The Heart Issue

E is SOOOO "2." Bossiness, saying "No" all the time to everything, wanting to do it all herself, craving control and independence and an opportunity to claim her stake in this world.

As she becomes more and more self-aware and able to reflect a little bit on the reasons for her behavior, discipline is definitely changing in our home.

I'm really appreciating what Dr. Tedd Tripp offers young parents who are struggling with how to raise a child biblically in his book, Shepherding a Child's Heart, and in the corresponding Parent's Handbook. He pours Scripture into the pages, and helps me remember that this parenting job isn't just about controlling a wild-eyed, havoc-wreaking little monster. Instead, he brings me back to focusing on helping her work through her sin-ravaged little heart to be able to come to a place where God can speak grace and light into her spirit and soul, and she will recognize Him as the willing, powerful, Savior of her sin. I get SO caught up in the very thing that Jesus talks about in Matthew 23:25-28 - and find myself being such a hypocrite sometimes as I tend to cherish the cleanliness of the outside of her cup without taking note of the the inside of her heart.

This is definitely a tough one for me, and something I have to take to Jesus every day.

Family Times

E is - *sniff* - getting a little bit older every day. Though I LOVE to see the growth in her, it's almost like drinking water from a fire hydrant right now...she is changing so rapidly it's hard to keep up. Whereas three months ago she had barely broken English (and lots of Chinese), she is now starting to speak in completely intelligible sentences. Three months ago she was slurping apple sauce from her fingers at the dinner table; tonight she refused to eat without a fork. We've gone from choking on apples (no matter how small) to eating chopped pieces without peeling to eating slices with the peeling to eating straight off the tree and now back to demanding pieces without peeling because she's decided she "prefers" it that way. She potties in the toilet on command (leaving this mama with no choice other than to suck it up and delve into the world of potty training before I miss my glorious window of opportunity).

All this surge of understanding has prompted me to once again raise the bar for how intentional we are being about sharing Jesus with E. Though she's probably not quite yet ready to grasp the full understanding of some of the things we'll talk about, I think we're ready to start having some dedicated "Family Time" to learn about some of the lessons the Bible has to teach us. Dr. Tripp calls it "Formative Instruction." I certainly am not suggesting that we are going to teach E that we only talk about Jesus at certain, structured times - that's not the goal at all. I'm just, as a first-time mom, trying to figure out what it all looks like for our family to get to know Jesus, with the help of some wisdom from other parents and spiritual leaders who have gone before me.

This month, we are starting with a tool called "Family Times," published by the reThink Group. There are certainly some things in it that are way beyond E's scope for understanding right now - but one thing for certain is that I don't ever want to underestimate how much she is capable of grasping about God. There are certain things included in the set - like note cards that you can write a little note on to send in your child's lunch or leave on their breakfast plate when you leave for work - that I wish I'd started last year even. It's never to early to let your child know how and why you think she is special.

One thing I hope never to forget, though, is that the command that God gives in Deuteronomy 6:6 is the precursor for the one He gives in 6:7. First is the need for me to hold his commands in my heart. If it's not my faith, then I can't give it or show it or live it for my children. They are certainly not going to want anything that I claim to believe in but don't choose to follow in my deeds. If the faith that I have isn't living and breathing before them, all the books and tools and curriculums I do to help them get to know Jesus and be a good person is only going to leave them spiritually dead.

Lord, thank you for the amazing grace you have given to me! Thank you for dying on the cross and saving me from the death that I deserved. Give me Your strength to live out each day by walking in Your love, under the watershed of Your grace. May the things that I strive to teach E about you only be bolstered by the life of faith that I live out before her, and in the places where I fail to meet up to Your holy standard, please help me to humble myself before her as Your grace shines through to meet her wholly and perfectly when I cannot.

Men Are From Mars

Yesterday was a tough day in our house. Through a long set of circumstances in which the details are irrelevant, I went to bed with the feeling that I was my husband's "second choice" that day - a feeling that topped off an otherwise already terrible day. During a long car ride together today, I opened up and tried to walk him through some choices that he made that I interpreted to mean that he was tired of hanging out with me and instead needed some "guy time" to kind of fill up.

I felt pretty dumb as I unpacked all of my insecurities in front of him. Though he probably knows me better than I even know myself, it still isn't all that fun to be gut-wrenchingly honest about my human insecurities. Worse still was the fact that all my assumptions were completely wrong. Once we started talking through it all, I soon found out that the choices that he made had nothing to do with how he felt about me and everything to do with the fact that he simply saw an opportunity to be a friend to one of his guys.

Oh, how different we women are from our men. And though it causes so much heartache sometimes, I always come back to something I read in a book by Gary Thomas (Sacred Marriage) a few years ago - something that sparked a revolution in the early years of our marriage. His question, in fact the entire premise of the book is this: "What if God intended marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?" Or, in other words, what if marriage was more about finding our pleasure in God than finding our pleasure in each other or ourselves?

And what if, by some miracle, I were actually able to take a step back during the middle of marital conflict and see that - from God's holy and righteous perspective - all this conflict is actually for my good? That I am suffering for the sake of God's ultimate purpose of cultivating love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control in my heart?

The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will receive a harvest if we do not give up. (Galatians 6:8-9, NIV)

Aesop

An old Aesop's fable that has been cropping up lately for me is the one about the Wind and the Sun. It reads:

The Wind and the Sun were disputing which was the stronger. Suddenly they saw a traveller coming down the road, and the Sun said: "I see a way to decide our dispute. Whichever of us can cause that traveller to take off his cloak shall be regarded as the stronger. You begin." So the Sun retired behind a cloud, and the Wind began to blow as hard as it could upon the traveller. But the harder he blew the more closely did the traveller wrap his cloak round him, till at last the Wind had to give up in despair. Then the Sun came out and shone in all his glory upon the traveller, who soon found it too hot to walk with his cloak on.

I was telling my husband tonight of an epiphany I was having, confident that it was going to be a grand realization for him as well, proud of what a word from God I had just heard. Haha.

He was really sweet - let me go on and on about all the great things I was thinking. After I was finished, he gently said, "Yeah, I've been thinking that same thing for a while now. Just waiting for you to realize it too."

My sweet husband. He is definitely my "sun." I can't ever remember a time when he has forced his will on me or required me to change in a way that would surely be better for everybody involved. Instead, he submits his desires straight to the Lord, and trusts Him to work His will in my life on His time. And does that joyfully. And loves me deeply. He's definitely a keeper. :)

Wine, Wool and the Honeycomb

I've been reading like crazy lately. Maybe it's due in part to the fact that I've realized there's a big gap between what I think I know and what I actually know; and reading what other people have discovered about God and about life helps bridge that gap a little. Maybe it's also due to the fact that my husband studies from the time we get E in bed until the time I put myself to bed, so otherwise I'm bored (and watching movies alone gets old fast).

We got a free book at Catalyst last week, Scouting the Divine, by Margaret Feinberg. In it, she illuminates the scripture references to shepherding, winemaking, farming and beekeeping by retelling her experiences of interviewing people who actually spend their lives loving and doing those things.

My favorite so far is her account of spending the weekend with a shepherdess, Lynne - who, interestingly enough did not claim to be a believer. She was open to discuss the parallels between scripture's account of Jesus Christ as the Shepherd of mankind and the actual job of leading real live sheep, but not intentionally from a Christian perspective. This was intriguing to me.

Below is an excerpt from the book, a passage that really marked me, as the author beckoned me to consider some of the things God was trying to communicate to us through using the title, the "Good Shepherd."

"The sun dipped below the fiery horizon, leaving a faint glow of rose and tangerine in the sky. Lynne and I sat in the field with the sheep. At one point, the smallest lamb, Swan, who had watched us all day, dared to break from her mother and head towards Lynne. The shepherd extended her palm, wiggled her fingers, and spoke the lamb's name. Swan hesitated and then came forward to experience the gentle touch of her shepherd for the first time.

Lynne withdrew her hand. Swan stepped forward, wanting more. With a swift one-armed move, Lynne grabbed the lamb and held her. Swan melted into her shepherd's arms.

'Once they respond to my beckoning I have them forever,' she said as Swan rested her tiny head in the palm of Lynne's hand.

Lynne sounded a lot like Someone I'd been reading about."

Edward Cullen, Michael O'Brien, and My Husband

On the (great) advice of a trusted friend, I delved into the Twilight novels a few weeks ago. I am not a fan of fantasy/Sci-Fi, and consider most memories of high school to be nightmarish at best, so it was quite a leap for me just to read the first sentence. But I have to admit, I enjoyed the storyline and came away with many great thoughts for discussion, and I have prompted quite a few others (including my husband) to begin reading them.

Last night, as I was reading through Stephenie Meyer's (Twilight author) website, I came across some pretty heavy critics of her work. There are those, apparently, who have found that the book has inspired in them a new standard for romance, love, and how a man should treat a woman; even to the point where wives have filed for divorce and women have left long-standing relationships in search of what they truly "deserve." And as I was reading it, my heart began to break.

Tonight, my husband and I (on our weekly date night!) enjoyed a concert by the talented pianist/singer Michael O'Brien. Afterward, my husband and I were sipping coffee, and he mentioned something about wondering if I ever wished he were more like Michael O'Brien, able to play and sing beautiful songs about love. I laughed out loud and told him that I wanted just him - just the way he was, especially when he does a good job loving me, and even when he does a bad job. And it got me thinking once again about the Twilight books and the worldly standard for love.

And you know what? I am so thankful for a husband who "gets it." Hear me out, ladies - I love my man...but he is not always perfect. However, no matter what, I know that he strives to love me like Christ loved the church, not like Edward loved Bella, not like the love songs Michael O'Brien sings to his wife, not like my dad loves my mom, not like his buddies love their wives. My man is focused on the one example that will never ever lead him astray. Because of that, I am secure. I can know that even when he doesn't quite make it to second base, I realize he was aiming for the spotlights all along. When he attempts to be Bob-the-Builder and instead has to run out last minute for a bottle of Draino, it was all done with an amazing heart of service. When he leaves me a sappy sweet note on the bathroom mirror with all sorts of typos and missing words, it was written with a heart of 100% gold. When it's all done with the goal of being like Christ, how could I ever want anything more?!?

Ephesians 5:25-28 (The Message)

Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They're really doing themselves a favor—since they're already "one" in marriage.

Shepherding

For the past two days, I have been privileged to sit under the teaching and grace of two giants of the faith, Dr. Tedd and Mrs. Margy Tripp, authors of Shepherding a Child's Heart and Instructing a Child's Heart. The powerful message that they brought about raising a child with a Godward heart, who loves and fears and knows the Lord, was solidly supported by the fact that these two individuals quite obviously loved and feared and knew the Lord and his Word themselves.

Any parent desiring to have a child who understands that this life is all about the gospel of Jesus Christ that God ordained for his beloved ones should definitely take a look at these books. Straight from the words of their mouths, "these books were formed and eventually written after we struggled as parents to give the gift of a relationship with God - through knowing His perfect Law - to our children without bending to the hypocrisy of legalism." If you can unpack all that...you'll say "Wow" - trust me.

Stayed tuned, too...Mrs. Margy is currently working on a book entitled, "What If It's Too Late?" directed toward parents who have teenage or grown children who are rebelling against the Lord or who simply just do not see the value in living to please our Holy God. If it's anything like I'm suspecting, it's going to be an awesome resource that, in the end, reminds a parent that it's never too late to turn toward your child with a humble and forgiving spirit, living out for your child both the Perfect Law and Perfect Grace offered in a relationship with Christ Jesus.

Blogger World

I'm enjoying this new blogging phase of life. It's given me accountability to do something I've always wanted to do but never made time for, which is documenting the really great stuff in life.

It all started with my friend G recommending that if I only read one blog ever, I needed to read this one. So one morning, I made a cup of coffee, got E's video started, opened up my laptop to do a bit of Facebook browsing, and decided to check out what "JMom" had written for the day.........and two videos, three cups of coffee, a box of Kleenex, and an hour later, E peeled me away from the computer screen, back into our world and to the life that was happening right before my eyes.

It took me about eight months to gather up the nerve to venture out onto my own blog. I'm a perfectionist, Type A personality to the core, so I stood frozen on the cliff for a long time, trying to think about the perfect way to jump. It's a little nerve-racking knowing that somebody else is going to be reading your mind, literally. Especially when I'm quite comfortable with the fact that, up to this point, I've been described as someone who's pretty hard to read, even by my husband at times. It's a sobering place to be, for sure.

For all of you out there who are getting to know me and our little family by way of the world wide web, welcome. My theology may be a little "off" at times, but only because I have the handicap of peering at a great, big, infinite God through a teeny, tiny, finite pair of human eyes - not because I am intending to fit him inside my own little box. I hope you enjoy the glimpses into our lives, but even more, I hope you are encouraged to get to know this God that offers us the joy and the hope that gives our lives meaning.

Faith and Being Faithful

I had a sudden realization today that, in my life, I define faith and being faithful two very different ways, and then it occurred to me how very strange and ironic that fact was. See, I have this tendency, when I say "I have faith in God" to actually mean, "I trust that God is in control." Yet, when I say that "I have been faithful," it always seems to mean that I have done something that honors God (I have been faithful with my tithe, I have been faithful to the ministry that He has called me to, etc., etc.).

Why do I go around with this feeling that being faithful is anything other than being "filled with faith" that what God has began in me, He will carry on to completion until the day of Christ? Because...the Enemy doesn't want me to remember that God has total control and yet is totally for me, even when I can't see it. The Enemy would also love nothing more than for faithfulness to be all about ME. When things go "wrong," the Enemy wants me to look straight at God and say, "Why? How can you do this to me, God, when I've been so faithful?!?"

Hebrews 11, The Message (It's long, but don't miss the last paragraph!!)

Faith in What We Don't See

^1-2The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It's our handle on what we can't see. The act of faith is what distinguished our ancestors, set them above the crowd.

³By faith, we see the world called into existence by God's word, what we see created by what we don't see.

⁴By an act of faith, Abel brought a better sacrifice to God than Cain. It was what he believed, not what he brought, that made the difference. That's what God noticed and approved as righteous. After all these centuries, that belief continues to catch our notice.

^5-6By an act of faith, Enoch skipped death completely. "They looked all over and couldn't find him because God had taken him." We know on the basis of reliable testimony that before he was taken "he pleased God." It's impossible to please God apart from faith. And why? Because anyone who wants to approach God must believe both that he exists and that he cares enough to respond to those who seek him.

⁷By faith, Noah built a ship in the middle of dry land. He was warned about something he couldn't see, and acted on what he was told. The result? His family was saved. His act of faith drew a sharp line between the evil of the unbelieving world and the rightness of the believing world. As a result, Noah became intimate with God.

^8-10By an act of faith, Abraham said yes to God's call to travel to an unknown place that would become his home. When he left he had no idea where he was going. By an act of faith he lived in the country promised him, lived as a stranger camping in tents. Isaac and Jacob did the same, living under the same promise. Abraham did it by keeping his eye on an unseen city with real, eternal foundations—the City designed and built by God.

^11-12By faith, barren Sarah was able to become pregnant, old woman as she was at the time, because she believed the One who made a promise would do what he said. That's how it happened that from one man's dead and shriveled loins there are now people numbering into the millions.

^13-16Each one of these people of faith died not yet having in hand what was promised, but still believing. How did they do it? They saw it way off in the distance, waved their greeting, and accepted the fact that they were transients in this world. People who live this way make it plain that they are looking for their true home. If they were homesick for the old country, they could have gone back any time they wanted. But they were after a far better country than that—heaven country. You can see why God is so proud of them, and has a City waiting for them.

Lord, please help me to be FULL OF FAITH!!

Godly Politics

My husband likes to listen to NPR (yes, it's okay to laugh if you know my husband). I tune in with him from time to time, but the beat is so incredibly liberal, it's sometimes hard for my brain to sift through to the facts without absentmindedly integrating their worldviews as well. One thing I regret a little, though, is that fact that I am not more politically informed. On one hand, my ignorance fosters a (false) higher sense of security in this world; on the other, my ignorance paralyzes my ability to take action on moral and spiritual freedoms that are challenged by leaders of this world.

I ran across this quote from C.S. Lewis the other day and have been chewing on it for a while. Reading through some passages from the Old & New Testament about priesthood this morning reminded me of it.

"A great deal of democratic enthusiasm descends from the ideas of people like Rousseau, who believed in democracy because they thought mankind so wise and good that everyone deserved a share in the government. The danger of defending democracy on those grounds is that they’re not true. . . I find that they’re not true without looking further than myself. I don’t deserve a share in governing a hen-roost, much less a nation. . . . The real reason for democracy is . . . Mankind is so fallen that no man can be trusted with unchecked power over his fellows. Aristotle said that some people were only fit to be slaves. I do not contradict him. But I reject slavery because I see no men fit to be masters." (Equality)

One thing is for sure: God's kingdom is not founded upon the principles of democracy. There is One Ruler, and He governs with love, grace and justice. As believers, we don't have the option to rally a minority group to challenge the unfairness of his decisions. We simply have to trust that He knows what is best and has a greater plan than we can ever imagine.

As Christians, our Great Hope is not in our leaders, in our country, in this world. In John, Jesus promises his disciples (after he acknowledges the fact that they finally get Who He is), that they are going to be scattered and face lots of troubles. The take-home message that He gives to them is not to do the best they can to make the world a better place, but to trust him completely and find peace in Him in the midst of the world's troubles.

Lord, remind me each morning to start by putting my hope in You and You alone. Remove any fear or anger that I have toward the things in this world that are outside of my control. May others come to know You by my love, a love that You first modeled for us. Thank for for your promise of eternal security; help me to rest in Your strength and safety!

Created

"In the beginning, God created..."

After watching Rob Bell's video, Everything is Spiritual, this morning, and then diving into the first chapter of Francis Chan's Crazy Love tonight, my thoughts are filled with what an incredible Creator our God is.

Also, in perfect timing of course, Elle has started to pick up on a few of the off-hand words and phrases my husband and I use. One of my favorites from today is, "Awesome." She says it so randomly, and I laugh out loud every time she does.

Our God really is awesome. What He is able to speak into being is unfathomable. The real humbling part is to look around and realize that out of everything that exists, He chose man to bear His image. What an incredible honor. What an awesome God.

Real Life Distractions

One of the books I am mulling over right now is C.S. Lewis' Screwtape Letters. I recommended it to my friend C one day while we were talking about the reality of spiritual warfare. After she purchased it and started getting excited about it, I decided to refresh my memory on it so that we could discuss some of the major points.

As I opened it up this morning, I was burdened for one person in particular who I am convinced is just straight-up deceived by his own demon. My heart broke for him as I read the following passage, where Uncle Screwtape (a demon) is recalling a victory:

"I once had a patient, a sound atheist, who used to read in the British Museum. One day, as he sat reading, I saw a train of thought in his mind beginning to go the wrong way. I struck instantly at the part of the man which I had best under my control and suggested that it was just about time he had some lunch, [this was] much too important to tackle at the end of a morning, [it was] much better to come back after lunch and go into it with a fresh mind. Once he was in the street the battle was won. I showed him the newsboy shouting the midday paper, and a No. 73 bus going past, and before he reached the bottom of the steps, I had got him into an unalterable conviction that...a healthy dose of 'real life' was enough to show him that 'all that sort of thing' just couldn't be true. Thanks to the processes we set at work in them centuries ago, they find it all but impossible to believe in the unfamiliar while the familiar is before their eyes."

The father of this world, though he is very very good at crafting lies and manipulating the truth, is more than just deceptive on a deep, scientific level. In fact, because he knows he will never ultimately win in a battle of scientific rationale, I think he would much prefer to simply keep us distracted. Distracted by makeup, sports, kids, ice cream, birthdays, to-do lists, you name it...he doesn't care as long as it keeps us from resting at the feet of the Father of Creation and hearing that still, small voice that leads us in Truth and speaks Peace into our hearts. Real life comes only through Jesus Christ, friend! Oh, that you would taste and see that the Lord is good!!