Sometimes it really feels like parenting is a glorious extension of marriage, something that my husband and I are so blessed to endeavor upon together. Other days it feels like both sides (married life & parenthood) are wearing boxing gloves and are just straight up going at it, like two toddlers fighting over a precious toy.
It's easy to get wrapped up in "mom-hood," and just let the role of wife slip off into the deep blue somewhere. It's easy because I compare the immediately present and simple needs of a one-year-old against the more complicated needs of a full-grown adult male, who "should be" perfectly capable of grooming and feeding himself on most days. It turns me into quite the hypocrite many days, when I find myself at the sink, washing E's dishes without the first thought, then grumbling as I clean my husband's breakfast plates.
Why do I do this? Why is it easier to clean up E's dirty diapers than it is to pick up my husband's smelly socks? Why am I so easily inclined to prepare three square meals a day for E but give mental push-back at the thought of preparing dinner every night?
Every single reason that I can think of boils down to this: the Enemy HATES marriage. He will do everything he possibly can to prevent, destroy and bring deception into the marriage. That's why some days it feels like loving my child takes energy away from loving my husband, why it feels like after a day with her, "I have nothing left to give." That's why some days it literally feels like being a great mom means being a horrible wife. We are so much more at risk of finding fault in an equal, and our Enemy knows this, so instead of attacking the parent-child relationship, he attacks the easier, more susceptible one, the path of least resistance.
From an eternal perspective, though, the best thing I can ever give to E is a strong, secure marriage. Her assurance that her daddy loves her mommy and vice-versa will lead her into an assurance of our love for her, her Father's love for her, and one day her own husband's love for her. It is THE crucial building block for a lifetime knowledge of her true identity in Christ. Even more, it's the one model of Christ's love for the church that God gives to us in this earthly life, a living example of the sacrifice that He was willing to make on our behalf. My marriage is intended to be her best living, earthly example of the love of Christ.
Lord, help! Sometimes I fall so short of loving and respecting and submitting to my husband the way that you intended me to. I know that it is not truly possible to benefit E by sacrificing my marriage "in order to be a better mom." Continue to convict me when I place her desires before the desires of my husband, and help me to discern the times when I am able to strengthen her love for You by choosing him first (as backward as that may sound to my human mind). Thank you for the husband that You have given to me, and for the extravagant ways in which he loves me like You love Your Bride.
I too have had the same struggle. At times I would feel guilty if I would want to be alone with my husband. And than someone said something to me that has stuck...God gave me my husband FIRST, and then He gave me our children.
ReplyDeleteI tend to fall on the side that says our babies need us more than our spouses do in terms of their sheer helplessness. I take it with a good dose of "this too shall pass" when the little ones are high-maintenance; we know this because it did with our 4 year old, and so we know it will with our 18 month old. Since we utilize a highly-attached parenting style, I have to remember that I am living out my covenant vows to my wife when I feel like the janitor or hired help, doing all sorts of stuff around the house while she is dedicating time to the little ones. It was hard with our first, it was less hard with our second. It may be even less hard if another one comes along (and as good Catholics we certainly aren't ruling out that possibility.)
ReplyDeleteI just want to say i love you and you forever impact the life that is in front of me. I know at times i want to say, "God it's not fair that my sister go through these trials first and i get the benefit of her wisdom"...but i'm learning to believe that He truly is fairest among ten thousand. I really do hope to see you soon.
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