshiped."