Future Planning

We began a little "Come to Jesus" party on our house last night (out with the garbage and the cobwebs, in with the Clorox and the Orange Glo). The fun will continue through Sunday, as we are having an Open House in an attempt to sell it in this crazy market.

We put it up on the market in May, and this summer marks the third year we've lived in it. It's an entry-level house for us, a small 3BR/1BA cottage in an older section of town. We've started to out-grow a few places (namely, the 1BA), and now that a few of our friends are starting to settle into houses around town, we'd like to position ourselves so that our kids can one day play together after school.

We've had a few nibbles, but mostly not much interest. Which is okay, really. We really could do some things to make this house work well for us for the future. But I think that's probably why God's been so silent on the matter. My demands of God usually sound something like, "Okay, God if you will just tell me what your plan is, I promise that I will handle all the details from there." My God knows that if He told me this morning what His plan was for our house, I would say, "Thanks!" and turn around and start making a list of things that we "should be doing" for the next 5 years, according to this one moment of direction from God. Then, six months down the road, I would feel justified to blame him as the reason for why things weren't working out.

So, here I am...waiting. And praying that if He does allow me a glimpse of His plan, that I will only use it to trust Him more and not to take control over that which He has allowed me to know.

"Finding Nemo"

Today E and her daddy went on a little "date" at the aquarium. Determined to play my part in the adventures, I packed him full of diapers, extra clothes, food/snacks, and both cameras. I think they had a great time, and I reveled in the fact that they were off doing the "daddy/daughter" thing.

Apparently, she saw the real-deal "Mee-mo" & friends, played with stingrays, and thoroughly enjoyed the butterfly exhibit. I'm a little sad that I missed out on all the fun, but we got a one-year pass and will surely go back for more good times soon!

Godly Politics

My husband likes to listen to NPR (yes, it's okay to laugh if you know my husband). I tune in with him from time to time, but the beat is so incredibly liberal, it's sometimes hard for my brain to sift through to the facts without absentmindedly integrating their worldviews as well. One thing I regret a little, though, is that fact that I am not more politically informed. On one hand, my ignorance fosters a (false) higher sense of security in this world; on the other, my ignorance paralyzes my ability to take action on moral and spiritual freedoms that are challenged by leaders of this world.

I ran across this quote from C.S. Lewis the other day and have been chewing on it for a while. Reading through some passages from the Old & New Testament about priesthood this morning reminded me of it.

"A great deal of democratic enthusiasm descends from the ideas of people like Rousseau, who believed in democracy because they thought mankind so wise and good that everyone deserved a share in the government. The danger of defending democracy on those grounds is that they’re not true. . . I find that they’re not true without looking further than myself. I don’t deserve a share in governing a hen-roost, much less a nation. . . . The real reason for democracy is . . . Mankind is so fallen that no man can be trusted with unchecked power over his fellows. Aristotle said that some people were only fit to be slaves. I do not contradict him. But I reject slavery because I see no men fit to be masters." (Equality)

One thing is for sure: God's kingdom is not founded upon the principles of democracy. There is One Ruler, and He governs with love, grace and justice. As believers, we don't have the option to rally a minority group to challenge the unfairness of his decisions. We simply have to trust that He knows what is best and has a greater plan than we can ever imagine.

As Christians, our Great Hope is not in our leaders, in our country, in this world. In John, Jesus promises his disciples (after he acknowledges the fact that they finally get Who He is), that they are going to be scattered and face lots of troubles. The take-home message that He gives to them is not to do the best they can to make the world a better place, but to trust him completely and find peace in Him in the midst of the world's troubles.

Lord, remind me each morning to start by putting my hope in You and You alone. Remove any fear or anger that I have toward the things in this world that are outside of my control. May others come to know You by my love, a love that You first modeled for us. Thank for for your promise of eternal security; help me to rest in Your strength and safety!

Weary

Some days being a mom just honestly wears me out. As much as I adore E, the constant need for attention and help is draining on my bones. Even in the moments when I don't feel like I have any more to give, she still requires it. Today has been one of those days.

At the end of days like this, I just want to fall into bed face first as soon as I tuck E in. Forget the laundry, forget the dishes, forget washing my face or brushing my teeth - I just want to give in to the comfort of my pillow.

The other night, my husband and I had a very honest conversation with about love languages. We talked about my love language, "Acts of Service," and why it is so meaningful to me. I think it has a lot to do with this stage of "mommyhood"; having someone come alongside me and help meet the needs and desires of E's heart relieves so much of my daily burden. We also talked about the fact that sometimes "Physical Touch" (his love language) is so aversive to me at the end of a long day simply because I have spent my entire day giving E this critical growth need. It was an interesting conversation, to say the least, but I think it has prompted me to try to communicate my needs more effectively to my husband so that I don't hurt his feelings by being nonresponsive to his TLC. He's so dedicated to doing everything he can to love me like Christ, and he does it really well!

On days like this, if I didn't own a camera, it would be easy to forget the incredible memories and fun we had throughout the day. Of course, I also wouldn't have such incriminating evidence of my slacking parenting standards for the amount of sugar I allow her to consume in one day. Yikes...maybe we'll do better tomorrow on that one.

Playing at the park

Making cookies with mommy

Eating popsicles with the neighbors

Wrestling with Indiana in the grass

Myrtle Beach 2009

Life has been a little crazy around here with vacations and kiddos and the usual summer randomness, so I just now finished a book of E's time at the beach with Grandpa and Grandma and Uncle Connor ("Unca"). I had the option of exporting it to a video, but couldn't pick the music, so apologies if you are not a fan of the Classical era. I thought it turned out pretty cute, though, in spite - and it really does capture our memories of our time there.

Thanks again Grandpa and Grandma - we can't wait for next year!!

Created

"In the beginning, God created..."

After watching Rob Bell's video, Everything is Spiritual, this morning, and then diving into the first chapter of Francis Chan's Crazy Love tonight, my thoughts are filled with what an incredible Creator our God is.

Also, in perfect timing of course, Elle has started to pick up on a few of the off-hand words and phrases my husband and I use. One of my favorites from today is, "Awesome." She says it so randomly, and I laugh out loud every time she does.

Our God really is awesome. What He is able to speak into being is unfathomable. The real humbling part is to look around and realize that out of everything that exists, He chose man to bear His image. What an incredible honor. What an awesome God.

Offended Offender

This is probably one of those things I should never write out loud, but here's to living on the edge.

As a Christian, it's easy to get offended by this world. There are tasteless magazines on display in every shopping center in town; there are near-pornographic commercials and shows on PrimeTime TV; vulgur and inappropriate words are carelessly aimed at children in restaurants and other public places.

Unfortunately though, being a Christian doesn't exclude us from also being the offender. Just because I'm a Christian doesn't mean I'm perfect, or that I should ever have the audacity to think that I am. It simply means that I have Christ's loving protection before the wrath of a Holy God against the sin He cannot tolerate. The point of becoming a Christian should be because of our need for Christ's shed blood in order to be able to come into the presence of a perfect and holy God; perfection is a goal Christians should strive for only in the context of becoming like Christ, and not in the context of comparison to others.

I know too many people who have shunned a relationship with God because they have been burned, at one point in time or another, by a Christian (or even many of them). Because of this, they have felt justified - even obligated - to hang out a sign to the world that airs the dirty laundry of the hypocritical Christian. Well, sister/brother/friend, you're exactly right...Christians ARE hypocrites at times. Christians say dirty words sometimes. Christians smoke, drink, do drugs, and have promiscuous relationships sometimes. Christians are by no means perfect yet. Quite simply, sometimes Christians do not appear any different by a worldly standard than non-Christians (although Jesus calls us to a higher standard we should always be striving for).

Christ did not come into this world so that we could be perfect in the temporary things. He did not come into this world so that Christians could appear perfect and blameless to everybody else in the world. He was the perfect and blameless one of this world. And in an act of perfect love for this world, he came to wash our hearts white as snow for eternity's sake. In this world, we will surely fail. Before our God, we cannot because of Christ.

Sister/Brother/Friend, the fact that I fail you at times is evidence of my need for Christ's loving redemption in my heart. Though I proclaim his goodness in one moment, I know that I also carelessly speak at other moments. You are right to judge me as a hypocrite, if you are viewing me through the lens of this world. However, I can only hope that my transparency will allow you to see that I am clinging to Christ with all that I have. For every time that I fail, Jesus Christ provides grace through his perfect love and gives me strength to continue to walk in step with Him. He can never fail you, for he is perfect and he loves you perfectly. Even when you cannot trust me, trust Him. He loves you more than you will ever be able to fathom, and He is calling you out of darkness and death and into the freedom of that love!

Toddlerhood

One of my heroes in life is a little girl, age 5, who has taught me, among other things, not to take anything in life for granted. She has, by far, one of the most joyful spirits in the midst of trials, and a smile that is so contagious you would do anything to see it on her face. She is truly an inspiration to me. She defines "running the race," and I am privileged to know her.

Because of her, God has given me a pretty radical perspective on toddlerhood, and I try very hard to never take one single milestone that E reaches for granted. I know I still forget some things, but in light of a really special event last night, I think I'll stop this morning to reflect on a few toddlerhood milestones that E is hitting these days.

#1 - Toddler bed. Last night was E's first night in her crib-converted-to-toddler bed. Though she didn't get up even once when we put her down, she fell out this morning around 6:45am...oops!

#2 - Potty training. Though we haven't officially started anything yet, a friend of mine gave us a potty chair a couple of months ago, and it's become something we play around with.


#3 - Talking. It's unbelieveable how many words she's learning right now. Most of them I still can't understand, but she's combining gestures with her words to help her poor mama figure it out. The video below was taken yesterday.

#4 - Misbehavior. It's extremely annoying, but it's also a great sign of intelligence. That she's learned that she has her own will and can actually exert it over my authority is evidence of her growth and of her need for Christ.

#5 - Playing. Stacking blocks, kissing teddy bears, reading picture books - it's incredible how fast her play is developing. I've also seen a surge in whininess because she desires a "playmate," which is both fun and extremely counterproductive to housework. It's a great problem to have, though, when you put it all in perspective.


Lord, thank You for the blessing of E's life, and for the ways she's growing! Help me to never take for granted anything that you are doing through her, and yet, help me keep an eternal perspective on her growth so that nothing physical and of this world outmeasures the importance of what You are doing in her heart. Never let her forget how much she needs You, and fight for her heart every day of her life!

Great Date #1

My husband and I went on a date last night, engineered by MarriedLife at North Point Community Church. Intrigued by others' experiences with it, we thought we'd give it a shot.

I love to spend quality time with my husband, but we are not really as faithful with a "date night" as we'd like to be, due in part to the fact that we both just enjoy being together as a family with E. So, on this rare occasion, it was nice to have a little guidance to step outside the norm of dinner and a movie (when we have $), or coffee at the book store (when we don't).

Each step was a portion of a meal (at different locations) and a series of questions. If you remember, open-ended questions make me nervous. Really nervous. My husband, on the other hand, is relishing this opportunity to discuss questions like, "I get a kick out of watching you...," "Something special about you that not many people see is...," or "The thing I love about you most is...." If you've ever been running and you hit that "brick wall," where you think you cannot take another step but you know you still have to get home somehow, then you know exactly how I felt after Question #1. I'm thinking, "Lord, please just get me through this! I know I am honoring my husband by being really thoughtful and honest about all this, and I want to give this gift of words of affirmation and communication to him. But I cannot do this without your help!!"

Eighteen questions later, I finished the marathon. And you know what? The journey was a little uncomfortable, but the end goal was beautiful. It was a giant leap out of my comfort zone, to be sure. It still isn't necessarily a date that I'd do again without my stomach doing a little flip-flop warning of insecurity. But sometimes, in order for us to grow, we have to step outside of ourselves. The greatest part is that I have a husband who understood and who laughed with me about my struggles with this type of communication. The honesty of last night, for me, wasn't necessarily in the answers to the questions, but in the fact that no matter how I answer the questions, he still loves me for who I am. The reassurance of that truth strengthened my love and respect for him.

As a note, the thing I love about my husband most is...that he is safe. I trust without a doubt that he is always running hand-in-hand with me toward Christ, and that if I stumble, he is there to help me up. He's an incredible father, and I can't think of another person who has a more real and transparent relationship with the Lord.

Beloved

At the beginning of my second year of college, God began to strip away my cover by removing other idols in my life that were taking his place. It was a really tough time in my life, and I fought him hard for control. He stripped away my boyfriend of 4 years, he stripped away some pretty solid friendships and guided me into new ones, and then also began to uncover some of the really deep-seated flesh patterns that had governed me up to that point. I remember one night in my dorm room, after soaking my pillow with tears, crawling out of bed and curling up on the floor, face down. I told God right then and right there that if there was anything good left in me, he could have it. If there was anything he thought he could use for his glory, it was his. If he could pick up my pieces and form them into something usable, to take me. It wasn't necessarily that I trusted him to do any of those things - I just really felt he was the only option I had left.

To say he taught me a lot that year doesn't even scratch the surface. I think that year he just loved on me a lot. I liked the idea that the Old Testament sets forth about gathering "stones" as a way to honor and remember God's covenants. Following that example, I set out in search of a ring that would serve as a reminder to me of his deep love.

I found what I was looking for - a silver band, with the verse from Song of Solomon 6:3, in Hebrew, inscribed on it. It was perfect...almost. I wanted to wear it on my ring finger, as a symbol of my relationship with Christ, but it seemed a little heretical to think that one day my husband would one day "replace" this band with one he was giving to me. To me, the symbolism of that just didn't make sense; my relationship with Christ would never be replaced by my husband, it would be magnified.

I settled on a (gasp!) tattoo. One I didn't tell my parents about for nearly six months. I took the Hebrew words from that ring and had them inscribed on my ring finger, in a place that would one day fall directly beneath my wedding rings. To this day, I still love it. I love that it serves as a "remembering stone" for the time when God pulled me out of the pit. I love that what it says is eternally true: "I am my Beloved's, and my Beloved is mine." I love that I serve a God who doesn't just teach, but sometimes just loves. And even when I fight his love during a moment of rebellion, that tattoo remains, serving as an ever-present example of his steadfast love for me.

(Disclaimer to my children: This is by no means your future justification for getting a tattoo or piercing or whatever else might be intriguing to your teenage mind.)

Thoughts on Thinking

Being a stay-at-home mom is a calling...one that I feel pretty certain I do not have - at least at this point in my life. I won't say that I'll never do it, for God has this thing going with me where, when I say "I'll never do ______," it most certainly becomes the next thing he leads me into. So...I'll just stick to saying that I don't necessarily feel that calling.

I do think that being a stay-at-home mom is one of the most difficult jobs I could ever imagine having. I tried it yesterday, and pretty well wrecked a clean house while coming very close to throwing the TV in the trash just so I wouldn't have to make any other excuses about why we couldn't watch Barney for the 11th time.

The hardest part for me on those days, though, is the lack of meaningful conversation. It leaves me, for the most part, alone with my thoughts, which is not always healthy. I have a weakness in my thought life that apparently allows the Enemy a quick foothold, and if there's a problem or a stress in my life at that moment, I can easily end up angry about it after a few hours of processing. Of course, this anger sours my attitude and affects everybody around me, which was the case in point last night. Usually my rationale is totally ridiculous and centers around the fact that I didn't feel valued, for one reason or another. After praying about it last night and this morning, though, I realize I'm not the first person on the face of the earth to face these issues, and it really is the Enemy's goal to lead me down that path of destruction:

"For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ." ~2 Corinthians 10:3-5

Father, capture every thought that Satan would use to destroy me, and crush it beneath your feet! Replace those thoughts with thoughts that bring honor to You. Thank you for revealing the Truth to me, and for giving me everything I need to walk in it. Continue to root your Word into my life for my good and for Your Glory!

And That's What (Some) Little Girls Are Made Of...

I remember, as a young girl, receiving an invitation in the mail one day to "Junior Cotillion." After asking my mom what it was, I promptly ripped it to shreds and threw it in the trash, claiming that I would not be learning how to sip tea, set a dinner table and ballroom dance. It was a value statement then, for sure (apologies to all those Cotillioners out there!), but as a pretty literal 11-yr-old, I just couldn't foresee in my future a need to be educated in the social graces of this world (to this day, I still don't have a clue what went on in those classes, but I could use a little help in the social graces arena!).

I often wonder about E, what kind of a girl she is becoming, not only in a spiritual sense, but also if she'll like Barbies and play house, if she will scale rocks or climb mountains like her daddy. If I'll have to hide my amusement in the same way my mom probably did when she rips up an invitation to learn ballroom dancing.

Not that I have a real preference for one skill set over another...I'm really just quite curious to see what specific gifts and traits God gives my cheerful, light-hearted, easy-going little baby. One thing's for sure: if this video is any indication, we're going to need a whole lot more lessons in social graces!

A Safe Place

Last week, on our first night at the beach, I had a run-in with a strung-out guy. At first I thought he was just a creep, because he just kept STARING at E. After at least 10 minutes of trying to ignore him, I stepped between him and her, took off my sunglasses so that I could look him straight in the eyes, and asked him if he needed anything, and told him if he didn't, then he needed to move on. I turned back around to E, we kept playing, and he kept staring. I took my sunglasses off again, and proceeded to stare back until he got the picture and moved on. Creep.

It took me over an hour to shake that "unsafe" feeling. I felt so helpless against his overpowering sin. And that the sin was committed against my own small child who couldn't defend herself was nearly unbearable.

I've thought over and over again how I could've reacted differently, and wondered if the actions that I did take brought glory to God. Though I certainly felt justified in protecting her, I don't really have an answer to that question yet. And I'm pretty sure the thoughts that were running through my head at the time were probably not thoughts that Jesus would ever entertain.

One thing I DO know is that God never promised this world to be a safe place. I do know that, as much as it hurts, I want E to know that so that she will understand the importance of being covered in prayer and in the armor of the Living God. HE is our safe place, HE is our protector and provider, and HE will get the final judgment over every soul. As much as I want to be able to protect her from the ugliness of this world, at some point she will taste its bitterness. And the best gift I can offer her in those moments is to show her that if we cling to God, he promises us peace for our burdens and joy for our sorrow...and forgiveness for all the things we really wanted to say to the offender.

Re-Entry into Real Life

After nothing less than an incredible week at the beach with my husband's family, a very loooooooong ride home in our little sedan yesterday, and a good night's sleep, we have officially re-entered "real life." My husband and I are back to eating normal food in normal portions, E has been restricted from the juices, the junk food, and endless episodes of Barney, and our washing machine and sprinklers have run nonstop since sunrise. Bills are stacked on the counter waiting for tomorrow's paycheck to arrive, a long list of messages are waiting to be returned, and the pace is quickening like a treadmill steadily speeding up beneath my feet.

Re-entry isn't easy. E rendezvoused with the time-out chair more times than I can remember, as she struggled with the first day in a while that she hasn't had my undivided attention. I had to keep reminding myself that by teaching her to wait for me, I am helping her to understand a little more about what God may ask of her one day.

Likewise, I've got my own re-entry issues. My 5:30 am workout tomorrow morning is going to be miserably wonderful. That stack of bills must be paid. Our car has to be taken to the shop. Our pup is due for a trip to the vet. There are lots of things vying for my attention on my desk at work. And on top of all that, I've also got to let go of the fact that I can no longer give E my undivided attention, though I would wish for it a million times over if I could.

Lord, help me to begin this week on my knees, help me to prioritize my activities according to Your will, prepare me for the spiritual battles that I will surely face, and give strength to my family as we continue to take this journey one day at a time!

Truth Be Told

I think one of the things people have learned to trust about me is I'm a pretty honest person. Though, because I'm rather introverted, I don't always share my honest feelings with people unless they are in the "inner circle" or they point-blank ask. Sometimes this saves me from a lot of awkward moments, other times I think it makes me come across as uncaring. I also hear, from people who are very honest with me, that it can seem as though I don't ever have problems or make mistakes - again, because I never talk about them.

Well, let me set the record straight loud and clear. I am human. I make plenty of mistakes. And I can get very insecure about the mistakes that I do make, so much so that I am nearly always tempted to cover them up as quickly as possible.

Last week, before heading off to the beach, some friends of mine took a few days' vacation. I offered to stop by and tend to their kitties while they were out of town - they were outdoor cats, so the only major job was making sure they had food and water. They left on a Monday morning, and I stopped by to check on them later that evening...and the next time I even thought about it was Thursday morning. YIKES!!

Long story short, one of the cats was indeed missing, and it was decision time. I really, really, really, REALLY tried to come up with something that covered every aspect and shifted blame entirely onto some kind of natural cause. But truth is a cornerstone, especially in regards to our relationship with these friends, and nothing but absolute verity seemed even reasonable. It was a tough phone call, especially when I also had to let them know that one of their pets was missing because of my error. I hate the feeling that I have let someone down.

Two days later, my friend sent me a picture of both kitties eating from the same bowl. As I look back on it, it's crazy to think that I would've been willing to sacrifice the integrity of our friendship for an animal. I was so gripped by the fear that I would momentarily disappoint them with the truth that I was failing to see that a lie would cause lasting destruction. I'm thankful that God won that small battle in me that day. It's evidence of His redemptive work in my heart, and it's encouraging. I'm also thankful for friends like C and W, who encourage my husband and I toward Christ every time we're with them. I've said it before, but just for the record, I am really sorry about the cats, C, but it's been a great lesson. Thank you for rewarding my truthfulness with an overflow of grace, and for being my sister in Christ. We love your kitties, and I'm really glad that R came home!!

Beach Fun

In case there are those of you (mom) who think that we haven't had any fun this week, who think we've forgotten about you, who think we've fallen off the face of the earth...here's the proof we're still alive!

Dwelling Place

There's a place right in the crux of my left shoulder where E just fits. In another 20 years, I can imagine that place actually looking different than the one on my right shoulder, simply from all the wearing in that it gets. It doesn't matter if she curls up to me because she's sad or because she's sorry for a moment of disobedience, if she is feeling a little tired or little unsafe - I welcome it each and every time because I love to be that near to her.

I can only imagine that this must be the way my Father feels when I climb up into his arms. That, no matter what the reason was for getting there, he is relishing in the fact that I find him safe. That he loves to be near me. That, after nearly 20 years of knowing him, I have carved out a little worn spot in his shoulder.

How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord Almighty!

Golden Arches

Nothing says vacation like a good ol' trip to Mickey D's. Especially when you've been so diligent to protect your firstborn from it for 19 months. Even more so when it's the christening meal of your trip. Oh well. I guess it had to happen sometime, right? Sorry, Mr. Cathy. We still love cows. Promise.

Wrecked

Tonight I am sitting in a condo on Myrtle Beach, watching the sunset through the sliding door, and pondering the events of the past 24 hours. Let's just say it's been a little different than I anticipated.

We were a little behind schedule Friday night as we headed out for the beach, and E was just starting to doze right at 10pm, a full two hours past her usual bedtime. I was settling in for another two hours on the road, checking the iPod and securing E's toys away for the remainder of the trip when it felt as though our left rear tire exploded.

I remember looking at my husband and focusing all of my energy on praying that he would be able to maintain control long enough to guide us off the road. I heard screeching tires, but I just kept staring and praying. Without a doubt, God himself guided our car to safety on the side of the interstate, and I quickly realized that it wasn't our tire, but another vehicle that had bumped us while we were driving.

I called 911 to report the accident while my husband stepped out of the car to assess the situation. E, though completely fine, was no longer dozing of course. The driver of the other vehicle was also okay, and I learned soon after that she had fallen asleep while driving. After an hour on the side of the interstate, we moved the vehicles to the nearest exit ramp to more fully calculate the damage done to both vehicles. We took a few pictures, both of the accident and of the first time E has ever stayed up until midnight. These precious smiles were God's way of preparing my heart for the overwhelming sense of despair I felt when we got in the car, finally ready to continue, only to find out that our car battery had been completely drained by the past two hours of activity on the side of the road.


When we finally got back on the road, I was wrecked. I remember thinking that there were probably a lot of Christian women out there who would, at that time, lovingly look at their husbands and tell them how much they admired them for handling the situation so perfectly. I just sat there and cried and wished silently for my daddy, just knowing he would have all the answers if he were here.

In reality though, my God supplied our every need. Looking back on last night, I see how he protected us so completely. It could have easily been much much worse. E was such a trooper. My husband was incredibly capable. And me? God's power was made perfect through my weakness, just as his Word promises.

Real Life Distractions

One of the books I am mulling over right now is C.S. Lewis' Screwtape Letters. I recommended it to my friend C one day while we were talking about the reality of spiritual warfare. After she purchased it and started getting excited about it, I decided to refresh my memory on it so that we could discuss some of the major points.

As I opened it up this morning, I was burdened for one person in particular who I am convinced is just straight-up deceived by his own demon. My heart broke for him as I read the following passage, where Uncle Screwtape (a demon) is recalling a victory:

"I once had a patient, a sound atheist, who used to read in the British Museum. One day, as he sat reading, I saw a train of thought in his mind beginning to go the wrong way. I struck instantly at the part of the man which I had best under my control and suggested that it was just about time he had some lunch, [this was] much too important to tackle at the end of a morning, [it was] much better to come back after lunch and go into it with a fresh mind. Once he was in the street the battle was won. I showed him the newsboy shouting the midday paper, and a No. 73 bus going past, and before he reached the bottom of the steps, I had got him into an unalterable conviction that...a healthy dose of 'real life' was enough to show him that 'all that sort of thing' just couldn't be true. Thanks to the processes we set at work in them centuries ago, they find it all but impossible to believe in the unfamiliar while the familiar is before their eyes."

The father of this world, though he is very very good at crafting lies and manipulating the truth, is more than just deceptive on a deep, scientific level. In fact, because he knows he will never ultimately win in a battle of scientific rationale, I think he would much prefer to simply keep us distracted. Distracted by makeup, sports, kids, ice cream, birthdays, to-do lists, you name it...he doesn't care as long as it keeps us from resting at the feet of the Father of Creation and hearing that still, small voice that leads us in Truth and speaks Peace into our hearts. Real life comes only through Jesus Christ, friend! Oh, that you would taste and see that the Lord is good!!

Homecoming

E came home today, after spending 9 days with Nana and PopPop in the mountains! She's bigger, taller, smarter, sassier, sillier, and cuter. And apparently, she thinks the new bedtime routine must include a few minutes of "Mee-mo" (hint: he's a clown fish). Thanks...Nana.
Obviously, she thought we had a lot of catching up to do. One day this footage is going to be priceless!

Weekend Fun

We had a blast camping with Nana and PopPop this weekend. The final tally comes to:

54 deer
37 wild turkeys
18 miles of biking
14 ice cream cones

12 rounds of "Nemo"


9 black bears

7 outfits per day

6 bags of chips

5 s'mores

4 trips around Cades Cove


3 Moores/Bosts

2 hours of tubing down the river

...and 1 tired baby!!

It's unbelievable how much I love this little girl!!!

"What is Church" is the Wrong Question

I hate that question. Not that I really get it that often, because most people already have a preconceived notion of "what church is," so the conversation usually turns to a list of styles, songs, warm & fuzzy feelings, and what makes a good pastor.

I hate it because I am so guilty of getting sucked into qualifying a church by the "what's." I hate it because it is the wrong question. It is Satan's way of deceiving us into believing that we are better off on our own. The right question, the one that always leads us to the foot of the cross, is "Who is the Church?" And Paul gives an incredible answer in Ephesians:

"Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior...Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless...After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body."

Where am I going with all this? This morning, I went to church. My mom, my dad, my sister, my husband and I all sat around a picnic table at a campsite with a couple of bibles, and the Holy Spirit of the Living God was there among us as thick as a storm cloud. He blessed us with His Spirit as we walked prayerfully and carefully through some really tough issues that were causing division in our family. We were lovingly honest. There were tears. Our burdens were laid out on the table. Christ spoke through my husband many times to bring biblical insight into some of those "family" issues. I LOVE that my husband is able to speak such tender wisdom. We prayed together, prayed for guidance, prayed for acceptance, prayed for strongholds to be broken and peace to invade. It was a beautiful picture of the simplicity of church. Not a full picture of everything God intends for the church to be, but a sliver of that "cleansing by the washing of the water with the word."

The funny thing is that I didn't really want to sit down at the table this morning. My sister had made the suggestion that we all sit around the table and "talk about what God is doing in our lives." If you know me at all, invitations like that make me want to turn and run as fast as my legs will carry me to the next continent. I don't know why, they just do. I sat down begrudgingly, and God did something miraculous. I'm sure glad he doesn't need us, but I am so much more glad that he wants us anyway!!

Transformed

Since E is with my parents this week, my husband and I took a very rare opportunity to see a movie tonight with some close friends of ours. It's probably been months since we've seen a movie. Partly because we are very picky about what we're willing to pay $20 for, partly because with a babysitter, it never ends up being just $20. Dates for us usually consist of sipping on black coffee while perusing the local bookstore.

I have to admit that I walked away from the new Transformers movie a little worse for the wear. The action was incredible, and the theme of "sacrifice" certainly rang throughout the movie, but the enjoyment was greatly dampered by crude sexual humor and offensive language that seemed almost idolized by the movie characters.

In one particular scene, one of the characters turns to his companion and asks, "If humans are supposed to be made in the image of God, I wonder who made them (meaning the Transformers)?" How greatly saddened our God must be to not only be so blatantly disregarded and even mocked throughout a movie, but to then also be leveled to less than the creator of a comic icon.

The problem with this is that we sit in a theater seat with our minds wide open, with a popcorn in our left hand, a Coke in our right, and Sour Jacks in our lap. Armed for entertainment, not for the spiritual warfare that is about to take place. Along with the action and the drama and the comedy, our minds absorb messages that question our foundational beliefs, and these messages go unchallenged because we aren't even aware that it is happening!! And then we turn around and wonder why a certain word slipped out there or one of our kids responded a certain way, or why we just don't feel like getting in the Word today.

This is, undoubtedly, why Paul chastens the believers in the Roman church to "not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." Sometimes, if the battleground is too precarious, this means not even stepping foot into the theater. Sometimes, though, I think we can take opportunities like these to teach our kids (of the appropriate age) that they must be carefully discerning the messages that they are allowing into their heads. A phrase I'm sure that E will quickly tire of hearing in our house is, "Honey, it's never just a movie." Because one day, E is going to (whether by choice or accident) end up watching a movie with messages that challenge her faith. I firmly believe what she does in those moments will one day affect her decision to continue to follow Christ or to turn away from him. These messages will shape her worldview and her view of Christ. When she reaches college, if she is unable to solidly defend either of those, she will likely question her relationship with God.

Why are we losing ground with our children, our teens, our college students? Because they are bombarded each and every day with music, movies, and other messages that challenge their faith. My ultimate responsibility cannot be to shelter E or even to teach her to be a good person, but to give her the tool of discernment and to help her learn to suit up with spiritual armor so she can know the will of God and resist the temptations of the devil.

Aunt K

My sister, K, is living with us this summer as she completes an internship for school, and my husband (her brother-in-law) has now also become her landlord and employer for these few months.

I love my sister. I admire her so much that I chose to give our firstborn daughter her name in hopes that God will bless E with some of the same gifts and strengths that he has given to Aunt K. She's truly one of the most incredible examples of the love of Christ I will ever know, a claim many others in this world who would be quick to echo.

K has caused me a lot of reflection this summer, as I am struck by the realization that she and I are nearly polar opposites in strengths, personalities, and aspirations. Undeniably, we are not only biological sisters but also spiritual sisters, and these truths are more than enough to bind us together in Christ. Let's just say I'm getting a much clearer picture of the kind of beautiful conflict Solomon referred to as "iron sharpening iron."

A conversation just the other night went like this:

K walks in the door, obviously hungry
Me- "Would you like our leftover grilled chicken, and I'll put a potato in the microwave for you while you shower?" (I'm feeling really good about my graciousness)

K- "Sure, that'd be great." (She showers)

Skip forward one hour, and I walk in the kitchen and discover a mess (I'm feeling less gracious)

I start to clean, banging pots loudly together to get K's attention (I'm feeling even less gracious)

I walk into K's room (my flesh takes over, no more graciousness) and ask if she will come clean too

K (obviously responding to my flesh), walks into the kitchen, picks up the pot.

K- "I don't understand why it would've been so hard for you to clean this one pot."

Record screeching...WHAT?!?!?!?

Me- (thankfully, only in my head) "Ok, so you live in my house, I offer you my food, I start to clean up your mess, ask for you to help with one small thing, and instead of thanks, I get that?!?!"

I think, probably because we were both consumed with our flesh, we finished the task in silence.

A few days later, when I look back at this moment, I'm still convicted that we were both living in our flesh. I wish I could have been more truly serving, instead of expecting some kind of return on my gift of dinner. I wish K could have been more thankful with her actions (though I'll bet my hypocrisy blocked her opportunity to show appreciation).

The real question is how often I have this same posture with my Creator. How many times do I receive a gift from him without even thanking him? Worse yet, how many times do I offer a gift to him with the expectation of some kind of return, as if He should be indebted to me? Thankfully, I serve a perfect God who both understands and resists the temptation of the flesh and yet is endlessly merciful when I choose to walk in my flesh instead of in his mercy. Oh, how He loves!