He Makes Me Laugh

One of the best things about marrying the man I did was that I get to laugh...a lot. I'm certain this was one of the most strategic moves God made in putting the two of us together - he certainly knew that I would need a lot of joy sprinkled throughout my day. Sometimes he's goofy on purpose. Sometimes he's just goofy. Most days he's both. :)

Today as we were on our way home from visiting family over the weekend, I asked if we could make a quick stop into David's Bridal so that I could order my bridesmaids dress for my brother's wedding this coming summer.

L: How long do you think that will take?

Me: Oh, hopefully not too long. I just need to tell them I want a size 10 and pay for it.

L: Well, don't they need to measure you or something so you can make sure it's the right size?

Me: Ah, I'm hoping they won't make me do that - I'm sure a 10 will work. (Note: What woman doesn't hate getting measured?)

L: Well, what if it's the wrong size and doesn't fit? I mean, what if it's too small...I mean, too big...I mean...well, whatever size that means you're not fat.

Me: (Laughing hysterically) You mean, "What if the dress is too big?"

L: Yes. That one. What if the dress is too big?

Me: (Still laughing hysterically) I'll just have it altered.

L: Stop laughing. You knew what I meant.

Me: Of course I knew what you meant. (If I didn't, I would've socked you!)

The Honest Truth

I've been gone from the blogger world for a while. Since Thanksgiving to be exact.

Part of it (a small part of it, if I'm honest) is that I've just been BUSY. Too busy. But that's a story for another day. Another part of it (most of it, really) is that I've been wrestling with God on some pretty deep relational stuff. Stuff that's affected the core of who I am. Stuff that has made me question who He has made me to be, who He wants me to be, and the path He has me on at this exact moment. My incredible husband has been with me every step of the way, even when I went for about a week straight acting like a complete and total jerk to him every chance I had. It's difficult to write about something that turns your world upside down when you're still trying to figure out how to get everything right-side up again.

Hence...the sabbatical. Trust me, you didn't want to hear my thoughts anyway. Just ask my husband - he only got the tip of the iceberg, but I think it was more than enough for him. I remember repeating over and over again in my head the words I remember my mom telling me as a kid, "J, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." There's wisdom in that warning, you know.

The first time I felt like writing (and talking nicely) again was Friday, December 11th. Since then, I truly have been so busy with preparing for the inauguration of Santa and our family Christmases that I have fallen, nearly-comatose, into bed each night. Tonight, even though it's well past midnight, I felt driven to begin again, which was a feeling I decided not to ignore. Maybe tomorrow, I will be able to get to some pics from the past few weeks.

Though the break was nice, I am ready to be back and thankful that God has once again brought me through the fire and on to the other side, purified for His glory and equipped for His purpose. Onward!

Columbus Was Onto Something...

I can easily see how Columbus thought the earth was square. There are just sometimes when it is absolutely way too easy to simply "fall off the face of the earth," the past few days being case in point.

We are doing really well, just trying to keep our heads above water as L crams in the last month of studies for his first round of grad school classes, we get decorated for Christmas, prepared for birthdays, holidays and other celebrations galore that occur every December.

I will have pics and backdated posts up soon (our tree went up tonight, and I got a sweet shot of E hanging her first ornament ever on the tree!!)...as soon as I can catch my breath, that is. As for tonight, I have about 40 paper cuts in my tongue and a cramp in my right hand from working on Christmas cards, so I am going to call it and get some shut-eye.

A Few Moments of Thankfulness

1. Freedom to Worship. Through the sacrifice of many men and women who are serving this country and God, I am able to wake up every morning and with little-to-no persecution (relatively speaking) serve the God that I believe has died for me. Thank you to each and every one of you who has sacrificed to give me such an amazing and undeserved gift.

2.Family and Friends. Between incredible parents, awesome siblings, an amazing husband, a joyful daughter, sweet in-laws, wonderful friends, I really have an awesome support system and community.

3. A Home. Even though our house didn’t sell in the past six months on the market, and we weren’t able to make the move we were hoping for, I am certain that God has us exactly where He wants us. I am looking forward to growing within our little home and seeing God do amazing things within the four walls he has placed us for this time.

4. My Job. I have an amazing job doing things that make my heart come alive, working with people that truly inspire me to seek after Christ and be more like Him every day. I have so much respect and admiration for Truett Cathy and his obedience to the will of God. Our world is truly better because of this great man.

5. Food to eat. Thanksgiving with the Morgans/Styles is unbelievable. And after that, I still get to go home to a pantry and refrigerator stocked with the things that we need. What an incredible blessing.

Introducing: Disney Princesses

As we’ve broken into the full-length feature Disney/animation movies, I’ve been intentionally shying away from the ones with a “Princess” theme. Now, don’t get me wrong, I loved these movies as a girl (and still do), but I don’t know...I guess I just don’t want these movies to be the first influence over E’s heart and mind about what a princess “really is.” She’s already asking questions to her daddy like, “Am I cute?” and making comments about things being “pretty,” so I’m already feeling a few steps behind in the way of leading her to see beauty from a Godly perspective. Disney Princesses are surely not going to be helpful in supporting that kind of biblical worldview.

Nevertheless, her daddy inadvertently asked her if she wanted to watch “Beauty and the Beast” the other day, as it was on top of a stack of movies at the cabin. (He's now forgiven). I glanced his way and gave him the one-eyebrow raise as if to say, “Are you really sure you want to do this now?” But she’d already said “yes,” and since it has been offered, we decided to let it play out.

She, of course, loved the animation, loved the songs, loved every aspect. UNTIL the Beast appeared on the scene. I’d forgotten that in order to have a beauty to be rescued, there must be a villain inspired into plot. And though the Beast is certainly redeemed in the end, he is clearly very frightening in the beginning. So, after about thirty seconds of watching the Beast, E turned to me and, in the tiniest little voice, said, “Mama, Care Bears?” At which point I breathed a sigh of relief and said, “Absolutely, dear. Care Bears is a great choice.”

Saved by the villain this time. :)

Closer Than You Think

Less than 24 hours after L got back from Egypt, we were in the car and on the way to spend Thanksgiving at my parents’ new cabin. E was fast asleep in the backseat, and we were cruising along when we came upon an accident that had probably happened only mere minutes prior to our arrival. A really bad one. There were cars spread to the sides of the road and plenty of people on the scene, and it didn’t appear that they needed any help. We were at a crossroads and able to easily do a U-turn and find another route. But something kept us glued there. We said nothing. I prayed and prayed as I watched a team of five young guys pull another young man through the drivers side window of a decimated Rodeo. And still we sat there.

I’m not sure how long it took us to actually turn the car around. When we did, though, I noticed a sign in front of the church on top of the hill right where the accident occured: “ETERNITY IS CLOSER THAN YOU THINK.” Now, as a rule, I really am not a fan of church signs. In most cases, I think they repel more people than they attract. But I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to shake the poignancy of that sign, the realness of the whole scene, the unknown futures of those sitting at the bottom of that hill.

Few things could have left L and I silent after a week and a half of no communication, but that was one of them. We drove in total silence for over fifteen minutes. When he finally did speak, it was in remembrance of “Shannon,” a story for another day that has left a mark in our history.

Without foreshadowing doom, Eternity really is closer than we think. And there is only One answer to what is waiting for us after this life here on Earth, and that is the Judgment of the One True and Holy God. And the everlasting grace and mercy that is ours if we only believe in the life sacrifice of His One and Only Son, Jesus Christ, who was fully God and then submitted to the Father to come to Earth as fully human in the form of a baby, growing up perfectly obedient to His Father’s Will, and through that obedience dying on the cross for our sins, and then three days later being raised from the dead by the awesome power of our God, so that anyone who believes in Him shall be judged righteous on the day “Eternity” begins for us.

“For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him, will not perish but have everlasting life.” -John 3:16

Together Again

After nine L-O-N-G days with little-to-no communication with my husband due to the inaccessibility of internet and very little down time, I now have a very direct, face-to-face line of communication with him again!!

E and I have been talking all day about her daddy being in an airplane, but if you asked here where her daddy was, "Work," was the only answer you'd get. (That's the place she always says he is if he isn't home.) The moment she spotted him at the airport, she let out a huge squeal, "DAAAADDYYY!" and ran to give him a big hug. And silly me left my camera in the car!

She almost couldn't keep herself from talking the whole way home. Several times I had to ask her to be quiet for a minute so mommy and daddy could talk (up until that point, she kept getting louder and louder in order to be able to be heard over our conversation).

God was so good to us while we were apart - he sustained us and kept me unusually busy enough that it was difficult to find time to think about how much I missed him. And because of the timing of it all, we are going to be able to spend the majority of this Thanksgiving week foregoing work and reconnecting as a family again.

Thank you, Lord, for bringing my husband and E's daddy back home to us safely and for providing for our every need and many of our wants during the time he was away!! Thank you for amazing family and friends who loved on us and supported us through this past week (ou know who you are!!), and for providing us with a Thanksgiving break that will allow us to recoup and reconnect. And most of all - thank you for doing all these things for us in order to draw us nearer to you and teach us to trust you in good times and in bad times. To say you are good doesn't even scratch the surface, but it's simple enough for my human mind to comprehend, with the hope that you know my heart's prayer of gratitude for the way you measure out extravagant blessings on our family.

Me and My Big Mouth

tact'ful-ness n.: 1. consideration in dealing with others and avoiding giving offence; 2. a gifting that I apparently lack

My husband (and my dad, for that matter) could look directly into another persons eyes and tell them they were the meanest person with the most rotten attitude and uneven ears and they would tear up, hug them and thank them for being so awesomely genuine and loving them as a person. It's an unbelievably wonderful gift...that I do not have.

Now, seriously, they would never say exactly those things, but God has truly given these men of my life a way with the spoken word. In the face of an opportunity to share what's on my heart, I find myself often making excuses before the burning bush just like Moses once did, "But...um, God? Don't you remember that I don't speak well at all?"

So it happened again tonight - one of those "Moses Moments." I opened my mouth at the wrong time in the wrong place and apparently said the wrong words. Three strikes and I'm out. I totally offended a friend of mine (unbeknownst to me at the time), and I'm praying tonight for grace to cover my multitude of sins and wisdom to figure out where to go from here. One thing's for sure: this handicap of mine definitely forces humility on me (and makes me ever-so-thankful for my incredible husband).

And...as if humility weren't enough, God so graciously provided some conviction as well (this was waiting for me when I got home tonight as part of my daily reading):

"A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything—or destroy it! It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire. A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that. By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell. " James 3:3-6 (The Message)

Warm Welcome

Tonight I drove to my parents house to see E for the first time in FIVE days. I was prepared for the worst - i.e., hiding from me, crying because my coming meant Nana and PopPop leaving, etc., etc. That day is coming, so I just wanna be sure I'm as prepared as possible for it.

However, today was not that day. Tonight as I walked in the door and turned the corner, E broke into a huge grin, opened up her arms, and started yelling..."In.....DI....AAAANNNNNNAAAA!! INDIANA!! INDIANA!!! IIINNNNDDIIIIAAAAAANNNNAAAA!!!" Jumping up and down, bouncing all over the room, she was so excited about seeing her long lost friend that she forgot to notice her mama standing right there. It was a whole 90 seconds before I even got a glance. Had to beg for a half-hearted hug and kiss.

And I have to admit...as much I as would have loved a trumpet fanfare at my arrival, I so enjoyed watching her take delight in the 100-lb puppy that smacks her around all day every day. He's caused quite a tear or two in our house, as he sometimes forgets how to manage his bulk around her, but he's made a forever-impact on our hearts. Not ten minutes later, she was perched on top of him eating a cracker and watching Barney as he lay soldier-still on the floor. Why can't dogs have the lifetime of a human??

Lay ME Down

L has been in Egypt now for six days. He has tried and tried in vain to establish an internet connection so that we could converse via Skype. Though I can receive his texts, he can't receive mine, so we've had kind of a one-sided conversation since he left. Every little bit helps though.

Thinking about the physical distance that has separated us for this short time, I am reminded of some of my favorite Sandra McCracken lyrics, from a song she penned after long stretches of being apart from her husband; words that resonate with how I feel often times when L and I are apart:

All the miles between us
they say that’s just the way it goes
time is no friend to lovers
stretched like the line that hangs the clothes
but we walk the distance another day
the rope is thin but does not give way

And I can hear the band of angels singing now
like a story from the page is read aloud
but this is not make believe...

I’d rather have the mystery and the madness and the rains
cause hell’s the only place you can be free of all love’s pain

I have no claim on the future
so here I lay me down
and God is a friend to lovers
he makes the bone, the flesh, the ground
and he walks with us, make no mistake
and holds us when our hearts, they break

So, here I lay ME down. ME and all my wishes for that warm spot to return to my bed (the one that doesn't shed, anyway). ME and all my desires to share my day-to-day experiences with my soulmate. ME and all my desires to have a co-laborer to cook dinner, wash dishes, do laundry, and rake leaves. ME and all my desires to be wrapped up into the arms of the one I love at this very moment. Here I lay ME down, knowing that God is walking with me, purposing these moments, and providing for my every need.

Brain-Power: Exhausted

My husband is in Egypt, my child with her Nana and PopPop. And I? Apart from spending too many hours at work, I am also getting to all those things that have been on "backorder" on my to-do list for...well, TOO long to admit out-right.

Since my brain isn't really running on all four cylinders tonight, I'll leave you with some humor. Enjoy!

Tale Of Two Brains - The best free videos are right here

Ugh. Technology.

I'm going to take a minute to rant about something totally insignificant from a kingdom perspective, but that totally pervades the temporary: my cell phone.

I'm a "Blackberry" girl - granted, only until iPhone goes to Verizon. Got one a year ago when I started a new job, and haven't looked back. It's annoyingly convenient to be able to take your digital "life" with you wherever you go.

Yesterday, though, my phone's keypad totally went out - in the middle of the day, with no warning. Mind you - this phone has been dropped, kicked, chewed on, tossed, dropped, squeezed, dropped, rained on, dropped...and did I mention, dropped? It's a phone. I have a two-year-old. Case closed.

But despite all of the trauma it's faced, it has continued to work faithfully. Until yesterday, at which point it had apparently gathered the support of my entire keypad, and everybody went on strike.

This would have been incredibly frustrating on a normal day. When your husband is in Egypt, you're planning to go out of town in the morning, your child will be with your mom, your dog with a friend, and a dinner date with some friends who don't know your phone isn't working...frustrating doesn't even come close. Adding insult to injury, I had to go by the Verizon store. Even worse was when the "customer service" lady on the opposite side of the counter, after commenting on how tired my child must be (because she's cried since we walked in the door), announces that in fact she cannot help me because I have obviously caused extensive damage to the phone and must therefore file an insurance claim instead. I cried with my tired child as we left the store empty-handed.

Thankfully, insurance was happy to help after I paid a $50 deductible (which to me is like paying a $4000 deductible on a car damage claim...totally ridiculous) and $20 to ship next-day so that MAYBE it would be delivered before I left to go out of town.

I'm so glad there won't be cell phones in heaven.

Hope Does Not Disappoint

We live in a world where over 50% of marriages end in divorce, no matter what circles you run in. It's sad and it's frustrating to accept the reality that, unless you stick your head in the sand, you WILL be faced with marriages in crisis. And if you DO stick your head in the sand, you'd probably better be prepared to accept that it could be yours. (In other words, NO ONE is immune)

My husband and I, over the past year, have walked this road with THREE couples that we know. We have cried innumerable tears over the betrayal, the pain, the loss, and the depths of despair they have faced. We have begged God for mercy, we have begged God for fresh wind, we have begged God to change the things only He can control. I am especially burdened for a new friend of mine that is walking this road as I type, and I am praying these words over her as I plead with God to give her and her husband HOPE for a future that is greater than they could possibly imagine:

Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. ~Romans 5:3-5

He has been and continues to be an exceedingly good and gracious God to our friends. He has healed, he has restored, and he has strengthened marriages each and every time. What the Enemy has meant for destruction, He has purposed from the very beginning of time for their good and His Glory, and it has been an unbelievable blessing to be able to watch God show off in our friend's lives in ways that can only be attributed to His Power and His Grace. I have no doubt that He will continue to be faithful, that He will continue to make His will known among His people, and that we will seek Him and find Him when we seek Him with all of our hearts. I have hope that He will not disappoint us, because of His unfailing love.

What an INCREDIBLE God we are free to love and know and serve!


**On that note, I cannot say enough wonderful words about my friends at WinShape Retreat/WinShape Marriage. They believe in a Great and Mighty God who desires to see each and every marriage healed, restored, and transformed so that we - husbands and wives - can bear the image of the intimacy and perfect love Jesus will one day lavish perfectly upon His Bride. Every year, my husband and I spend a weekend at Retreat, sharing in the experience of what WinShape has to offer...it is a truly extraordinary place.

SOOO Much Two-ness

E has been absolutely cracking me up lately with the things she is coming up with. Her little personality has always been so genuinely compliant and submissive, it's just shocking to see her beginning to test drive her own little will. Mind you, I love it - it's just that I'm having to rethink my game here. I used to be always one step ahead, but she's definitely stumped me a few times this week.

-Our one famous day of potty training was, well, a disaster. By the end of the day, we were both stressed and moody, and unable to cope with any additional demands that were made of us the rest of the day. We're taking a mini-hiatus while I regroup and consider what plan might work best for BOTH of us.

-Starting just recently, when I ask her a simple question with a relatively easy (yes or no) answer, instead of answering, she is glaring at me from the side and then rolling her eyes, as if to say, "Duh, mom. What d'ya think my answer would be to that question?" When I told my husband about it (and my dad, for that matter), they both answered, "Guess she's like her mama, isn't she?" *ouch*

-The other night, while over at a friend's house eating dinner, I was helping E get some food on her fork. Apparently this wasn't what she wanted, because she reached out and popped my arm with her hand, pointed her finger at me, and said, "No." I would've given everything in the world to have a picture of the way her daddy's face contorted at that moment. Priceless. Pretty sure she won't be trying that one again.

-Today on the way to church, I overheard her talking in the back seat: "Love you SOOO much, PopPop. Love you SOOOO much Nana. Love you SOOO much, Doggie...." Thinking I'd play with her, I started to offer so names. "SOOO much, Mama?" I tried. "NO! Love you SOOO much PopPop," she answered. Then, of course it became a game. Everyone but mama was loved SOOO much today. :)

Mixing Rocks Into Soil

It's my birthday. E sang the birthday song to me no less than nine times, a frequent reminder of the blessing of sharing this special day with my family. My husband made breakfast, we all went on a hike (it was an unbelievably gorgeous day), we had lunch downtown, my parents took me out to dinner, I ate cake TWICE, received tons of birthday messages and some incredible news via Facebook, got several very sweet and thoughtful gifts from my friends and my hubby...all in all, a really great day.

Yet, all the above activities were accompanied by sadness - in a small way - as my husband packed, drove to the airport, and departed for a 10-day missions excursion to Cairo, Egypt. As I write, he is on a plane crossing the Atlantic.

I am praying and praying that I will not miss out on the purposes God has for me during this time of physical separation from my husband. I know He is doing a work in my heart, and that this small part of the journey is important for Him to grow in me a deeper desire for and joy in Him alone, an opportunity for me to send my roots down deeper into the fertile soil of Life in Him.

As I pondered these things tonight, I was reminded of an illustration that the Bible alludes to several times in regards to the grapevine. If you ever spend some time with a good vintner, you will notice that, in some cases, he or she will plant rocks among the soil where a grapevine grows, in order to force the vine to run its roots deep into the ground, where it will be able to find the most nutrients and a more stable supply of water. Likewise, God plants "rocks" into the soil of our lives to stretch us, to grow us, to cause us to run our roots deeper and deeper into the wealth of His Being, where we will find the Living Water - the only Water that can truly heal and sustain our lives. What a loving God - who knows exactly how to tend to our souls and cultivate the fruit of the Spirit in our hearts, even when it is tough and sometimes hurtful in the process.

This is the kind of God that I want to get to know more during these next ten days. The kind of God who knows me so intimately that I can be sure He has purposed these days long before I was even born. The kind of God who is - I am certain - on the edge of His seat as He looks in anticipation at the new things I will discover about Him as I learn how to lean on His grace and His mercy over the next week. The only God who could, would, and will ever look at me and see nothing but righteousness and the glory of His Son over me, and because of that, love me fiercely and fight for me tirelessly.

---------------------------------

Some sweet memories from today:

My AWESOME birthday present from my rockin' husband

Playing with Indiana at the Reservoir

SHAKE!!!

L leaving for Cairo

Part of L's Cairo Team (minus E) :)

Birthday Cake

There's one requirement that I have for a birthday - something that, for me, "makes" a birthday. That one thing is a cake. Can be an ice cream cake, cookie cake, brownie cake, muffin cake, cheesecake, or regular yellow cake...it just has to be some kind of cake meant especially for me, for my birthday. So...the cake is kind of special to me.

Today while running errands, I went by my favorite local bakery to pick out my birthday cake, hoping they would have one of my all-time favorite cakes: German Chocolate. They did! I bought it, went back to the car balancing E on one hip and the cake in the other hand, and we loaded up and carried on with our errands.

Jumping back into the car after our next stop, I threw my bags carelessly into the passenger seat, realizing a moment too late that my cake was probably underneath those bags. Panicking, I grabbed the bags and searched for cake damage. Then I started searching for the cake. I could not find the cake. Though Indiana was in the car, I doubted he would have time to eat a whole cake and leave not a single crumb in less than 10 minutes, so I started to retrace my steps back to the bakery.

And it hit me. I had put the cake on top of the car when I loaded E into the seat. Surely I didn't drive off with it still on the car. As I passed by an intersection near the bakery (while back-tracking), there it was...chocolate cake and bakery box smeared across the highway. I had driven off with the cake on top of my car.

As a last-ditch effort (and because I had nothing to lose), I parked and went back into the bakery for the second time in 15 minutes, and started in on my sob story, laughing out loud at myself and how ridiculous it sounded. Not only did the bakery have an extra cake in the back, but they also packaged it up and gave it to me for free.

I know it's pretty trivial, but to me, I got two clear messages from God in that moment.
1) He is the giver of all good things. Instead of me buying my own birthday cake, by walking me through such a crazy half-hour, it turned out that God gave me a birthday cake instead. So much more meaningful, and reminded me that he cares for even the seemingly insignificant little things that put a song in my heart.
2) Slow down. For some reason, God keeps bringing up the story of the Tortoise and the Hare, reminding me that those who steadily work toward their goals are the ones who finish first and finish strong. This lesson is permeating my personal life and my work life, reminding me over and over again to keep pressing forward one step at a time. By moving at Hare-speed, I am leaving things unfinished and vulnerable to destruction. Thankfully for us, God is ready and waiting to give us a brand new "cake" even when, by our own design, we have destroyed the first one.

In One Morning...

In one morning, E has successfully pottied on the rug, on a friend, on the couch, on the rocking chair, on our toys, on her little stuffed "doggie," on the real dog, in the high chair, on mommy...

...and in the potty chair 6 times!!

(It's sounds a little like a Dr. Seuss book, doesn't it?)

Let the Games Begin

Tonight we did a little "test run" for the potty training that will begin at dawn tomorrow. In 30 minutes, we had three melt-downs and changed clothes four times. We finally ended with a warm bath, a little bit of a movie, a few books, and then bedtime.

So......I'm adding a new prayer to the list for L's trip to Egypt: that I will be able to keep my sanity during the throes of potty training.

Pretty, Pretty Princess...or Not?

Today on the way to the sitter's house, E asked to hold my keys. Because we were in an enclosed space in which I could pretty well trust she wouldn't be able to lose them (a whole different story), I obliged. Only a few seconds later, she handed them back to me, apparently finished.

I drove on, already at work in my mind, thinking of emails and conversations and deadlines, when I heard E from the back seat:

"Pretty. Pretty, mama. Pretty."

I turned the rear-view mirror so I could take a glance, and found that she had snagged my flash drive from its soft case attached to my keys in the few seconds she'd had them before. I looked back just in time to see her pull off the top, lift it to her mouth, and begin pretending she was putting on lipstick. Oh dear.

Fast forward to this afternoon when I stopped by my husband's frisbee team practice. E came running to me, huge grin on her face, laughing hysterically. I didn't really know what was so funny until I took a closer look. Mud...smeared all over her face, all down the front of her pants. Now, down the front of the pants is understandable for a toddler who is still rather clumsy. But her face? Right about that time, my husband walked over to me and caught me studying the red clay caked on her nose. "Yeah," he said, "That's because she was eating dirt again." Eating dirt? Again?!?

Oh well. At least we know she's well-balanced.

Exactly

“God is not a belief to which you give your assent. God becomes a reality whom you know intimately, meet everyday, one whose strength becomes your strength, whose love, your love. Live this life of the presence of God long enough and when someone asks you, “Do you believe there is a God?” you may find yourself answering, “No, I do not believe there is a God. I know there is a God.”

~Ernest Boyer, Jr.

Praying for Cairo

Last night I went to a prayer meeting for a team of men and women who will be going on a missions trip to Cairo, Egypt next week - a team that includes my husband.

L has traveled quite a bit in our five years of marriage, both nationally and internationally, so I'm already praying about a few major things that affect us each time he's gone:

1 - Our little one. Though I'm getting more used to the feeling of doing life without his physical presence for a few days, she is (I think) going to miss him more than she ever has. She is really starting to develop a sweet relationship with her daddy, and has learned that he is the giver of life in regards to playing, laughing, and being silly together. And because she thrives on those things, it's going to be tough to not have him around for twelve days.

2 - A spirit of humility. It's tough to submit to the fact that, for twelve days, God has designed that there are more important places for my husband and E's daddy to be than home with us. We need him here, we want him here - he is vitally important to our home. So it's difficult to submit to God and allow my husband to serve others instead of us for a brief time. (It sounds horribly selfish to say, doesn't it? Oh well...it's the honest truth).

3 - A spirit of dependence. This is probably the biggest one for me. A true Type-A, it's easy for me to take control. When L is gone for an extended period of time, its easier to take control of his responsibilities and do it all myself than it is to lean on God and others and allow them to minister to me during his absence. What this effectively does is work L out of a job as a husband and a daddy (because I'm doing it all and therefore do not need his help), and makes it really tough for us to come back together as a team once he is home.

These are a few of the things that a sweet team of prayer warriors prayed over L and his team last night. Among the many other things were for God to do a mighty work in the hearts of the team members and those they are going to serve, for safe and efficient travels, and for peace and trust in times that things don't go as planned. These things I am lifting up to a mighty God Who goes before us and makes a way for his people, a loving God Who desires that the world may know Him, a good God who knows and provides for our every need even before we know it ourselves.

The First Year

Whenever my husband or I tell our story to another couple, we always reminisce about the first year - so far, the hardest year of our marriage.

There wasn't much of a "honeymoon phase" to our marriage. From day one, I had a load of expectations that I dumped on my husband, things that either my dad or other "great men" in my life had done for their wives. When he did the things that I expected him to do, I rarely thanked him (much less threw him a party), because those were the things that he was "supposed" to be doing, right? I remember several conversations that went to the tune of this:

L: "Hey babe, did you notice that I loaded the dishwasher for you?"

Me: "Um, yeah. Did you notice that I loaded it every day for the past eight days?"

I had really poor communication skills, and he wanted to talk about EVERYTHING. I was working full-time, playing more or less the role of the "breadwinner" while he finished his senior year of college. I came from a traditional family; he had stepfamilies and half-brothers. In a group setting, he wants to make sure everybody's having a good time; in a group setting, I want to make sure everybody's doing what they are supposed to be doing.

We spent the three years building up to marriage finding out how similar we were, and the whole first year and a half of marriage finding out how different we were. It was quite a ride.

I wouldn't trade that year for anything. It was the worst year of our marriage, and yet prepared us for everything we've faced since that time. I love that our God knew what we needed, even when it felt like he was against us on all sides.

We Are The Champions

Roma Ultima

Yesterday we traveled a looooong six and a half hours in the car so that daddy could play in a frisbee tournament this weekend - his first ever!

Today was an equally long, but very fun day. E was by far the dirtiest person on the field by the end, and made quite a team mascot.

The count at the end of day one is 3 wins and 1 loss, with great hopes for being in the final championship game tomorrow!

Some of the day's best shots (from our perspective, anyway!):

On the Road Again

Every year I say the same thing: "We are not going to be as busy this year as we were last year." Every year the same thing happens: We are as busy as (if not busier) than we were last year. It's a total conundrum. I feel like I am saying "no" to more things than I ever have. I feel like I am saying "yes" to things that really matter. I am trying to be sure that I make time for myself (and have consequently started working out again at 5:30am after about a month-long break). I am trying to give my husband the opportunity to go be a guy when he needs it as well. I am trying to make sure that we somehow squeeze in some quality time to be a family in the midst of all the other things I'm trying to do.

And it hit me this past week that between September 19th and December 31st, we are going to spend exactly ONE full weekend as a family in our own home. That is totally unacceptable, but unfortunately, our fault. We are cutting things left and right to be able to carve out these precious times that we will never get back. We are apologizing to people and backing out of commitments that we had previously made. It feels (sometimes) like I am a horrible friend to the people that I love because I am unable to commit to fun things like showers and birthday parties and hanging out on the weekends.

This weekend, E and I are going to watch her daddy play in an Ultimate Frisbee tournament for his first time ever. I am hoping for it to be some quality time with each other and with some great friends of ours. I am praying that God will grant us rest and rejuvenation in the midst of being on the road yet again for the fifth weekend in a row. I am also looking forward to recommitting to a year of even more intentionality in 2010, as my husband and I continue to evaluate our priorities and the "stuff" we are involved in!

Instant Gratification

We kick-started our Family Times tool today with a little note that I stuck in E's lunch bag. Like I said yesterday, I really have no expectations for how much she is going to glean from these things right now- the point for me is mostly to go ahead and begin habits that she grows into, and to not wait until she's already formed habits of her own that don't allow for opportunities to reflect on God's providence and provision for our lives.

But on the way home tonight from dinner, I heard these little words coming from the back seat,

"Mommy, I s-h-a-r-e with Bo. S-h-a-r-e. Special. Share with Bo. Sweet. Share, sweet."

And about halfway through agreeing with her that, yes, sharing with Bo was really sweet - it hit me. The note. Why didn't I start this the first day she was alive?!?!

Family Times

E is - *sniff* - getting a little bit older every day. Though I LOVE to see the growth in her, it's almost like drinking water from a fire hydrant right now...she is changing so rapidly it's hard to keep up. Whereas three months ago she had barely broken English (and lots of Chinese), she is now starting to speak in completely intelligible sentences. Three months ago she was slurping apple sauce from her fingers at the dinner table; tonight she refused to eat without a fork. We've gone from choking on apples (no matter how small) to eating chopped pieces without peeling to eating slices with the peeling to eating straight off the tree and now back to demanding pieces without peeling because she's decided she "prefers" it that way. She potties in the toilet on command (leaving this mama with no choice other than to suck it up and delve into the world of potty training before I miss my glorious window of opportunity).

All this surge of understanding has prompted me to once again raise the bar for how intentional we are being about sharing Jesus with E. Though she's probably not quite yet ready to grasp the full understanding of some of the things we'll talk about, I think we're ready to start having some dedicated "Family Time" to learn about some of the lessons the Bible has to teach us. Dr. Tripp calls it "Formative Instruction." I certainly am not suggesting that we are going to teach E that we only talk about Jesus at certain, structured times - that's not the goal at all. I'm just, as a first-time mom, trying to figure out what it all looks like for our family to get to know Jesus, with the help of some wisdom from other parents and spiritual leaders who have gone before me.

This month, we are starting with a tool called "Family Times," published by the reThink Group. There are certainly some things in it that are way beyond E's scope for understanding right now - but one thing for certain is that I don't ever want to underestimate how much she is capable of grasping about God. There are certain things included in the set - like note cards that you can write a little note on to send in your child's lunch or leave on their breakfast plate when you leave for work - that I wish I'd started last year even. It's never to early to let your child know how and why you think she is special.

One thing I hope never to forget, though, is that the command that God gives in Deuteronomy 6:6 is the precursor for the one He gives in 6:7. First is the need for me to hold his commands in my heart. If it's not my faith, then I can't give it or show it or live it for my children. They are certainly not going to want anything that I claim to believe in but don't choose to follow in my deeds. If the faith that I have isn't living and breathing before them, all the books and tools and curriculums I do to help them get to know Jesus and be a good person is only going to leave them spiritually dead.

Lord, thank you for the amazing grace you have given to me! Thank you for dying on the cross and saving me from the death that I deserved. Give me Your strength to live out each day by walking in Your love, under the watershed of Your grace. May the things that I strive to teach E about you only be bolstered by the life of faith that I live out before her, and in the places where I fail to meet up to Your holy standard, please help me to humble myself before her as Your grace shines through to meet her wholly and perfectly when I cannot.

The Star of the Show

As E creeps closer and closer to the big "2," her little personality is shining through more each day. It's amazing to see the ways in which she's like me, the ways in which she's like her daddy, and (the best part) the ways in which she's just E.

She's definitely an attention-seeker - of that I am certain. She has no problem breaking out a little white-girl dance in the middle of a highly public place; in fact, she did just that during a little playdate we had with a friend this morning. She's also becoming more and more aware of the camera, and on the way home last night began asking me to snap her picture while she made goofy poses in the back seat.

At the top of the list with white-girl-break-dancing is also karaoke; "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" is (appropriately) one of her favorites right now. My favorite line is, "Up above the world so high, Rocket diamond in the sky..."

The pictures and the video are from last night's movie-maker episode in the car seat. They're a little fuzzy, as all I had on me was my phone camera; but she was in rare form...a perfect time for capturing some candid memories, regardless of the quality.

Blessing Near Brasstown Bald

My parents finally did something this summer they've been wanting to do since they first met each other almost 30 years ago: they bought a house in the mountains on a lake. God's blessing over their lives, mixed with a downturn in the economy, gave them an opportunity for an incredibly sweet purchase in the North Georgia mountains, and we made our inaugural trip this weekend.

I am so blessed to have the parents I have. Not only have they passed down a spiritual legacy to the next generation, they are now also adding to that a physical legacy of a "resting place" - a place where friends and family can meet for many years to come.

Though it was a short visit, the weather was beautiful today, so we journeyed over to Brasstown Bald - just a short car ride away - to take in the view. It was well worth it! Because it was such a clear, beautiful day, you could see the skyscrapers in Atlanta off the south side of the tower. If you look closely in the last picture below, you can see the shadows of the big city in the background - towering over the mountains in front of it. The best part is that everything that man created in that city doesn't even compare to the beauty of God's natural creation in the rest of the picture!!

Halloween 2009

Despite the drizzling rain, we all enjoyed watching E's delight grow as she realized - for the first time ever - if you say "Trick or Treat" (on Halloween), people give you candy. To my dismay, she also figured out very quickly that if you let mama hold your candy, she eats the chocolate pieces when you aren't looking.

Posing with Indiana

Trick-or-Treating: Our Very First House

Downtown Halloween Candy Extravaganza

Enjoying our Spoils

Men Are From Mars

Yesterday was a tough day in our house. Through a long set of circumstances in which the details are irrelevant, I went to bed with the feeling that I was my husband's "second choice" that day - a feeling that topped off an otherwise already terrible day. During a long car ride together today, I opened up and tried to walk him through some choices that he made that I interpreted to mean that he was tired of hanging out with me and instead needed some "guy time" to kind of fill up.

I felt pretty dumb as I unpacked all of my insecurities in front of him. Though he probably knows me better than I even know myself, it still isn't all that fun to be gut-wrenchingly honest about my human insecurities. Worse still was the fact that all my assumptions were completely wrong. Once we started talking through it all, I soon found out that the choices that he made had nothing to do with how he felt about me and everything to do with the fact that he simply saw an opportunity to be a friend to one of his guys.

Oh, how different we women are from our men. And though it causes so much heartache sometimes, I always come back to something I read in a book by Gary Thomas (Sacred Marriage) a few years ago - something that sparked a revolution in the early years of our marriage. His question, in fact the entire premise of the book is this: "What if God intended marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?" Or, in other words, what if marriage was more about finding our pleasure in God than finding our pleasure in each other or ourselves?

And what if, by some miracle, I were actually able to take a step back during the middle of marital conflict and see that - from God's holy and righteous perspective - all this conflict is actually for my good? That I am suffering for the sake of God's ultimate purpose of cultivating love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control in my heart?

The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will receive a harvest if we do not give up. (Galatians 6:8-9, NIV)

Grandparents and a Two-Year-Old

It's been a week full of grandparenting around here! We travelled over the weekend to see grandparents in South Carolina, then on to grandparents and great grandparents in North Carolina. Lots of fun, lots of sweet sweet memories, and lots of "2"-ish behavior. LOTS of it.

Thanks to access to TV (a luxury we don't offer at home), E has developed a crush on Blue, the canine star of the preschool show, Blue's Clues. I have to admit that I am encouraging it a little, as I am about to need some heavy incentives for potty training, and Blue is much more tolerable for this mama than Barney or Dora (and conveniently available via YouTube). I'm also working in a little Veggie Tales on the side, but since I'm guessing that Veggie Tales underwear is a little harder to come by than Blue's Clues, I'm hoping that the enjoyment of maybe both will stick around.

Words are beginning to morph into real phrases - not just the crazy jabber that we've heard up to this point. Some of my favorites from the weekend are most certainly, "Grandaddy, I want ice cream!" and "No way! Are you serious?" (a phrase she hears often from her daddy).

And, to my total embarrassment, she now points out the sign for Starbucks when we are driving down the road and says, "Coffee! Coffee, mama?" Yeah, that's nice...

A Seaman's Story

We spent some time on Monday morning with my husband's dad's dad (E's great-grandaddy Bost) and his wife, Jenny. When we went out for lunch, we somehow got on the topic of his history with the U.S. Navy during World War II, and I sat with a mouth open-wide as he told a story of how he - as an 18-year-old - not only survived a torpedo attack on the USS Donnell, a destroyer en route to Europe, but then also went on to join the forces in the attack on the beaches of Normandy.

At the time of the torpedo attack, he should have been asleep in his assigned bunk. Instead, he had traded bunks with another soldier that was on duty. If he had been in his assigned bunk, his life would have been taken along with the lives of the 29 other men that day. Instead, God had other plans.

He went back home after the war, back to his mom's house (who had signed a waiver for him to be able to join the Navy at the age of 17 at the time of the draft), back to his preacher to find out just why God had spared him his life that day. "I don't know why he chose to allow me to live that day," he said very candidly as we sat around the table.

Ohhhh...but I do Grandaddy Bost. I'm sure there's a million, but I've got living proof of one perfect little reason why God spared your life that day.

A Pumpkin Just My Size

Every year we carve pumpkins with the Bosts - L's dad, stepmom and brother, or now affectionately known as "Grandpa, Grandma, and Unca." E had a pumpkin that was just her size, and as it turned out, so did Indiana.

Time Flies By

I was thinking the other day that it just seems impossible how fast time has flown by this past year. Every time that E and I meet someone new, they always leave me with the same parting words: "Don't blink, because before you know it, she'll be headed off to college."

If the warp speed continues, I can easily see why they all say it.

I pull my video camera out every chance I get. I shoot pictures at every turn. I've even started blogging every little detail that I can manage to remember. And then I stumble across something like this, and I think...WAIT!!! That can't possibly be almost two years ago, can it?

A Traumatizing Event

I'm pretty sure I scarred my child for life today.

I picked her up from her sitter's house, with intentions of running a few errands with her that I thought she might enjoy. One of them, a first for her, was washing the car. I have fond memories of going through the car wash as a kid. I always thought it was pretty relaxing. I always wondered what it would be like to be standing outside of the car and feel the giant washcloths turn over you on both sides. I loved the scent of the car wax that always wafted through the air conditioning toward the end of the cycle. I remember thinking that the roof of the car would surely have permanent dents from the massive hair dryers at the end of the line. I assumed that E would feel the same way.

I assumed incorrectly. At the first sign of the huge, spinning brushes her face melted into a frown. When the giant washcloths appeared, the frown turned to anxiety. The sound of the jet-stream of water all around finally tipped her over into terror, and she started to cry. The only redeeming factor was the dryer at the end - she knows what a hair dryer is and was able to kind of equate the two, plus I think it also helped that she could finally see sunshine again.

I think we might stay away from the car wash for a while.