Halloween 2009

Despite the drizzling rain, we all enjoyed watching E's delight grow as she realized - for the first time ever - if you say "Trick or Treat" (on Halloween), people give you candy. To my dismay, she also figured out very quickly that if you let mama hold your candy, she eats the chocolate pieces when you aren't looking.

Posing with Indiana

Trick-or-Treating: Our Very First House

Downtown Halloween Candy Extravaganza

Enjoying our Spoils

Men Are From Mars

Yesterday was a tough day in our house. Through a long set of circumstances in which the details are irrelevant, I went to bed with the feeling that I was my husband's "second choice" that day - a feeling that topped off an otherwise already terrible day. During a long car ride together today, I opened up and tried to walk him through some choices that he made that I interpreted to mean that he was tired of hanging out with me and instead needed some "guy time" to kind of fill up.

I felt pretty dumb as I unpacked all of my insecurities in front of him. Though he probably knows me better than I even know myself, it still isn't all that fun to be gut-wrenchingly honest about my human insecurities. Worse still was the fact that all my assumptions were completely wrong. Once we started talking through it all, I soon found out that the choices that he made had nothing to do with how he felt about me and everything to do with the fact that he simply saw an opportunity to be a friend to one of his guys.

Oh, how different we women are from our men. And though it causes so much heartache sometimes, I always come back to something I read in a book by Gary Thomas (Sacred Marriage) a few years ago - something that sparked a revolution in the early years of our marriage. His question, in fact the entire premise of the book is this: "What if God intended marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?" Or, in other words, what if marriage was more about finding our pleasure in God than finding our pleasure in each other or ourselves?

And what if, by some miracle, I were actually able to take a step back during the middle of marital conflict and see that - from God's holy and righteous perspective - all this conflict is actually for my good? That I am suffering for the sake of God's ultimate purpose of cultivating love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control in my heart?

The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will receive a harvest if we do not give up. (Galatians 6:8-9, NIV)

Grandparents and a Two-Year-Old

It's been a week full of grandparenting around here! We travelled over the weekend to see grandparents in South Carolina, then on to grandparents and great grandparents in North Carolina. Lots of fun, lots of sweet sweet memories, and lots of "2"-ish behavior. LOTS of it.

Thanks to access to TV (a luxury we don't offer at home), E has developed a crush on Blue, the canine star of the preschool show, Blue's Clues. I have to admit that I am encouraging it a little, as I am about to need some heavy incentives for potty training, and Blue is much more tolerable for this mama than Barney or Dora (and conveniently available via YouTube). I'm also working in a little Veggie Tales on the side, but since I'm guessing that Veggie Tales underwear is a little harder to come by than Blue's Clues, I'm hoping that the enjoyment of maybe both will stick around.

Words are beginning to morph into real phrases - not just the crazy jabber that we've heard up to this point. Some of my favorites from the weekend are most certainly, "Grandaddy, I want ice cream!" and "No way! Are you serious?" (a phrase she hears often from her daddy).

And, to my total embarrassment, she now points out the sign for Starbucks when we are driving down the road and says, "Coffee! Coffee, mama?" Yeah, that's nice...

A Seaman's Story

We spent some time on Monday morning with my husband's dad's dad (E's great-grandaddy Bost) and his wife, Jenny. When we went out for lunch, we somehow got on the topic of his history with the U.S. Navy during World War II, and I sat with a mouth open-wide as he told a story of how he - as an 18-year-old - not only survived a torpedo attack on the USS Donnell, a destroyer en route to Europe, but then also went on to join the forces in the attack on the beaches of Normandy.

At the time of the torpedo attack, he should have been asleep in his assigned bunk. Instead, he had traded bunks with another soldier that was on duty. If he had been in his assigned bunk, his life would have been taken along with the lives of the 29 other men that day. Instead, God had other plans.

He went back home after the war, back to his mom's house (who had signed a waiver for him to be able to join the Navy at the age of 17 at the time of the draft), back to his preacher to find out just why God had spared him his life that day. "I don't know why he chose to allow me to live that day," he said very candidly as we sat around the table.

Ohhhh...but I do Grandaddy Bost. I'm sure there's a million, but I've got living proof of one perfect little reason why God spared your life that day.

A Pumpkin Just My Size

Every year we carve pumpkins with the Bosts - L's dad, stepmom and brother, or now affectionately known as "Grandpa, Grandma, and Unca." E had a pumpkin that was just her size, and as it turned out, so did Indiana.

Time Flies By

I was thinking the other day that it just seems impossible how fast time has flown by this past year. Every time that E and I meet someone new, they always leave me with the same parting words: "Don't blink, because before you know it, she'll be headed off to college."

If the warp speed continues, I can easily see why they all say it.

I pull my video camera out every chance I get. I shoot pictures at every turn. I've even started blogging every little detail that I can manage to remember. And then I stumble across something like this, and I think...WAIT!!! That can't possibly be almost two years ago, can it?

A Traumatizing Event

I'm pretty sure I scarred my child for life today.

I picked her up from her sitter's house, with intentions of running a few errands with her that I thought she might enjoy. One of them, a first for her, was washing the car. I have fond memories of going through the car wash as a kid. I always thought it was pretty relaxing. I always wondered what it would be like to be standing outside of the car and feel the giant washcloths turn over you on both sides. I loved the scent of the car wax that always wafted through the air conditioning toward the end of the cycle. I remember thinking that the roof of the car would surely have permanent dents from the massive hair dryers at the end of the line. I assumed that E would feel the same way.

I assumed incorrectly. At the first sign of the huge, spinning brushes her face melted into a frown. When the giant washcloths appeared, the frown turned to anxiety. The sound of the jet-stream of water all around finally tipped her over into terror, and she started to cry. The only redeeming factor was the dryer at the end - she knows what a hair dryer is and was able to kind of equate the two, plus I think it also helped that she could finally see sunshine again.

I think we might stay away from the car wash for a while.

Productivity

Tonight was a working night at the house. For what seems like one of the first days in a while, the ground was finally dry enough to tackle mowing the lawn, and the weather cooperated to allow for some other outdoor chores as well. My rockin' husband picked up E, came home, mowed the lawn, cleaned out the gutters, swept off the roof, unloaded the dishwasher, washed the dog and helped with the laundry. I made dinner, staved off a starving child to "make it" until dinner, fed everybody, bathed E, cleaned up dinner, kept laundry moving, and swept floors throughout the house. I noticed about halfway through sweeping that E was being especially quiet and was playing really well with her toys in her room. I was proud of her. I was proud of myself for helping her to get to that point. I was a bit too proud.

For what she was really doing was pulling all of her clothes out of the drawers in her dresser and off the bottom rack of her closet and draping them all over her bedroom.

Like Mother, Like Daughter

When I was a kid, if I saw something I liked, I would just take it. My unregenerate heart simply had no regard for other people's stuff. I brought home several books from preschool. I would take pencils that I liked off of people's desks at school. I remember having to go back into a department store and return a magnet that I had stolen in the check-out line, per my dad's disapproving instruction. I took things from my sister all the time (maybe one of the reasons she's such an awesome person is that I cultivated a huge heart of grace in her...hahaha).

Today E and I had a little playdate, and when I went to clean out her bag tonight, I found this:

Three little pieces of fruit from her little friends' play kitchen. (To further demonstrate that this wasn't "an accident," she asked for them by name when I was emptying her bag. I didn't know what she was talking about until I stumbled upon them.) Sorry, J & E!! We'll return them ASAP. :)

It's a little bit funny, but it's also quite serious too. I don't want to overlook the fact that this could be a potential foothold in her life one day if not addressed early and talked about frequently; it certainly is an issue I have always dealt with. She has such a sweet, joyful heart even now in the midst of being a little thief - I can't wait to see what it's going to look like one day when it has been reclaimed by our Holy God and used for His incredible purposes!!

Play date kiddos:

(E, E, & E!)

Flower Child

Hint: There's a child in there somewhere. :)

Pumpkin Carvin' with Uncle R

We continued the fall festivities this evening with three other couples and their kiddos, all carving pumpkins with our little ones for the first time.

Some wanted nothing to do with the pumpkins, some tried to eat the pumpkins, and some...like my dear sweet child...instigated pumpkin-goop-throwing wars.

Luckily, we were in a pretty fun-loving crowd, so she had the opportunity to enjoy being herself.

I think it turned out pretty good.

Thanks for letting us wreck your house, Uncle R! Can we do it again next year??

Fall Festival at the Farm

Trying to stand up on the Giant Pillow

Sliding with Daddy

Riding on the "Cow Train"

Playing in the "Corn House"

(A playhouse filled with dried corn kernels)

Bouncing all the leftover corn out of my pants

Sitting on a hay bale decorated as a pig

Petting the donkey

Feeding the goats

Riding the pony

Riding the train

Playing in the pumpkin patch

Sacked out!!!

I think we've got a Bost Family tradition on our hands, folks!

I always think about my friend G when I clean out the refrigerator.

When I was interning at a church during college, I lived with G. She was, hands down, one of the best roommates I've ever had. On the first day I moved in, she gave me a list of "Things to Know About Living Here," which included how to park in the driveway (no lie) and how to avoid the wrath of her devil-cat (wish I were joking). I have so many fond memories of that brief moment in my life, like...

-Buying ice cream from the grocery store, ordering pizza from Dominoes, and sitting on the couch stuffing our faces while watching the "Biggest Loser."

-Coming home to find my sister, who was visiting me for the week, squatting on top of the kitchen counter, wearing oven mitts and holding a broom, terrified of the "devil-cat" who was hissing and spitting at her from the middle of the kitchen floor.

-Constant conversations about how I used to leave kitchen cabinet doors open and accidentally burn the burner covers on the stove.

-Sideways glances from her when L and I would sit too close together on the couch.

-Her laugh. It's one of my top five most favorite laughs in the whole wide world.

-Unashamed jealousy over the fact that her mom's favorite thing to do was show up unannounced and take her on a shopping spree.

But my all-time favorite memory of G has to be the realization that there was a leftover covered casserole dish in her refrigerator from the Thanksgiving the year before. Mind you, I moved into the house during the summer. We threw that whole $15-dish away, we never even opened the lid. I think we sat in the middle of the kitchen floor and laughed for a half hour. So, every time I clean out my refrigerator and stumble upon a tupperware container that was shoved into the back and forgotten about, I think of my friend G. And I smile.

From the Mouth of Babes: The Five Pillars of Islam

We had dinner with some of our very best friends tonight, who have three boys, the eldest of which is 9 years old. He's a kid that is so wise beyond his years, and has a humongous heart for the Lord. All of the boys do.

Tonight we were sitting around the table and H (the nine-year-old), was giving us a lesson in Islam, sharing with us some of the things he's been learning about the five pillars of Islam in his class at school. As I tuned in to what he was saying, I learned this:

1. Muhammad is the messenger of God

2. Muslims must fast during the month of "Ramada"

3. They have to give "Iams" to the poor

4. They pray to god ("little g") five times a day

Honestly, I got so tickled I didn't even hear what he said the fifth one was. I was also praising the Lord for the obvious Godward-ness of this little one's heart.

E had some really sweet times with the boys too. She absolutely adores their youngest son to pieces; they've even come up with their own little nickname for each other. My heart melted tonight when I turned away from cooking to spy one of the boys stroking E's hair and reading a book to her on the floor. I'm looking forward to E having three "big brothers" to be there for her through this life, and I love that E has such incredible examples of the heart of a Christian boy.

Aesop

An old Aesop's fable that has been cropping up lately for me is the one about the Wind and the Sun. It reads:

The Wind and the Sun were disputing which was the stronger. Suddenly they saw a traveller coming down the road, and the Sun said: "I see a way to decide our dispute. Whichever of us can cause that traveller to take off his cloak shall be regarded as the stronger. You begin." So the Sun retired behind a cloud, and the Wind began to blow as hard as it could upon the traveller. But the harder he blew the more closely did the traveller wrap his cloak round him, till at last the Wind had to give up in despair. Then the Sun came out and shone in all his glory upon the traveller, who soon found it too hot to walk with his cloak on.

I was telling my husband tonight of an epiphany I was having, confident that it was going to be a grand realization for him as well, proud of what a word from God I had just heard. Haha.

He was really sweet - let me go on and on about all the great things I was thinking. After I was finished, he gently said, "Yeah, I've been thinking that same thing for a while now. Just waiting for you to realize it too."

My sweet husband. He is definitely my "sun." I can't ever remember a time when he has forced his will on me or required me to change in a way that would surely be better for everybody involved. Instead, he submits his desires straight to the Lord, and trusts Him to work His will in my life on His time. And does that joyfully. And loves me deeply. He's definitely a keeper. :)

Hesistant Obedience

I was in a local store the other day doing some random shopping when I stumbled upon a winter jacket that I have been trying to find for the past two years. It was exactly what I had been looking for - thick, quilted coat with the faux fur removable hood, longer length, mocha brown color, ON SALE; it was perfect. One problem: I was out of budget money for clothing, for gifts, and for "me" purchases. There was really nothing left that I could use to spend on this item. I pulled it off the rack anyway and walked through the rest of the store with it in my buggy, thinking, "Maybe I'll just get the okay from God anyway, and then I can find a way to justify it with my husband."

No such luck. I finished with the rest of my shopping and returned to the same clothing rack with my jacket in hand. I tried it on - it was a perfect fit. I literally had a conversation with God in my head: "I can put it away and use it as a Christmas present, right?" "I need a jacket like this" "I've waited two years to find this jacket for less than $80 somewhere!" And on and on. At one point in time I put it in my buggy and walked on, deciding that I would just buy it anyway, certain that I wasn't hearing the Holy Spirit correctly, unbelieving that He could be telling me to walk away from the steal of the century on a jacket I'd wanted for years. I got up to the checkout counter, loaded all my items on the belt, then of course had to walk all the way back to the back of the store to hang that stupid jacket back up, because I chickened out in the end. I mean, really - did I actually think I was going to be able to walk out of that store in complete rebellion against God who saved my soul from eternal death...over a $80 jacket?!?!

I flipped open my Bible tonight to Hebrews 12 and then remembered something that Matt Chandler said last week at Catalyst: "Every bit of hesitancy in obedience is a beckoning of God to go deeper." I think the other day maybe it had nothing to do with that jacket; maybe it was a test from God to see if I was willing to go a little deeper with Him. Praise His graciousness - in that moment, I chose Him. And it's bittersweet - there's a small, self-loving part of me that still wants that stinkin' jacket. But I want Him more. And my heart rings with the fact that my actions (for that one brief moment in time) matched my heart's cry: to choose Him above all else.

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

It's amazing how quickly I can go from a loving, gracious mommy to a short-tempered, legalistic dictator. Ugh. It's kind of depressing, actually.

I got a phone call from a rather antagonistic person yesterday that, frankly, left me flustered and angry. Hours later, it was obviously still brewing in my soul, and I found myself being very ungracious with E, even causing her to cry at one point of particular impatience.

Fast forward to tonight when I peeked into her room, 45 minutes past her bedtime, because she was still awake and talking. When I creeped up close to her bedside to see what was going on, she opened her eyes, looked at me sideways out of the corner of them, and started giggling. We laughed hysterically for the next five minutes.

Reflecting on my bipolar interactions with her over the past 24 hours reminds me of something Louie Giglio said last week, something that keeps coming back up for me. He gave the illustration of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition and the fact that after the crowd yells, "Move That Bus!!," the first thing that camera focuses on is not the house - the thing that the whole show has been apparently building up to - but the family's faces. Even though you're not able to see the actual house at first, you get excited because you see the house on the faces of the family members who are beholding it. Their thrill at the joy of this new house increases your desire to view it, tour it, analyze it, feel it.

When I am bothered by and focused on a cruddy conversation with a mean person, I reflect that in my face to E. She responds with tears, and rightfully so - what I am reflecting to her is anxiety and anger. When I tiptoed into her room tonight and was surprised by the joy and innocence of the precious gift God has given to me, I reflected that in my face back to E, and we laughed until we cried. What a reminder to me of how much my face affects those around me.

Jesus, when You said that we are to be a light to those around us, I think I'm realizing that what you meant is that we are to reflect the Light from its original source: You. When I spend time in the world, I begin to reflect the things of this world to those around me, things that are broken and shallow and hurtful. Draw me into You and lift my head up to Your Face, that I may see Your goodness and dwell in Your House. Restore my soul that I may shine Your Light to those around me. May my face reflect Your Glory, Lord, that those who see my face may be drawn toward the One who has set my feet to dancing and set my heart on fire!

Wine, Wool and the Honeycomb

I've been reading like crazy lately. Maybe it's due in part to the fact that I've realized there's a big gap between what I think I know and what I actually know; and reading what other people have discovered about God and about life helps bridge that gap a little. Maybe it's also due to the fact that my husband studies from the time we get E in bed until the time I put myself to bed, so otherwise I'm bored (and watching movies alone gets old fast).

We got a free book at Catalyst last week, Scouting the Divine, by Margaret Feinberg. In it, she illuminates the scripture references to shepherding, winemaking, farming and beekeeping by retelling her experiences of interviewing people who actually spend their lives loving and doing those things.

My favorite so far is her account of spending the weekend with a shepherdess, Lynne - who, interestingly enough did not claim to be a believer. She was open to discuss the parallels between scripture's account of Jesus Christ as the Shepherd of mankind and the actual job of leading real live sheep, but not intentionally from a Christian perspective. This was intriguing to me.

Below is an excerpt from the book, a passage that really marked me, as the author beckoned me to consider some of the things God was trying to communicate to us through using the title, the "Good Shepherd."

"The sun dipped below the fiery horizon, leaving a faint glow of rose and tangerine in the sky. Lynne and I sat in the field with the sheep. At one point, the smallest lamb, Swan, who had watched us all day, dared to break from her mother and head towards Lynne. The shepherd extended her palm, wiggled her fingers, and spoke the lamb's name. Swan hesitated and then came forward to experience the gentle touch of her shepherd for the first time.

Lynne withdrew her hand. Swan stepped forward, wanting more. With a swift one-armed move, Lynne grabbed the lamb and held her. Swan melted into her shepherd's arms.

'Once they respond to my beckoning I have them forever,' she said as Swan rested her tiny head in the palm of Lynne's hand.

Lynne sounded a lot like Someone I'd been reading about."

Welcome Back to Planet Earth

Last night, L and I had our first argument since our three-day excursion to ATL. At my parents house. I was, as usual in an argument, trying to explain why I thought I was actually right about this particular point.

Me: I don't think you understand what I am saying. (silence) Do you? (silence) L__, why are you ignoring me?
L: I'm not ignoring you, I simply don't have anything to say right now.
Me: (Um, that sounds like ignoring to me)
Me: Well, I'm trying to have a conversation, and it's not much of a conversation if you're not saying anything back.
L: Well, sorry. What do you want me to say?
Me: (Ugh! I don't want you to say what I want you to say. I want you to say what you are thinking!)
Me: (Be nice. Parents are listening. New tactic.)
Me: When you say "x", it makes me feel "y."
L: Well, I'm sorry. I don't mean it that way.
Me: (Duh.)
Me: But it makes me feel that way.
L: Well, I apologize. That's not what I meant, and I will try hard not to say that again.
Me: Thank you.
L: You're welcome.
Me: I forgive you.
L: Thanks. I forgive you too.
Me: (Forgive me for what!?! I didn't do anything.)
Me: (Be nice. Parents are still listening.)
Me: Thanks.

The Most Surprising Speaker

Though they are undoubtably spiritual giants of the faith, it is (just being honest, here) difficult to listen to the Billy Grahams, the R.C. Sprouls, the James Dobsons of this world sometimes. Their rhetoric, their vocabulary, and their rich history of faith sometimes creates as much of a moat as it does a bridge.

Each year, Catalyst gives out a Lifetime Achievement Award, and this year that award went to Chuck Swindoll. I was excited to link arms with this man of faith from an entirely different generation, but also not as excited as I was to hear from someone like Andy Stanley or Rob Bell.

But I was surprised by the depth of this man. Humble, articulate, funny, perceptive, personal, real, and - most shocking - very current. I'll bet he even knows how to Twitter. :)

One of the first things he said has surfaced to the top of all that I've learned from the past two days: "When God wants to do an impossible task, he takes an impossible person and crushes him." (Alan Redpath) What Chuck Swindoll went on to say to leaders, to parents, to ministers, to laypersons, to the successful, and to the famed is this: "I am so proud of you and all you are accomplishing and all you are doing. It is wonderful for you to be experiencing this kind of success, and this obvious blessing by God in your life. I just want to stand here before you today and remind you to leave room in you life for the crushing, for that is where God will do His best work in your heart."

And when thinking tonight about God's purposes for trials in my life, I was led to this:

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)

It's so awesome when God allows seasons of joy and blessing in our life, where we are able to sit under His wings and be reminded of our Jehovah Jireh. But on the flip side of the coin is a God that allows heartache, distress, floods, abandonment, hurt, death, destruction, and grief all for the purpose of cultivating in us a heart more like that of our Savior Jesus Christ - a heart that is focused on His Co-mission: Loving God and Loving others the way He teaches us to during those trials.

Where You Go I Will Go

My cousin, K, married her best friend today. It was probably one of the sweetest, most natural movements into holy matrimony I've ever witnessed. My dad performed the wedding, and honestly wowed us all with the way he allowed the Lord to speak through him and bless the couple coming before God's Throne. One of the best memories of this day will always be the perfect weather that we had in spite of the forecasts for a full day of rain.

I was especially touched by the closing vows my dad recited with the bride and groom, first uttered by a desperate Ruth who was cleaving tightly to her mother-in-law after the recent death of her young husband:

"For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there will I be buried. May the Lord do so to me and more also if anything but death parts me from you." (Ruth 1:16-17)

Fasten Your Seatbelts

I feel like I've been drinking from a fire hydrant for the past two days, and my brain is utterly wasted.

I realized I was not alone in this sentiment at exactly 2pm this afternoon when Louie Giglio said, and I quote, "Everything in life...EVERYTHING...is about Jesus Christ." And what should have made 13,000 Christian leaders jump to their feet screaming "Hallelujah" got a delayed round of applause from about 25 coffee-drinkers (the only ones with enough caffeine in them to still be able to focus).

I've got a lot of processing and unpacking to do over the next several days, but I just can't possibly start tonight. I can only say that I am so thankful to have sat at the feet of some of the sages of our day, gleaning from the Truths they are able and willing to articulate so beautifully.

For tonight, go to www.kiva.org/about and check out this awesome ministry to the poor - both here and abroad, founded by Jessica Jackley. You can assist someone in poverty with a loan as little as $25, with the promise that it will be paid back to you within 6 months. However, that tiny loan will allow a small entrepreneur to expand a respectable, self-sustaining business that will support his or her family in ways much larger than your dollar. A very cool concept that I now know is called "microfinance."

Catalyst 2009

L and I are in Atlanta for Catalyst 2009. My head and heart are swimming with the refreshing, reenergizing, motivating, humbling, incredible Truth being proclaimed about what God has to say in regards to being a part of His plan here on planet Earth.

Tonight was an awesome time of being reminded by Aaron Keys and Francis Chan Who Jesus is and what He has done for me. The takeaway from tonight has definitely been the reminder that the Enemy will do whatever he can to make Jesus unappealing to those who are looking in on my life wondering why I subscribe to the whole "Christianity" thing. Satan is in the business of filling my mind and my life with enough stress and anxiety and stuff to cover up the joy and grace I should be constantly feeling in the embrace of Jesus Christ (1 Peter 5:8). Instead, Jesus is calling me to come boldly, yet humbly, before His Throne, giving Him everything that loads me up and weighs me down, trusting Him - in the right time - to give me ALL grace, to restore me, to confirm me, to strengthen me, and to establish me (1 Peter 5:6-7,10-11).

What an incredible promise to rest in tonight!!

PJ Party

E had her very first PJ party last night!! My husband and I are in the mecca of the South - Atlanta - for a few days, and I arranged for E to spend the night with a little friend her age. In fact, R's mom and I were in the same Bradley childbirthing class together, and it's been fun to share the experiences of raising little girls with each other for the past two years.

I snapped a few pics yesterday when I dropped her off, but I could not get the internet to work at our hotel last night, so they're a little delayed. But the bonus is that now I know that the sleepover was fun, the girls did great, and all is well!

Refrigerator Art

I received today from my daughter the very first of what I am sure will be many years of refrigerator art. I am actually most impressed by the fact that she chose to color more than two seconds on the same piece of paper. Typically when I color with her, she considers a page to be "finished" after a couple of scribbles.

I used to think my mom was crazy for stockpiling years and years of "junk" from my childhood days forward. But now I'm starting to feel a little sentimental myself...

My Camera Came Home!

I dropped my camera about a month ago. :(

Shortly after that, I realized that I did actually do some damage to the lens, and it required servicing. So, I sent my camera off to be fixed, and have really really really missed it!! (By the way, a little "shout out" to my dad for being the hero of the day and speeding up the process)

Today it came home via UPS. Picture updates coming soon!

Twilight Review

So, I admitted in my post last night that, yes...I have subscribed to the recent fad in novels, The Twilight Series, by Stephenie Meyer. It's taken a while for me to organize my thoughts about them, but I think I'm finally ready to put it out there. Here I go...

I believe that we can look for the glory of God anywhere. He is able to shine His Light into any place at any time. As my husband has recently quoted from a book he is reading for Seminary, "God is the only One who is able to use sin sinlessly."

So even (and especially!) when I read a book like Twilight, I read with discernment. I enjoy the fiction, but I try not to miss any of the hidden messages that point to the glory of Christ or that might lead to the glory of man. As I read through this book, and even afterwards as I dialogued with other Christian friends - single friends, married friends, moms of teenagers - I realized that this could be a very dangerous piece of work.

It's not that I didn't enjoy it; rather, the problem is that I did. The greatest issue is not with the fact that the author is a professing Mormon, or that the book was filled with negative assumptions in regards to marriage; though these things are clearly opposing to my worldview. The problem is that the storyline - a tale of perfect mystical love - is so deeply captivating that it is easy, over the course of the four books, to "train" your heart to desire the kind of emotional satisfaction developed within the pages. When you leave the world of Edward and Bella, you might feel a kind of emptiness and longing that, if you believed was justified, you would begin searching for in your own life. And though God is ready and waiting, the book definitely doesn't lead you to search for Him as the answer to this longing.

I read this passage today, which summed up perfectly the danger that my heart was feeling in regards to this book. Again, I read Twilight, I think the author is truly gifted in her ability to capture her audience - and I might recommend it for someone who clearly understands the truth of the Word of God that only Jesus can satisfy - but it is definitely a thin rope to be walking on for anyone, myself included. Without going back often to the scriptures, without a husband that is leading me day by day to the foot of the cross, without a Jesus that fights every day for my love, I would still face these temptations myself!

Romans 1:22-26 (ESV)

"Claiming to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things. Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen. For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions."

Edward Cullen, Michael O'Brien, and My Husband

On the (great) advice of a trusted friend, I delved into the Twilight novels a few weeks ago. I am not a fan of fantasy/Sci-Fi, and consider most memories of high school to be nightmarish at best, so it was quite a leap for me just to read the first sentence. But I have to admit, I enjoyed the storyline and came away with many great thoughts for discussion, and I have prompted quite a few others (including my husband) to begin reading them.

Last night, as I was reading through Stephenie Meyer's (Twilight author) website, I came across some pretty heavy critics of her work. There are those, apparently, who have found that the book has inspired in them a new standard for romance, love, and how a man should treat a woman; even to the point where wives have filed for divorce and women have left long-standing relationships in search of what they truly "deserve." And as I was reading it, my heart began to break.

Tonight, my husband and I (on our weekly date night!) enjoyed a concert by the talented pianist/singer Michael O'Brien. Afterward, my husband and I were sipping coffee, and he mentioned something about wondering if I ever wished he were more like Michael O'Brien, able to play and sing beautiful songs about love. I laughed out loud and told him that I wanted just him - just the way he was, especially when he does a good job loving me, and even when he does a bad job. And it got me thinking once again about the Twilight books and the worldly standard for love.

And you know what? I am so thankful for a husband who "gets it." Hear me out, ladies - I love my man...but he is not always perfect. However, no matter what, I know that he strives to love me like Christ loved the church, not like Edward loved Bella, not like the love songs Michael O'Brien sings to his wife, not like my dad loves my mom, not like his buddies love their wives. My man is focused on the one example that will never ever lead him astray. Because of that, I am secure. I can know that even when he doesn't quite make it to second base, I realize he was aiming for the spotlights all along. When he attempts to be Bob-the-Builder and instead has to run out last minute for a bottle of Draino, it was all done with an amazing heart of service. When he leaves me a sappy sweet note on the bathroom mirror with all sorts of typos and missing words, it was written with a heart of 100% gold. When it's all done with the goal of being like Christ, how could I ever want anything more?!?

Ephesians 5:25-28 (The Message)

Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They're really doing themselves a favor—since they're already "one" in marriage.

The Purple Dinosaur

E is really into (gasp!) Barney right now. The extra-large talking purple dinosaur is not my first pick for a TV show, but it certainly rates higher than some of the other ADHD-inducing children's shows that are out there these days.

E certainly seems to like him. And I will admit, I've learned to appreciate the fact that she is learning songs, colors, feelings, numbers, animals and many other appropriately-educational concepts that we get to carry over into our playtime together.

Take for instance, the 45 min-long car ride today that was filled from start to finish with rounds of, "Row, Row, Row Your Boat," "You are Special," "Do Your Ears Hang Low," and other silly songs that bring out the biggest grin imaginable on that sweet little face. Even when it's Barney-inspired, there's no doubt that God gave her the sweetest little smile and one of the best laughs ever.

And, oh...the fun memories we will get to share with her and her teenage boyfriend one day about the times when she couldn't get enough of the "I Love You" song. You see, folks, even Barney comes back full circle. :)

I'd Like a Dirty Diaper with a Side of Humility, Please

I bumped into a college friend and his wife tonight who are expecting their first, and are getting ready to find out the sex of the baby within the next month. They were so cute - so bubbly and excited about being pregnant, wondering about girl or boy, looking forward to the stages of babyhood, etc.

All I could say to them is, "You're going to love it. Being a mom is one of the best things in the whole world." Which is definitely 100% true. What is nearly impossible to communicate, though, is just how humbling and life-changing being a parent is. That God's plan for parents is just as much about making us holy as it is about raising the children He gave us in the way He desires.

Today I did one of those things that I swore to myself I'd never do as a parent. E asked for something, I said no and began to offer an alternative, she started to whine, and - because we were in a restaurant with other people - I quickly gave in to her request...before I even realized what I was doing. It was SO EASY to just give in so that we didn't cause a scene. I caught - out of the corner of my eye - someone who'd witnessed the scene as they turned to the person to the side, noting the double-standards they'd just seen me portray to my child. And I wanted to crawl under the table and die.

We all have our moments, I guess. Our moments of weakness, our moments of inconsistency, our moments of airheadedness, our moments where we want to crawl under the table and die. Fortunately, though - God doesn't depend on our perfection in order to carry out His perfect plan for our children. In fact, if we allow Him, He uses our flaws to point to Jesus Christ, the Author and Finisher of our children's faith. Our humility in times of mistakes can allow for the grace of the cross to sweep in and flood our children's hearts, even if our mistakes cause them pain. How 'bout that!?!?!

God in a Box

We're finite beings, so it is absolutely totally against our human nature to conceive of an infinite God. We simply cannot fully grasp that quality of his nature. If, at any given moment we are able to define and control "infinite," then either "infinite" would cease to exist and become irreversably "finite" or we would become God because of our all-knowingness. It's a concept that's been swimming around in my brain for a while: infinite-ness is one of those characteristics of God that shadows the full image of God.

So though it should be ridiculous to even consider placing an infinite God in a humanly-conceived box, we still do it - dare I say we must do it. We can't help it - and God knows and accepts us even in that. Some people's boxes may be a little smaller than others, or have different exceptions than others, but everybody perceives God, at least at some point in their lives, with limitations. Whether they do this on purpose or because of ignorance may be the only distinction.

I realized today that I was limiting God in my own ways. I'm a Martha-hearted girl in many areas; doing comes much more naturally than being. When I see or define a goal in my personal or professional life, I am much more inclined to lay out the steps needed to achieve that goal and then start checking them off the list than I am to simply lay it at the foot of the cross and trust God to move on my behalf in a way that would bring Him the most glory.

Today, God - like the ultimate chess player that He is - decided to move His "castle" instead of the "pawn" that I was expecting/anticipating. I had to take a step back in absolute awe of how incredibly inconceivable his workings are, and how much he truly cares for me and is moving on my behalf right now, not to mention how much more control He has than I had imagined in my little "box" that I had built around him. Now that box is stretched a little bit more in that area, and the God that I know and love today is a little bigger today in my finite head than He was yesterday. He is always and forever the infinite God who sits on the Throne in Heaven; just because my vantage point is limited by my humanity doesn't change that. But praise Him that He cares enough for me to allow me each day a bigger glimpse of that glory, even with my limitations!!